When a woman first learns that she’s expecting, a great deal desire to have a girl — she wants a “mini-me” running around. She wants someone to dress cute and frilly, and who will ultimately be like her. Well, as disappointing as it may be, this is not always the reality.
Mothers bring home their beautiful bundle of joy, and can’t get enough of her. She puts cute bows in her hair as she gets a little older, and shops for the cutest pieces of clothing she can find. Then, one day, she grows from this cute little baby into a teenager. You think to yourself, “Where did the years go”? Then, suddenly, without warning, she is someone you don’t know or even recognize for that matter. Your little bundle of joy has turned into an absolute “terror on wheels“. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration for some of you. However, for some, it is a definite, unexpected reality.
Your daughter, who once adored you and wanted to spend every possible moment with you, now says that she hates you. Whoa! Wait just one minute! Where did that come from? Now, see, when I was coming along, kids didn’t say that to their parents because they wouldn’t have lived to tell the story. Today, kids get a pass. Their rude behavior is deemed normal, by some; not in my world it isn’t.
Your precious little girl doesn’t want to talk to you, and no longer allows you access to her life. In fact, she absolutely ignores you. The love of your life, the apple of your eye now turns to her friends and their families for everything, and instead of wanting to spend time with you, she spends time with everyone except you. You gain a complex and start asking yourself what you did and/or where did you go wrong. You cry silently because you’re hurting, but you don’t want her to know. You may say, “Hey, let’s plan a girls day. We haven’t had one in a while”. She responds, “No, that’s okay”, without even as much as looking you in the face. You slink away feeling dejected.
You try to talk to her regularly, and each and every time, she shuts you down. “Mom, you’re always in my business”, she says or “Get out of my room”, she shouts. When she wants something, though, it’s “Mommy, can I have money to go out with my friends this weekend”, in a nice sweet voice. She has learned how to turn it on and off when it suits her needs. You give in because you hope she will be kinder to you; however, once you do, she goes right back to being the little stinker that you don’t recognize.
Again, you ask yourself what did you do to deserve this horrible treatment. Absolutely nothing! Girls, are difficult to raise, in my opinion. When I was growing up, I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom. I was extremely stubborn. She would say go right, and I would go left just because. I remember one incident in particular, when I wanted a dress that I saw at the shopping center (they weren’t called malls back then), and my mom said “no”. I literally stopped talking to her. I didn’t make a scene or throw a tantrum; I just didn’t say one word. However, I never let her out of my sight because I didn’t want to be left. That wasn’t nice at all. Did I get the dress? No. Did I live? Yes. I felt really bad afterwards and never did that again.
I can remember vividly when my girls were teenagers. I thought that they were invaded by aliens. Some of the things that they did totally blew my mind, but then I could hear my mother saying “I can’t wait until you have kids so they can do to you the things you did to me”. “Well, mom, I was never that bad”. Grandmother Fannie would have killed me and bought me back to life only to kill me all over again. LOL! Just like I am with my mom, my daughters and I have a pretty good relationship today.
What can we do about these daughters of ours, you ask? Pack up their stuff and ship them off. No, I’m really joking. Our daughters are ours for life, and we will continue to love them, no matter what. On those days that you feel like disowning her, walk away to give you both some much-needed space. I cannot tell you how long you’ll have to deal with this, but I can tell you that if you hang in there, your “little darling” will return. Unbeknownst to them, they really do need us, and the reality of it is that we need them too.
One day, when your daughter matures, she will realize just how great you are. You two may even be able to laugh about her “childhood” years and the “trauma” that she caused you. I can honestly say that I have a much better relationship with my mother now that I’m all grown up. This year, we decided that we would plan on spending time together once a month, whether it’s her coming to my house for lunch/dinner or going out shopping. We both love to talk, so there is always so much discuss.
The best advice I can give you is to hang in there. Don’t pull your hair out. Don’t plant her in the back yard as I used to threaten to do to my kids. Continue to love, love, love her and then love her some more. She’s counting on you not to give up on her.
The bond between a mother and daughter…Priceless
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.