When a woman first learns that she’s expecting, a great deal desire to have a girl — she wants a “mini-me” running around.  She wants someone to dress cute and frilly, and who will ultimately be like her.  Well, as disappointing as it may be, this is not always the reality.

Mothers bring home their beautiful bundle of joy, and can’t get enough of her.  She puts cute bows in her hair as she gets a little older, and shops for the cutest pieces of clothing she can find.  Then, one day, she grows from this cute little baby into a teenager.  You think to yourself, “Where did the years go”?  Then, suddenly, without warning, she is someone you don’t know or even recognize for that matter.  Your little bundle of joy has turned into an absolute “terror on wheels“.  Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration for some of you.  However, for some, it is a definite, unexpected reality.

Your daughter, who once adored you and wanted to spend every possible moment with you, now says that she hates you.  Whoa!  Wait just one minute!  Where did that come from?  Now, see, when I was coming along, kids didn’t say that to their parents because they wouldn’t have lived to tell the story.  Today, kids get a pass.  Their rude behavior is deemed normal, by some; not in my world it isn’t.

Your precious little girl doesn’t want to talk to you, and no longer allows you access to her life.  In fact, she absolutely ignores you.  The love of your life, the apple of your eye now turns to her friends and their families for everything, and instead of wanting to spend time with you, she spends time with everyone except you.  You gain a complex and start asking yourself what you did and/or where did you go wrong.  You cry silently because you’re hurting, but you don’t want her to know.  You may say, “Hey, let’s plan a girls day.  We haven’t had one in a while”.  She responds, “No, that’s okay”, without even as much as looking you in the face.  You slink away feeling dejected.

You try to talk to her regularly, and each and every time, she shuts you down.  “Mom, you’re always in my business”, she says or “Get out of my room”, she shouts.  When she wants something, though, it’s “Mommy, can I have money to go out with my friends this weekend”, in a nice sweet voice.  She has learned how to turn it on and off when it suits her needs.  You give in because you hope she will be kinder to you; however, once you do, she goes right back to being the little stinker that you don’t recognize.

Again, you ask yourself what did you do to deserve this horrible treatment.  Absolutely nothing!  Girls, are difficult to raise, in my opinion.  When I was growing up, I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom.  I was extremely stubborn.  She would say go right, and I would go left just because.  I remember one incident in particular, when I wanted a dress that I saw at the shopping center (they weren’t called malls back then), and my mom said “no”.  I literally stopped talking to her.  I didn’t make a scene or throw a tantrum; I just didn’t say one word.  However, I never let her out of my sight because I didn’t want to be left.  That wasn’t nice at all.  Did I get the dress?  No.  Did I live?  Yes.  I felt really bad afterwards and never did that again.

I can remember vividly when my girls were teenagers.  I thought that they were invaded by aliens.  Some of the things that they did totally blew my mind, but then I could hear my mother saying “I can’t wait until you have kids so they can do to you the things you did to me”.  “Well, mom, I was never that bad”.  Grandmother Fannie would have killed me and bought me back to life only to kill me all over again.  LOL!  Just like I am with my mom, my daughters and I have a pretty good relationship today.

What can we do about these daughters of ours, you ask?  Pack up their stuff and ship them off.  No, I’m really joking.  Our daughters are ours for life, and we will continue to love them, no matter what.  On those days that you feel like disowning her, walk away to give you both some much-needed space.  I cannot tell you how long you’ll have to deal with this, but I can tell you that if you hang in there, your “little darling” will return.  Unbeknownst to them, they really do need us, and the reality of it is that we need them too.

One day, when your daughter matures, she will realize just how great you are.  You two may even be able to laugh about her “childhood” years and the “trauma” that she caused you.  I can honestly say that I have a much better relationship with my mother now that I’m all grown up.  This year, we decided that we would plan on spending time together once a month, whether it’s her coming to my house for lunch/dinner or going out shopping.  We both love to talk, so there is always so much discuss.

The best advice I can give you is to hang in there.  Don’t pull your hair out.  Don’t plant her in the back yard as I used to threaten to do to my kids.  Continue to love, love, love her and then love her some more.  She’s counting on you not to give up on her.

The bond between a mother and daughter…Priceless

Always remember,

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

BEST FRIEND:

The definition of a best friend is a person who you value above other friends in your life, someone you have fun with, someone you trust, and someone in whom you confide.  The first person you call when you get good news or want to go out for a bite to eat is an example of your best friend.

Over our lifetime, I’m sure we have all come in contact with some wonderful people and some not so wonderful people.  Sometimes, the people we thought were wonderful turned out to be wolves in sheeps clothing.  You thought they were your homie, your ace one coon boon, and maybe even some you had put in your “girl” in best friend status only to discover she was a great pretender.  Boy, did that hurt.  It was a true slap in the face, a blow to the gut because you didn’t see it coming.  How could someone deceive you like that, right?  I know.  Been down that road 😦

We have to learn where to place people in our lives.  Some are in our circle, but the inner circle is only reserved for a handful of people — those special, select few.  Now, I’m not dissing myother friends because they have a place in my heart as well, and life wouldn’t be complete without any of them (I totally love you all).  However, the few that are in our inner circle are the ones who see us in the raw in a way that no one else does, and are there to  tell us the truth whether we want to hear it or not.  These are the girls who have our back when it’s going down.  These are not fly by night friends by any stretch of the imagination.  These are our “sista” girls.

I have two such friends in my life.  We can share our innermost thoughts and feelings with the utmost confidence we are not going to be judged by one another, no matter what.  One of my friends will say to me, when I’m having one of my “moments”, “Girl, you know you’re crazy, right”?  Then, she will follow it up with, “You know only a true friend can say that”.  We laugh about it, talk about whatever the issue I’m dealing with and move on until the next time (trust me, there is always one, LOL!).  My other “sista” girl and I have been knowing each other since we were twelve years old, and have come up on 46 years of being best friends.  We didn’t start out that way, but we can now laugh about the day we met and how she tortured me (inside joke, LOL!)  What I love about her, too, is the fact that she tells it like it ’tis’, as they used to say back in the day.

These two women mean the absolute world to me, and have enriched my life more than they will probably ever know.  They have listened to me, prayed with and for me, encouraged me, advised me, and even let me rant and rave like an absolute lunatic (another friend would totally agree with the lunatic part; you know who you are), and once I’ve calmed down they say what needed to be said.  They don’t stop there, though, because they follow it all up with check in phone calls.

It feels really good to have true friends, particularly in the age we are living in today when everyone has a “motive”.  I love these two women to death, and couldn’t imagine my life without either one of them.

I recently celebrated my birthday and, even though both of these women’s plates are absolutely full and running over, they got in contact with me; they made the time.

Below is a text message that I received from one of them:

Good morning my friend😊, I hope you had a blast celebrating your birthday 🎂……you deserve it and so much more!!!! I’m spiritually behind your efforts of advancement!!!!! You my friend have stepped out in Faith and made moves that many among our peers have only dreamt of….breaking the chains for FREEDOM 😮. That alone deserves a round of 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. I’m sure you didn’t think that close to 60 you would make a breakthrough and find strength,  and the courage to allow the chains to gently FALL off….with no regrets. Even with continually monitoring your children’s and grandchild’s well being, you remarkably are able to encourage others (through your blogs)…along the way. That alone my dearest friend is a heck of an accomplishment at 58!!!! I’ve always admired that in spite of your situations you always consulted in your/our source, our God🙌🏽. Your continual determination shines brightly as the morning star 🌟. I know it hasn’t been easy and came with much second guessing …..yet it came mightily with assurance, boldness and confidence in our God, who has provided you w/a route to get to the other side of the mountain. You’re truly a replica of what it means “if you have faith of a mustard seed”…God will move mountains for you🙌🏽. That alone is worthy of PRAISE, GLORY and Honor 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽. These heartfelt words are all I could offer you at this time for your birthday 🎁. Perhaps next year I can take you out 😊 Happy Amazing Birthday 🍰 my Dearest Friend 💝

Those words were an absolute tear jerker, and meant more than money could ever buy.

If you have a girlfriend who means the world to you, let her know.  Call her up.  Shoot her a text message.  Send her a card.  In other words, make her day as she has made yours because today might just be the day she needs to hear those kind, compassionate words from you.

As always, I want to remind you that:

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

P.S.:  If by chance you don’t have a “sista” girl, you do now.  In fact, you have an entire community of “sista” girls because we’re all here for you.

P.S.S.:  I’m more than blessed to be loved so much.

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

How many of us are carrying around those “secret” things that we keep on the down low from the world?  We haven’t shared these secrets, even with our best friends.  Is it because we are ashamed or is it because we don’t want to be judged or is it because we know better?  Hmm?  Food for thought, right?

We, as society, have become so accustomed to seeing others faults or failures that we conveniently go blind when it’s time to look at ourselves.  Hence, we continue to do those secret things over and over again, even though we feel bad about it (most times).  Sometimes, those secret things can lead you down a path that you don’t want to be on as you try to figure out how you got there.  Trust me, I can write a book on this one.  Over twenty years ago, I had a secret, and it cost me so much (mentally).  I tried to fix the secret by doing what I thought was best; however, it only made things 100 times worse.

It’s high time that we stop focusing on others shortcomings and take a look at our own.  If we are doing the same thing year after year in secret, it’s time for a change.  As the saying goes, “What’s done in the dark will come to light”.  You can only hide for so long before you’re found out — your secret is not always safe.

What am I saying, you ask?  Stop living a double life.  Let me tell you that you will feel so much better when you come clean and blow the whistle on yourself.  You don’t have to share your secret with anyone, if you don’t want to.  You do, however, need to be honest with you.  Being honest takes a lot of bravery because it’s quite scary to look at our own flaws, but let’s face it — we all have them.  Self reflection is difficult because we are afraid of what we will see — what might be broken that needs fixing.  However, to overcome and to be a more happier healthier you, it must be done no matter how painful.

Remember, you may be able to hide from everyone else, but you can never hide from yourself.

Blow the whistle!

I don’t care what you’ve done in life, what side of the tracks you’re on or have come from, your social or economic status, I want you to always remember that:

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Breathe it!

Feel it!

Live it!  

Love ya!  Have a great day — Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

When I looked for graphics for this particular post, I wanted to select a group of photos that depicted strong women who looked like they didn’t take “no mess”.  I could see myself in each of these women and drew strength just from looking at these photos.

You have been faced with many things in life that honestly should have taken you out, but you hung in there despite the odds being stacked against you.  You fought every single one of those situations tooth and nail.  Sometimes, you were scarred and battered, but you stood your ground.  You didn’t take down, back down or give up even when you had to stand alone.  There were times that you were fighting when your back was against the wall.  It was then that you were wise enough to retreat rather than be defeated.  You, my friend, are a Warrior Princess, and there is no sense in denying it or running away from it — this is your calling.

As you slayed the dragons of your life and those of your families and, perhaps, even friends, you were bruised and bleeding but were relentless in your fight to gain the victory over those things which tried to take you out.

While other’s were stuck in their situations and really couldn’t see or have the strength to fight their way out, you were their encouragement as you told them to get up.  You even fought some of their battles alongside them on the front line because you flat our refused to see them conquered and become a prisoner of their circumstances.  Even when they told you to go away, you stayed because you were so in tune with them that you felt their pain and suffering as you shared in their tears.  When the battle was over, you wished them well and you parted ways.  Then, you were off to the next fight.

Warrior:  A brave or experienced soldier or fighter.

Princess:  Bold and brave (urban dictionary.com).

Being a warrior is not for the faint of heart.  How can you be brave when your situation is uncertain?  It’s not easy, I can attest to that.  However, in this life, you can’t be weak — the battle is intense.  You don’t have time to sit in the corner sobbing.  Now, I’m not suggesting that you don’t cry about what’s going on in your life because your issues are very real, but I will say this — get up, and wipe your eyes.  Put on your warrior clothes and pick your weapon (not to be taken literally, of course).  My weapon is prayer and without it, I would have checked out mentally and physically a long time ago.  Your weapon may be calling a friend or family member and venting about your issue, and have them talk you through it.

For those of you who are deemed experienced warriors, it’s because you always seem to be in the fight for your life.  It’s okay, though, because your fight becomes someone else’s freedom.

The older Princess Warriors are to teach the younger warriors how to fight.  You are to take them under your wings as you lead by example (instruct them, take time with them, pick them up when they fall down).  These  things should be done over and over again with the expectation that one day they will be able to fight on their own.

Today, I  want you to stop your sniveling.  I want you to say to yourself “game on.“  Put on the fiercest look you can muster up, and say “I’m ready.”  Don’t be afraid.  Trust me, you have super strength (power) that you have never tapped into.  If by chance, your issues are too overwhelming, don’t ever be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.  Your sister warriors are their for you.

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

And Don’t You Ever Forget It!

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

I think this quote says it all…

How many of us can relate to the above statement?  You meet someone, they make you feel special, and then make you feel lonely, even though you’re in a relationship with them.

Girl meets boy — a really nice boy.  They laugh, they talk, they spend every waking hour together.  Girl is on top of the world and then, one day she comes a “tumbling down.”

This nice boy has suddenly turned into a “monster.”  He no longer wants to spend every waking hour with you.  He no longer takes your million calls a day.  He no longer laughs at your corny jokes.  He no longer seems to “care”.  What in the world just happened?

This “nice” young man is now rude, and just downright disrespectful.  Instead of whispering sweet nothings in your ear, all you hear is the loud “crashing” sounds of your relationship coming to an end.

You beg him to stop talking to you that way.  You plead with him to respect you.  However, he doesn’t listen.  Instead, he practically laughs in your face by telling you that “he doesn’t need you”.  In fact, he says, “I’m better off without you.  There are plenty of fish in the sea”.  What!  Is he really serious?  You have given him some of the best moments of your life.  You cut off your family and all of your friends, and made him your entire world.  How dare he treat you like this, right?  To add insult to injury, you turn into someone that even you don’t know.  Instead of saying this really isn’t working for me and I shall not be disrespected, you stay and hope that he changes, but you’re the one who changes instead.  You become this person that, even you, don’t recognize.  You start to trade insult for insult, disrespectfulness with disrespectfulness.  You start saying words out of you mouth that you’ve never said.  However, you still stay.  You try to sort things out in your head, and try to figure out what “you did” wrong.

Then, one day, you wise up and say, “I deserve better”.  You gather your dignity, self-respect, and your integrity and ride off into your own “happy” sunset.

Goodbye!

Now, sir, do you get the point?!

Yourself!

Always, remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

I chose this particular song because sometimes as women, we hide behind our insecurities.  However, we don’t need to.  We need to come out singing and dancing as we are declare our freedom and independence.  We should boldly declare to the world that “We are coming out”.

Oftentimes, we hide because we have been made to feel ashamed of or less than who we are.  For example, the way we look, the way we live, the way we dress, the car we drive, and yes even “being single”.  Have you been around people who constantly ask you, “When are you getting married”?  Do they not understand just how insensitive that question can be to some people?  You are hurt, but you politely respond by saying, “I don’t know” or “When the right man comes along”.

They have no idea that you struggle with your singleness.  You look around and it “seems that everyone is in a “loving” relationship except you.  You start to question yourself by asking, “What’s wrong with me?  Why doesn’t anyone want me?  Why can’t I find love”?  There is “absolutely” nothing wrong with you.  Believe it or not, you are being selective in your choice of men, and you should be.  Years ago I read a book regarding being single.  One of the things they said was that “If you’re single, it’s by choice”.  I was like, “What!  What a minute!  I want to be in a relationship, but no one has come along”.  As I read a little further, the author explained herself.  I thought about what the writer was saying.  I was single by choice.  There were a “few” people who were interested in me, but I wasn’t taking the bait.

Now, for those of you who are still not buying into this.  Think about it for a minute.  Do you want any old Joe Blow just to say you are in a relationship?  Would you like to stand on a street corner holding a signing that says, “I’m single”?  Or, would you rather be single and happy.  Singleness is not a curse.  Let me reiterate that — singleness IS NOT a curse although it feels like it sometimes.  I remember when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I was so lonely.  I completely hated the single life.  After being depressed about life in general and not having a “man friend”, I took the first thing smoking.  That would fix my loneliness, right?  Not!

We often look at people and their relationships, and sometimes find ourselves a little down and/or teary eyed because we feel like we weren’t “chosen”.  However, every picture that you see on social media does not always depict the “real” relationship — some people are just “faking the funk” — meaning, they are just “pretenders”.  What you don’t know is that behind closed doors, they are “completely miserable”.  It just looks good to the outsider — meaning us.

Now, everyone is not faking it.  I believe in true love.  I believe in the fairy tale ending.  I believe in the Knight in Shining Armor and I believe in Prince Charming.  There are true, committed, loving relationships, and are truly happy.  There are some good men out there.  Contrary to popular believe all men are not “dogs”.  Every couple has disagreements, but have “learned” how to deal with and overcome them.

Good relationships aren’t easy and can be quite tricky.  The saying is, “Don’t go to bed angry with your partner”.  Well, I flunked that one a million times in my past relationship (when I’m ticked, I’m ticked).  Communication is key.  Well, guess what, I got a zero on that one.  Spending time with one another and doing things together helps to build a healthy relationship.  Well…my relationship lacked that too.

There is a saying that goes like this, “I can do bad all by myself”, which is so true.  Why waste day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year in a relationship that you know is a dead-end just so that you’re “not single”, just so that you can say, “My boo did this or my boo did that” or “Me and my boyfriend did such and such”.  Your mouth says these things and you plaster a smile on your face as you say them, but in your heart of hearts, you know the truth — the party is over and has been for quite some time!  You just refuse to have the last dance.

Girl, don’t you know that you are so much more than that?  Once you learn to “truly” love yourself, it won’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not, even though you have the desire to be with someone.  You’re not alone; we all want to be in a relationship (well, most of us do anyway).

You don’t need a man hanging on your arm to validate.  Let the world see you smile as you do you, as you enjoy your singleness, as you find happiness within you.  Let your light shine bright for the world to see.  You don’t have to walk around with your head down to the ground or feel embarrassed because you are single because there is no reason to.  Always remember that your happiness lies within you.

There are a ton of things that you can do to pass the time if that’s all you’re looking for.  You can take some college classes, take up a hobby, read a good book, write, hang out with your girlfriends, travel.  Honey, let me tell you, the list is endless.  Make up a bucket list and cross off the items as you enjoy life rather than being depressed and miserable.  Stop  letting your life pass you by because you haven’t found your “Mr. Right”.  Honey, child, he’s out there somewhere and will find you at the designated time.  I’m a firm believer of that.

Singleness is not a curse, and when your “guy” finally comes along, you are going to be so glad you waited.

Trust me, your Prince Charming is coming.

I can’t say when.

Be patient.

There is no rush.

You’ll be glad you waited.

Your clock is still ticking.

Enjoy your singleness.

Don’t worry.

Be happy.

Always, remember that #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Your relationship has just ended and so has your world — that is, so you think.  You were with the man of your dreams — or so you thought.  You were madly in love.  Your nose was so wide open (as the old people used to say) that you could drive two tractor trailers straight up your nostrils.  You woke up thinking about him.  You went to bed thinking about him.  You thought about him ALL DAY LONG — that is, until one day you found out that he wasn’t who you thought he was.  Because you were so in love (or lust), you failed to stop at the STOP SIGN (heck, you didn’t even yield).  You went straight through it without even braking.  You failed to see what was important to notice.  Don’t feel bad, most of us have been there.

In the beginning, everything was just “peachy”.  He paid attention to you. He called you all the time.  He was kind and courteous.  He was respectful.  He bought you flowers, and gave you “just because” gifts.  Then, as time marched on, those things stopped happening as much, but by then you were so hooked it really didn’t matter.  Now, I’m not saying that your guy has to always buy you “material” things because things do change financially.  However, he should still be into you.  If he’s not, then it’s your duty to find out why.  After all, this is your life.

Then, one day, he dropped a “bomb” on you.  He told you that the relationship was no longer working for him.  He said “it was over.”  He didn’t even have the nerve to tell you face to face, but rather sent an insensitive “text message”.  Of all the “cowardly” things to do.  You reread the message a ton of times, and it said the same thing, “It’s over”.  You clutch your heart, and fall back into the chair.  You ask yourself how this could have happened.  Then, you ask yourself what had you done to make him walk out of your life.  You start picking yourself apart by saying, maybe you could have cooked more, maybe you shouldn’t have been so needy or clingy, maybe, maybe, maybe.  You never once stopped to think that it was him with the issue and not you.

You pick up your phone to call him, but your call goes to voicemail every single time.  You feel like you’ve been played.  You feel like an absolute fool.  You had been running around like a giddy school girl with this big old smile on your face.  All of your friends knew about this wonderful man that you had found.  Now, you have to go back and tell them that he “dumped” you via text message.

Now, come the tears which you can’t seem to turn off no matter how hard you try.  You can’t sleep.  You can’t eat.  You don’t want to face the world.  The only thing you want to do is hide out at home.  You look at your phone everyday hoping that he called you or left you a message.  However, there is no word from him — goose egg, nada.  He has completely vanished from your life.

How are you ever going to survive, you ask yourself.  Let me tell you how:

• You’re going to wipe those tears from your eyes.
• You’re going to tell yourself he missed out on the best woman he could have ever had.
• You’re going to tell yourself that it wasn’t you.
• You’re going to remind yourself that you are beautiful inside and out.
• You’re going to pray for him to be removed from your heart so that it won’t hurt as much in order for you to move on with your life.
• You’re going to spend time with yourself to get reacquainted with who you are.
• You’re going to get out and meet new friends and reconnect with old friends.

What you’re not going to do is:

• Mope around.
• Beg for him to come back.
• Go looking for him to stalk his every move.
• Damage any of his property.
• Post your feelings on social media by bashing him.
• Go asking his family if he’s seeing someone else.
• Find yourself in such a depressed state that you don’t want to live.

You will take your life back, and move on.  Girl, don’t you know that you are a survivor?  Oh, yes, it hurt like the dickens, but it’s going to be okay, trust me.  You cannot make a person love you no matter how hard you try or no matter what you do.  It’s either they love you or they don’t.

You Will Survive.

We Will Survive.

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

When a man loves a woman…Wow!  It’s beautiful to be in a relationship with someone you love; however, it’s even more special when the person loves you in return.

Let’s face it, some relationships are one-sided.  Sad, but true.  Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt, and you literally got so little or nothing from them?  You let the world know that this person was the absolute light of your life and, if you could, you would have screamed from the highest mountain – I LOVE YOU!  Then, one day you notice, that it is not being reciprocated.  You seem to be the only one gushing in the relationship.  You seem to be the only way spewing out the “I LOVE YOU’S”.  You ask your partner about it, and the response is “You know I love you.  I don’t have to say it.  You know I’m not mushy like that.”  You let it go for a period of time, but it never changes.  You never hear those three words that you have been dying to hear.  Granted, some men are not lovey-dovey because some of them are not emotional beings.  Some men don’t display affection the way we do.  Some men don’t know how to show affection because a lot of men have been taught that real men don’t show emotions.  Really?  Puppy cock!  It’s nothing more endearing to a woman than to have her man just let his emotions rip.  Believe me when I say that it doesn’t take anything away from his manhood.

You broach the subject again, and again, but always get the same response.  You start scratching your head in wonderment, and start to think, “Does this guy really love me or is he stringing me along because it’s comfortable”?  You start to do various things to get his attention to test the theory.  You make yourself more attractive, more sexy, more noticeable and the response is still the same.  You find yourself getting a little frustrated and, perhaps, depressed because you are unsure of the certainty of your relationship.  Your guy seems comfortable in the day-to-day, and doesn’t really see what all the fuss is about.  Now, let me say this, people have various ways of showing love.  Is he a good communicator?  Does he like to spend time with you without you having to nag him?  Is he a good listener?  Does he help out around the house?  Is he a good provider?  Is he a good leader?  If you’ve answered yes, then this could be his love language.

Now, if you’re with someone who doesn’t want to take the relationship further, i.e. making a commitment after you’ve been dating for a 100 years, then, “Houston, you’ve got a problem” — that is, unless you don’t mind “dating”.  However, for those of you who want more, you’ve discussed taking your relationship to the next level, but he flat-out refuses to discuss it.   Now, before you kick him to the curb, talk to him.  Please don’t message me saying that I told you to drop him, because I’m not saying that by any stretch of the imagination.  Nor, do I want you man hunting me down telling me to mind my own business.  LOL!  However, in the end, you have to do what’s best for you.  In talking to him, perhaps, you’ll find out that he’s been hurt deeply and is scared to make a commitment or, perhaps, he feels like he doesn’t have all of the tools necessary to make a real commitment.  Remember, communication is key in any solid relationship.

After months of talking, your guy is still “bothered” by your “harassing him”, you need to ask yourself this question “Is this what I want?”  Sometimes, the handwriting is on the wall, but we refuse to see it because we are blinded by love or we are lonely or even desperate to have a relationship with just anyone.  Somebody asked me this question once – “Why do we stay?”  That’s actually a very good question.  We stay because:  we love them and hope they love us in return; we think we can change them; we want companionship; we’re getting older and don’t want to be by ourselves; everyone else is in a relationship; we settle.  The list could go on and on.

If you’re in a happy, healthy relationship, your man should be:

• Loving
• Kind
• Compassionate
• Helpful
• Respectful
• Listening

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it could look a lot like this:

• Lying
• Cheating
• Disrespectfulness
• Disloyalty

Women, we want to know that our man has our back, and can hold it down.  We shouldn’t be struggling to know how he feels about us, nor should we be wearing the pants and the skirt in the relationship.  If your man isn’t working (unless he’s disabled or was laid off or was fired for a legitimate reason) or isn’t taking care of his responsibilities outside of your relationship or have a lot of baby mama drama or is immature and/or irresponsible, maybe, just maybe, he’s really not ready for a “real” relationship.

You are a successful, beautiful woman.  You don’t have to settle just to have a “man”.  He needs to be bringing something to the table and not just…  If he isn’t, he needs to be honest with himself and with you.  He needs to be mature enough to let you go.  He shouldn’t allow his selfishness to hold you back.  The flip side of that is that we, as women, can’t expect the men to bring everything and we come empty-handed.  A relationship should be balanced out.

And another thing, ladies, when the man of your dreams walks into your life, don’t run him off by letting your past hurts get in the way.  He’s not the man who hurt you, okay!  However, you should tread lightly.  Get to know him.  Ask all the pertinent questions and don’t be afraid.  After all, this is your life that you’re talking about.  What does the relationship look like after the honeymoon phase is over?  I can’t stress how important communication is.  At some point, my dear, if you think this is a good catch, you have to lower that wall.  Honey, if you don’t, he’s going to move on and be a blessing to someone who will appreciate him.

While waiting for your prince charming, do some self-evaluation.  Figure out what you want and don’t want.  Remember, you don’t have to settle just to be in a relationship.  If you haven’t already done so, practice self-love — love yourself.  You have so much to offer the world!

Someone might ask, “What’s love got to do with it?” GURL, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!

You are so worth it!

Be yourself!

Don’t settle!

Set expectations!

Again, don’t settle!

Remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

I remember the first time that I saw the interview with Sweet Brown; it was absolutely hilarious.  She became an overnight sensation with her phrase “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”  All types of memes and various mixes of her catch phrase were made because everyone thought she was funny.  We can all use that same phrase in our lives as we move forward when various obstacles and stumbling blocks (people) try to hinder us.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”

As we “mature”, we realize that we don’t have time for people’s foolishness nor do we desire to be a part of it.  Sometimes, I find myself sitting there with this dumb look on my face saying, “Really?”  

Have you ever met someone who called themselves “taking you under their wings” when you started a new job?  Perhaps, the conversation went a little like this, “Girl, let me tell you about so and so.  They are not so nice.  They do this that and the other, so you want to stay away from them.”  You attempt to exercise tact and just nod your head, but you don’t really want to hear gossip.  For heavens sake, you just started your job.  Perhaps, you take the opposite approach, and throw your hands up to stop them in their tracks because you refuse to be a human trash can for them to deposit garbage into.  However, when it’s all said and done, you discover the person was a troublemaker and the person they called themselves “warning” you about was really cool.  “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”

Then you have those people who live on “Misery Row.”  They are miserable, so they do everything in their power to make you just as miserable as they are.  As the old folks used to say “misery loves company.”  Don’t let them drag you into their world of negativity.  “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”  

You also have those folk who don’t like you for no apparent reason.  They get their jabs in on the down low, so that no one will be on to them.  If you say anything, you feel as though people are going to look at you like you’re the lunatic because this person is “dripping” with “sweetness” around those they care about.  In other words, they are just plain “sneaky.”  You’ve approached them and the response is, “Oh, no.  We’re cool.  I don’t have any issues with you”, but yet they continue their undercover treatment towards you.  Stop putting in time trying to figure it out; you took the high road, so now it’s on them.  You’ll discover that some people are just not mature enough to take responsibility for their actions.  At that point, say to yourself, “Girl, bye!  AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”  

Maybe someone has walked out of your life without warning and has left an empty spot in the place they used to occupy in your heart.  You’ve done everything in your power to figure out what went wrong.  You’ve gone over and over again every encounter and recent conversation, but continue to come up empty.  You’ve called and reached out to them on numerous occasions, but to no avail.  You’re really devastated by their behavior because you didn’t see it coming.  Well, it’s time for you to move on because “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”

Perhaps, you are so excited about where life is taking you, and share your visions and goals with your friends.  They appear to be happy for you.  However, when those dreams become a reality, you find that those who you thought would celebrate with you have become a little distant.   You’re taken aback by this.  You thought they would be just as thrilled about your success as you are but, unfortunately, they aren’t.  Perhaps, they had dreams and aspirations themselves, but allowed fear of failure and/or lack of motivation to keep their dream alive, so they become jealous of where you’re headed.  Don’t let that stop you.  Keep going.  Yes, it may hurt, but “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”

Don’t waste another second fretting about people and their behaviors or what they think or don’t think about you.  People are either for you or against you.  It’s just that simple.  There is a saying that people are in our lives:  for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  I think if we really understood that, it would take some of the sting out of our ouchies.  Let’s learn to put people in the category they belong in so that they don’t drown out our positivity with their negativity.  Besides, it’s not meant for everyone to accompany you on your journey anyway.When you are asked, “Why are you doing this, that or the other”.  Simply respond, “You wouldn’t understand if I told you”.  Then, take your life back and say to yourself, “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT” as you hold your head up and stroll on with YOUR life.  Even as you walk away, continue to love them.  Don’t ever stoop to someone else’s level of pettiness.  Don’t let bitterness or anger settle in your heart where it will take root.  What I’m discovering, at this point in life, is that some people live on Catty Street and Petty Boulevard; however, I shall not be a part of it!

Remember:

This is your life!

You are in control!

Don’t feed into the negativity!

Don’t stop!

Keep it moving!

You do matter!

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊