It Takes a Village…

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About three months ago, my son did something extremely foolish which affected his Photo of It Takes A Village - La Mesa, CA, United Statesmental health.  He was plagued with this day in and day out.  Not only was it wearing him out, but me as well.  There were many days he would call me and ask me to pray for him as well as nights when he would ask if he could sleep in my room.

We had many conversations about what was going on with him.  It came to a point where we were both angry with one another:  him because he felt I wasn’t supportive enough, and me because I was ticked offHis decision messed with my comfortable life, which had finally become peaceful, and I was happier than I had been in years.  I felt like “How dare you rain on my parade because of your selfish behavior?”  Now, let me say this — my son is no longer a child (he’s still my child, though) because he has reached 21 years of age; however, he still wants and needs his mama.

Image result for it takes a villageHe talked to his friends, and they helped him as best they could.  He went to the emergency room on numerous visits, and even had appointments with a physician to try and get to the root of his issues, so that he could manage his day to day living.

I would ask him the same questions over and over again, hoping that they would eventually jar his memory so that we could figure out what was really happening, even though, I had pretty much figured out the culprit that caused his situation.  He would then say, “Are you a doctor?  You don’t know what you’re talking about.  I don’t need you to keep asking me the same questions over and over again; I just need you to listen.”  At that point, I tuned out.  My thought process was that if he didn’t think I had some of the answers because I didn’t have an M.D. behind my name, then obviously he didn’t really need my help; this angered him even more.  I thought to myself “Oh, well.”

One day, I had an epiphany and realized why I couldn’t be supportive in the way in which he needed.  Now, mind you, I didn’t totally abandon him.  I listened.  I got on his nerves, and I prayed behind the scenes.  I was not, however, going to walk him by his hand as he made the choice to do something he knew full well he shouldn’t have because of a prior experience several years ago.  28468641_1626614514073301_3703910466251574713_nI had to be reminded that I had done some pretty outlandish things a time or two in my life, and my family and friends listened to me despite my poor choices. At that moment, I got it and was able to let go of the anger that I had been holding onto.

One Saturday night he came into my room to talk.  I asked him the same questions that I had previously.  He got upset again.  I told him that he needed to leave my room because he was yelling. He didn’t listen, of course, but did eventually calm down; then, we were able to have a decent conversation.  Two scriptures popped into my head which I looked up for reference and sent to him via text message, so that he could refer to them on his own time.  I told him he had one of two choices — he could either fight for his life to overcome the situation or succumb to it.  I spoke to him with authority — in fact, at some point, I didn’t even recognize my own voice.  He asked me why I hadn’t said these things to him in the past, and I just shrugged my shoulders.  Before my very eyes, I witnessed his breakthrough.  I knew the exact moment that it happened because he lied across the floor in my room and was very peaceful, even his demeanor was peaceful.  He finally went into his room to go to bed.

The next morning, we talked and I told him he had a breakthrough and he agreed.  I had to change my thinking and get over my anger in order to really be able to assist him.  I had to look at myself and be completely honest about how I felt and what I was thinking.  Was it easy?  Absolutely not!

People at my church were praying for him and there was a couple who took him under
their wing.  I believe he was their assignment as they had left and come back just at the right time.

I’m so grateful for my son’s release.  Our adult children are going to do some very unwise things as they are still learning.  Even though, they drive us absolutely bananas with some of their negative behaviors (and yes, some of it still stems from peer pressure), we have to support them, even when we want to distance ourselves and let them figure it out.  Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times when, we as the parents, have to cut the apron strings and let them hit rock bottom, but we have to know when.  Doing so too early can clip their wings so that they are unable to soar.  Sometimes, we need the patience of Job as it can be quite challenging to be the parent of a young adult who is being rebellious, disrespectful and a know it all.  However, we have to keep in mind they still need us.  There are people out there who are just waiting to take them in and destroy them because they know they are looking for love from anyone as they continue their search for acceptance.  We must continue to show them love (sometimes tough love).  Don’t focus so much on what you see them doing currently, but concentrate on what you are claiming them to be.  I don’t care how bleak or looks or how dim the light is, there is hope.  However, don’t go along with the negative behaviors; stand firm and be consistent and persistent.  Trust me, they have not forgotten the morals and ethics that you’ve instilled in them.  LOVE them back to life.  DON’T GIVE UP NOW!

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

Remember, you don’t have to fight this alone:

What About the Children?

Kids, Children, Doodle, Sketch, Drawing, Watercolor

My friend came up with the topic “What about the children” because there is just so much happening in our society concerning our children and youth.  They are dealing with some real issues and because of that, sadly, some aren’t even allowed to enjoy their childhood.  Kids are being bullied and because they are so tormented, they choose to end their lives by committing suicide — some at the tender age of 9 years old.  When I was that age, I was having the time of my life playing with my Barbie dolls, dressing and undressing them.  I even had paper dolls which was a big thing when I was growing up.  I played outside with my friends.  I played jacks, and even hopscotch was a lot of fun.  Unfortunately, in today’s society, some kids have never had the distinct pleasure of being able to just have “fun”.

It seems that our kids, our most precious gems, are under attack.  Every time you turn on the TV or click on any app on social media, you learn that something tragic has happened to someones child — they’ve been beaten, murdered, raped, molested, etc.  I often ask the question through my tears, “What in the world is going on?”  How can we protect our kids?  When they attend school, it’s supposed to be a pleasant experience as they grow and mature, right?  They are supposed to be able to go outside and play with their friends, right?  Sadly, it’s not always like this.  Things have certainly changed tremendously (and not for the better, as far as I’m concerned) from when I was growing up.

dv image 20Tons of children are in the foster care system because of neglect, abuse, etc. by those who were supposed to protect them.  Family members are sexually abusing kids who were left in their care.

For the kids who are being bullied in school, they are too afraid to alert the teachers or office staff or their parents and, unfortunately, some commit suicide because of the pressure.  So, now, we have parents who will forever have a hole in their hearts.  They feel terrible because they had no idea their child was so upset; therefore, they were unable to help them.  They couldn’t keep them safe and blame themselves for not seeing the signs.

How many times have we heard that children have been missing and, unfortunately, most of them are not found alive?  Every now and again, we hear a happy ending and I cry tears of joy.

How many times have children been brought into the ER with broken bones and covered You Want To Save The Trees, Animals, The World. What About Saving The Children? The Ugly Truth About Child Abuse  in bruises?  How many times have teachers come out of their pockets to help feed children and/or clothe them.  You have children who are raising themselves because the mom may be a single mother and has to work multiple jobs to make ends meet.  Also, there are kids who are raising themselves because the mom has a habit that she can’t kick.

Back in the day, families took care of the children when the parents couldn’t.  That’s not so much the case these days because some of the grandparents are so young themselves and are trying to get their life.

So what happens to the children?  Who is there for them?  Who will be there to help these scared children who don’t know what to do?

Children are being taken away from us when they should be having the time of their lives.  When I was growing up, we played outside all the time.  There were no cell phones or video games to play.  Now, even though you want your kids to have fun, you’re terrified to let them go out for fear that some tragedy might strike.

The million dollar question is what can we do to keep our kids safe?  In my opinion, it’s imperative that we cover them in prayer every single day.  We have to teach them about safety, and encourage them to tell an adult if they are being bullied or sexually assaulted.  We have to reassure them  it’s not snitching.  We have to teach our children when they are very young about appropriate and inappropriate touches and behaviors.  I started talking to my granddaughter about it before she turned 3.

Also, we have to, as much as we can, monitor our kids social media activity.  When my daughters were in middle school, they had a MySpace account that I knew nothing about.  I was in the dark ages and hadn’t even heard of MySpace.  Their aunt found it and forced them to delete it.  When I allowed my youngest daughter to have a FaceBook account, the agreement was that I would have her password, so that I could see what type of activity was going on.  As far as my oldest daughter goes, I found her password and would log in from time to time to see what she was doing.  My son, who is the youngest of the three, made an account and I decided to hack into it and have a little bit of fun with him by saying, “This is your mom.  You know you’re not to have an account.  Delete it now”!  It’s impossible to watch everything our children are doing because there is so much going on.

You turn on the TV and there are a million reality shows with so much profanity being spewed out of people’s mouths that it is totally unbelievable.  My kids lost the TV’s in their room when they were in elementary school because they were busted watching Flavor of Love in the middle of the night; they were never allowed to have TV’s in their rooms again.

We have to encourage our children.  We have to support our children.  We have to educate our children.  Most importantly, we have to shower our children with lots of love because if they don’t get it at home, they’ll seek it elsewhere which could certainly lead them down the path of destruction.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all unite and come up with a way to protect and keep our children safe?

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?

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#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

#ChildrenYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not…

He Loves Me...He Loves Me Not

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A fair amount of girls that I grew up with used to pull flower petals with the hopes that the last petal would land on “he loves me”.  We felt for sure that meant our “little” boyfriends really loved us.  We were young and in elementary school, therefore, we had no idea or concept of what love really meant outside of those flower petals.  I have to admit that some of the girls took this seriously, and  got more than a little upset when they were left with “he loves me not”.  Reflecting back on those days, I now see how funny it was that we believed the petals had a real bearing on our relationships.

Fast forward past teenage years and middle age, one can still ask the question “Does heImage result for he loves me he loves me not love me or does he love me not”?  That’s always the million dollar question every female asks herself and, perhaps, even her friends because she might be afraid to ask her partner.  We always want to know (as we should) if the person we’re involved with has the same feelings we do or if they have feelings for us at all.  Quite honestly, it’s a fair question — but just how do we measure whether or not “he loves us”?

I had the occasion to talk to two different women on two separate days about their relationship with their respective partners.  Ironically, both of them are the tender age of “26,” and neither one of them knew the other had spoken with me.

Image result for he loves me he loves me notOne young lady’s boyfriend broke up with her for a brief moment (lapse in judgment according to both of them) because he felt he really had nothing to offer her due to his perception that she truly had it “going on”.  He actually thought that he didn’t measure up to her and that she deserved so much more.  His girlfriend is established — has a stable job, is buying her own home, has a car, etc., and is currently making more money than him.  He felt inferior to her because he is still trying to put his life together, and figure out exactly what it is that he wants to do with the next 100 years.  Of course, she was absolutely devastated as she didn’t see this coming — there wasn’t even the slightest hint.  She cried about it because she loved this man, even though they’ve been together for less than a year.  They talked about it, and she made some stipulations on their relationship, effective immediately.  What he didn’t seem to realize is that none of that mattered to her.  She loved him and he had told her that he loved her as well.  She was well aware of what she was bringing to the table, but cared about him enough to be in a relationship because she felt he was working towards his goal, and she knew that, ultimately, he would be making more money than she.  So the question was “Does he really love me.  How could I be dumped without first having a conversation about how he was feeling”?  She felt as though a discussion should have been had, so that she could have reassured him that in the grand scheme of things none of that mattered because she loved him.  “He loves me, he loves me not”.

The other young lady’s situation was totally different.  She has been with her guy for a Image result for he loves me he loves me notgood while.  He has her on an emotional roller coaster — one minute he wants her, and the next moment he is telling her to find someone else because she deserves better than him.  She, of course, loves him like there is no tomorrow since they have many years of history together.  She is beginning to question his love for her.  She wants to know “If he truly loves her how can he be so on and off again”.  She is in a quandary because her head and her heart are telling her something totally different.  In her head, she knows that she needs to move on for her mental well being; however, her heart won’t comply with her head — in other words, the two aren’t in alignment as yet.  “He loves me — he loves me not”.

Image result for he loves me he loves me notNow, just because your man is not always telling you that he loves you and is not the kind who gushes over you 24/7 nor is he the mushy type, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.  Yes, women want to hear it sometimes; however, as the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words”.  Does he treat you with respect?  Does he listen to you?  Is he compassionate?  Does he make you feel like you’re the only woman in the world? Does he look at you with love (not lust) in his eyes?  Does he take a real interest in what’s going on in your life?  If you answered yes to some or all of the questions (which is a very small list), then this is your man showing you just how much you mean to him.

Women have kicked good men to the curb because their guy didn’t tell them that he loved them like a thousand times a day.  They couldn’t associate his actions with how he truly felt about them, which is unfortunate.

At the end of the day, no one can tell you whether or not your man really loves you or is

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just going through the motions.  I will say this — nine times out of ten, you will definitely know if he’s not that into you.  If you are unsure, and are driving yourself crazy about it, ask your partner.  He may feel that he is showing you (and more than likely he is); therefore, he thinks you should already know.  Some guys, may be a little sensitive in this area and take offense because they are doing everything in their power to show you. However, the flip side of the coin is that, if you’re anything like me, you hate to assume anything.  I had a friend tell me they thought they were showing me and in all actuality they were, but I was afraid.  I wasn’t used to being shown how someone truly felt about me, but I have to admit it feels mighty doggone good!

Sadly, sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in dead end relationships with someone that we know beyond a shadow of a doubt doesn’t love us and at some point, we’ve fallen out of love with them.  We’re afraid to move on or are afraid to be alone or are afraid of what people may think or are afraid to hurt our partners feelings or are afraid we can’t make it financially, etc.  However, we owe it to ourselves to be happy.  Quite honestly, it’s okay to be alone — that doesn’t mean we’re lonely; these are two different things.  I was alone for a long time, and had to realize that it wasn’t the end of the world. Yes, I wanted to be in a relationship, but this time around I told myself I wasn’t going to just settle for anything to be with someone, and was going to wait until Mr. Right came along.  I have more years behind me than I have ahead of me, and I want to live them out in happiness.  I don’t expect things to be perfect, but right — it has to be the right fit.  Ladies if he’s not the one, walk away.  Don’t waste years of your time because you can never get them back.  Trust me I know what that feels like because I’ve traveled that road.  Love yourself enough not to be desperate to hold on.  At the end of the day, I don’t want to be left wondering whether “he loves me or loves me not,” and neither should you.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

When You Have Trust Issues…

FBI Director Comey: History Justifies Cynicism and Distrust from African Americans

TRUST:  Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.

VS.

DISTRUST:  Doubt the honesty or reliability of; regard with suspicion.

 

During the course of our lifetime, we have trusted and distrusted people.  When we are growing up, we trust our parents implicitly.  We trust them to feed, clothe, house, love, nurture, encourage and support us.  We even trust that they will not just take care of our necessities but our desires as well.  Also, we are confident that our parents will be there to catch us when we fall; therefore, we never doubt it and we believe in their ability to fix all of our mistakes as they kiss our “booboos” of life.  This is the foundation of us learning to trust.

As we grow, we develop friendships and relationships with our peers — some turn out to be lifetime friends like the one that I have with my best friend (46 years and counting).  Some friendships don’t work out because we outgrow them while others don’t work out because of the distrust factor; perhaps, we were lied to/lied on or stolen from or talked about, etc.  Some of the hurt caused is like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut at the same time.  The pain is devastating and, in some cases, earth shattering.  This is the moment you begin to distrust nearly everyone and everything.

In one of my previous relationships, I “learned” how to distrust as I was on the receiving Distrust1end of it time and time again.  I was lied to about almost everything.  The saying that the person is innocent until proven guilty definitely didn’t apply as this person was guilty until proven innocent, in my mind.  Not a healthy way to live, right?  I know.  I found myself always looking for something, and would eventually find it.  I just couldn’t leave it alone.  It was almost like I was obsessed with finding the truth, and wouldn’t stop until I had uncovered it.

Recently, I almost lost one of my best friends because I allowed distrust to rear it’s ugly head in our relationship on multiple occasions, even though I never really had a reason not to trust.

Digital Distrust: We are Losing Faith in Technology to Solve the Worlds ProblemsWe have to “learn” how to delete distrust out of our relationships/friendships if we have no concrete evidence the person is being untrustworthy.  We shouldn’t bring past hurts into new friends and/or relationships because it “just ain’t cool (as I was told)”.  What we don’t realize, at the time, is that we are hurting people (unintentionally) who haven’t inflicted any type of pain on us.  We are subconsciously punishing them for what someone else did to us.

Now, we can’t control the thoughts that run across and through our minds, but we can The Pain of Distrustmaster the art of kicking those thoughts out.  Let me just say this, I’m not suggesting in any way, shape, form or fashion it’s going to be easy; however, it is possible.  It will take much practice, and we’ll have to talk ourselves down off the ledge every time we have the urge to question a person’s honesty.  Now, the flip side of that is, if someone is being dishonest, it will eventually come out in the wash, as the old folks used to say, or as the more current saying goes, “what’s done in the dark will come to the light”.  No more needs to be said – I’m going to leave that right there.

I urge you to stop wasting time looking for things that are probably only a part of your imagination, but if you cannot find it within yourself to trust, you have to move on rather than frustrating people with your thoughts and insecurities.

Gurl, I know you’ve been hurt, but at what point do you let the healing begin?  I’m here to tell you there is no time like the present.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

Decluttering Your Mind…

There are times in our lives that we have so much going on mentally that we not only drive ourselves bonkers, but those around us as well.  This was me — that is, until my newfound revelation.

Today, I went to the National Harbor in Washington, DC.  I invited a friend to go along; however, they had other obligations, which I understood came first.  Once my daughter found out that I was going alone, she said that she, her boyfriend, and my grandson could go along.  I responded, “No, I wanted to go by myself”.  She wondered what I would do and I guess felt kind of bad that I would be alone, but I assured her that I was going to be perfectly fine.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was a journey that I needed to take by myself.  In fact, it was imperative that I go alone; otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten what I needed today.

After arriving there, I found the perfect spot in the parking garage and was absolutely elated because this almost never happens to me.  As I walked around, I noticed that most people weren’t by themselves, but I wasn’t bothered by that.  I can remember a time, however, in my life that I would have felt awkward, lonely and depressed to walk alone, and would have tried to make myself invisible by walking with my head down to the ground.  I am no longer that girl and for that I’m grateful; I can walk alone with my head held high because I have learned to enjoy my own company.

I walked into several stores and did some window shopping, and even expanded my walk to several streets over.  By this time, my tummy was talking to me because I had only eaten breakfast.  I went into several establishments to peruse their menus before deciding on Potbelly Sandwich Shop.  Might I add, they had the best turkey club sandwich that I’ve ever had in my life.  I sat there alone eating my sandwich and munching on chips as I caught up with the latest news, and checked my social media pages.

de clutterThen, I went outside and found a nice seat where I could see the water, the sand, and the tour boat.  There were tons of people milling about as this was the perfect day to be out and about.  While sitting there, I people watched for a bit because I always find that very interesting.  At some point, I turned my focus to a group of young people who couldn’t seem to stop cursing and thought back to the days when I was coming along that kids wouldn’t do that in front of adults out of respect.  I felt a nice cool breeze.  Immediately, I felt peach wash over me.  It was at that exact moment that I began to relax.  I forgot about all of the people milling around and I forgot about the young people.  I began to turn my thoughts inward as I focused on me and all the many thoughts I had roaming around in my head of late.  I started sweeping the cobwebs out.  I told myself not to worry about my children/grandchildren, not to worry or focus on my job and the changes being mandated, not to rush to the mailbox everyday looking for a court date for my upcoming divorce, not to worry about my relationship, etc., etc.  I began to smile to myself as I thought about everything that needed to be swept out of my mind.

To further add to my evening, I had no clue that I was going to be in for a musical treat  by the Sea Chanters which is one of the United States Naval Ensembles.  They entertained us for a good hour or more, and were absolutely phenomenal!  As I listened to them sing unfamiliar as well as familiar (they even performed a medley of Motown songs) songs, I relaxed.  I took a deeper breath.  I smiled.  I forgot…

As the crowd dissipated I continued to sit there in the same spot that I had occupied for several hours.  I honestly didn’t want to leave, and could have sat there all night because I felt so renewed and refreshed.

What I took away from today’s outing is that sometimes you need to be alone because our minds are often cluttered with stuff that should be released.  Recently, I’ve been told to relax about certain things that I was having an issue with because of what had transpired in my past.  Because I couldn’t relax, I was driving everyone crazy, including myself.

I don’t know what’s cluttering your mind, but what I do know is that you need to de clutterdeclutter.  You may not have to go out of state like I did to figure it out and to find your peace; however, you need to get a broom and knock down every single one of those cobwebs that is taking over your mind and making you lose focus.  You don’t have to knock them down all at once; perhaps, you need to do it little by little.  No matter which method you choose, it’s essential that you do it.  My mind feels so much lighter (now if my body would catch up, LOL!).

Because my mind was so cluttered with all manner of things, I had lost focus on matters that I shouldn’t have.  Today, I realized that some things I need to let go of, and some things I need to relax about.  In other words, I have to put everything into perspective.

de clutterSome of you have been carrying around the same cobwebs for years and are terrified of knocking them down because you’re so used to them occupying space, and you wonder what will you do without them.  Gurl, let it go!  It’s time!  It’s been time!  Knock out those cobwebs of depression, anger, bitterness, loneliness, frustration.  Stop worrying about your grown children as some of us do.  We have given them all the tools that are necessary and if they don’t choose to use them, we can’t feel guilty about it.  Stop fretting over jobs.  Stop worrying about relationships; if it’s meant to be, it will happen — relax and enjoy the ride (this seems to be the theme and certainly good advice).

Decluttering is something we need to do often.  We shouldn’t allow the cobwebs to build up so much that we’re always frustrated because we can’t see our way clear.  Never be afraid to spend time alone so that you can think and regroup.  When you, don’t be afraid of what you see.  In life, we do and think crazy things sometimes because we’re human.  We worry about issues that we know we shouldn’t.  However, we are to learn from those situations rather than beating ourselves up about them (another theme).

STOP (this is my sister’s and one of my friends

favorite word)

What

You’re

Doing

and

Declutter

As

Soon

As

Possible

When is the last time you decluttered?  

No matter what, always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Gace

Love Triangle

When love comes a knocking will you be able to recognize it or will you overlook it because you’re looking for something/someone else?

You meet someone who you think is really a great person.  Things are going really well, and you’re into them; you’re “digging” them as they used to say back in the day.  Then, you’re out and about and you meet someone else who appears a bit intriguing.  Even though you’re happy with the person you’re with, it’s just something about this person that you want to get to know, and so you do.  As you get to know them, you begin to find one reason after the other to not spend quite as much time with the person that you thought might be “the one” — the person that you initially couldn’t get enough of.  Now, you’ve created a love triangle and are confused as to which one you is the best match for you.  You continue down this path hoping never to get caught, but have already come up with a loop hole in your head — you’ve never made a commitment to either one, and that’s the argument you will use to save yourself.  However, don’t you think it’s wrong?  You’ve got two (could be more) wonderful people who are crazy about you, and think they’re the only one because that’s how you make them feel.  Don’t you feel that’s just a wee bit selfish, and deceptive on your part?  Why not tell both parties that you are not dating exclusively, and that you want to see other people.  Let them decide if they want to stick around or not.  It would certainly spare them heartache.  When you’re not forthcoming, you take away their right.  In my opinion, this is wrong.

If I’m dating to one person, I’m not talking to anyone else, even if we haven’t necessarily had that conversation.  If I’m spending my time getting to know you and we’re constantly communicating, I don’t have time nor do I desire to have time for anyone else.

I’ve heard people say they prefer to date more than one person at a time because it gives them choices and that’s how they determine which one out of the multiple people they are talking to is “the one”.  When you meet people, everyone is different.  Maybe the one person you’re talking to is absolutely beautiful on the inside and out and that makes you a little uneasy because you feel threatened that perhaps they could never be into you; you’re insecure because you feel other people will be attracted to them as well.  However, you really enjoy “kicking” it with them.  They’re funny and engaging as well and, at the end of the day, you really enjoy them.  Maybe, another one, might spoil you financially.  There is still another one who is a great conversationalist; you can go to them if you have any sort of issue, and they always have a resolution and/or make you think, in other words, they challenge you.  Now, how do you select from these three people?  They’re all great, and bring something totally different to the relationship.  You’re really confused, and have no idea what to do.  Do you continue dating all of them until you eventually get caught?  Or do you finally tell the other two that it’s been real, but it’s over?

For me, dating multiple people at once would not only be stressful, but would make me totally confused because I don’t believe there is just one perfect match.  The reason is that each of the people would have something that I’m attracted to.  There is no way that I could take the positives away from each of them and create one whole person.  So, then, how do I decide?  I can’t.  I’d rather date one person at a time to see where it goes, but that’s just me.  I would dare say that most of the time, as you’re getting to know the individual, you’ll know early on if that person has any real potential or not.  It usually doesn’t take months, particularly, if you two are being completely honest with one another.

When I’m in a relationship, I’m pretty transparent about my thoughts, feelings, and past.  Why should I bring a “representative,” when I can be myself?  I don’t want anyone to get to know an “imposter,” but rather the real me.  Everyone talks about the “honeymoon” phase when people are “pretending” to be the best of the best.  I think people should be real, and honest — not fake, and I believe that the best relationships are built on friendships first.  I made a huge mistake once of not being friends with the person that I was in a relationship with and it wound up a complete disaster.

I can’t knock anybody for how they arrive at choosing their perspective mate; however, I urge you to be honest with those you are dating and inform them that they aren’t the only ones so they won’t be devastated when, and if, you select someone else over them.  I, personally, believe it’s just the right thing to do.

Maybe, you’re not caught in a love triangle but you find yourself confused about the person you’re in a relationship with.  You have feelings for them, and whenever you two aren’t together, you can’t get them out of your head.  However, for whatever reason, you’re unable to commit to them, even though you know you think they’d be perfect for you.  Is it fear or are you holding out because you feel you might find someone better?

If you have genuine feelings for a someone, don’t be afraid to tell them.  Let them in on your “secret”.  Don’t keep them guessing or have them “assume”.

In my onion, honesty is always the best policy.  If you lose the person you really want, you can’t blame anyone except yourself.  I say go for what you want.  I’m a romantic, so for me love is just that important.  A good love story and seeing a couple ride off into the sunset together brings tears to my eyes, as I’m a softy when it comes to happy endings.

If you’re still waiting on love, it will come.  Don’t sacrifice.  Your knight in shining armor is right around the corner, but you have to be patient.  In the meantime, do you.  Don’t sit on your sofa watching TV and eating tons of snacks.  Enjoy your life.  Hang out with your friends, travel, go back to school or whatever it is that makes you happy because…

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

 

Heartbroken Part II

Broken Heart Quotes

Heartbroken:  Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.

So many people have been heartbroken and are left with the “burden” of trying to pick up the pieces of their lives, which can an extremely daunting task.  

Perhaps, you can identify with some of the scenarios listed below:

Some people really care about the person they are in a relationship with but are afraid to share their “true” feelings.  They feel that by doing so they are opening themselves up for hurt “again”.  Let’s face it, no one likes pain.   It’s scary but you must deal with your feelings and emotions because the person you’re in a relationship with may misconstrue your lack of communication as you’re really not that interested and walk right out of your life, and wind up with someone else who is not afraid to be open.  Then, you’re left with a feeling of “regret” because you’re sorry that you were unable to feel free enough or comfortable enough to talk to them because of your past “hurts” kept you from doing so.  You couldn’t tell yourself this wasn’t the person who hurt you.  You couldn’t lower the wall that you built so that you could fully let them in and allow yourself to be free to love again.  Now, the person that you really cared about is gone; they’ve walked right into the open arms of someone else.  Now, you’re left feeling “heartbroken”.  People will hang in there for a bit with the hope that you will eventually let go of your fears; however, they aren’t going to wait forever nor should they.  

Have you ever been with someone that you thought was really into you only to discover they were playing games because of their immaturity.  They knew exactly how you felt about them.  Instead of them saying they wanted to date other people and that your relationship with them wasn’t “exclusive”, they said nothing.  They “led” you to “believe” you were the only one.  I believe that’s pretty selfish and it’s never, ever cool to do that to anyone.  It’s not right to play with anyone’s heart just because you feel like you can.  Ask yourself would you want someone to do this to you?

Have you ever been in a relationship with an imposter, an absolute fake?  You thought they were someone they weren’t.  They were absolutely charming and you couldn’t get enough of them.  However, there was another side to them that you were totally unaware of.  The relationship goes south because of the things they did to ruin it, but that wasn’t the worse part.  They told “vicious” lies on you and tried to destroy your character by “proclaiming” to anyone who would listen that you were an awful person by saying that you did things that you’d never dream of doing.  They tried to flip the script because in all actuality they were doing the things they accused you of.  At this point, you’re beyond heartbroken — you’re absolutely devastated.  How could someone you loved so much cause so much pain, devastation, and destruction?

Some of you may sabotage your perfectly good relationship because you’re deathly afraid this is real, so you back off.  You stop taking the person’s calls and find reasons why you can’t spend time with them.  You tell your feelings to go away because you’re absolutely terrified of being hurt again.  You walk out of the relationship leaving the person confused.  You’re hurting, though, because of your decision.  However, what you don’t understand is the other person is as well.  They didn’t get an explanation.  They didn’t get closure.  You just went “ghost” on them.  You allowed your fear to have possibly walked out on something great; this could have been the perfect person for you.  Now, you’ll never know.

Maybe you are in the group of people, who after a break up, just want to be left alone.  You shut down.  You walk through life hoping to be invisible.  You feel like you can’t “trust” yourself to choose the “right” person, so you close your heart.  You meet people who ask you out but you, respectfully, decline every single time.  Then, one day, you decide it’s been long enough, even though you’re still a little skeptical.  You’ve cried a million tears, and have finally gotten over the hurt.  Your heart has been “mended”.  You meet the person of your dreams, but you’re not sure if this is real or not.  Can a person really be that in to you?  Can things really be going that well?  You’re not sure.  The old pain tries to resurface.  Your head and your heart are both reeling.  Which one should you trust — your head or your heart?  Little by little, you let down your defenses as you learn to trust this person, but you’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop.   This is the happiest you’ve been in forever.  This is the point where you become overwhelmed by fear.  Suppose this doesn’t work?  Suppose this person breaks your heart too?  Should you take a step back?  Should you end the relationship before it fizzes out?  Now, you’re anxious.  You can’t enjoy the here and now because you have become so fixated on the fact that this relationship may not work.  You take deep breaths to calm your fears, and eventually get over it.  You realize you can’t be afraid and repeatedly tell yourself this is not your ex.  

Sometimes, you’re in a relationship and everyone else around you can see that it’s not a good fit.  They express their feelings and concern; however, you don’t listen to anyone because you’re in “too deep” as the old saying goes “your nose is wide open”.  You ignore their warnings only to discover some time down the road that they were correct.  You ask yourself “How could I have missed the red flags?”  Sometimes, “love really is blind”, but don’t beat yourself up about it.  A lot of us have been there, done that.

There are instances when, after “breaking your heart” and you’ve moved on, the person who caused the “pain” attempts to reenter your life “claiming” they’ve changed and, perhaps, they have.  They “seem” genuinely sorrowful, which leaves you totally confused.  You’ve purged them from your heart and mind, and now they’re back.  Do you tell them to kick rocks or do you take a chance on being hurt again?  Only you can answer that question.  For me, personally, when it’s over, it’s over.  There is no going back because I can’t forget the pain that left indelible scars on my heart.  I wish them well, but it’s just way too late.  Done is done!

Maybe, you’ve never gotten your heart broken, but rather you’ve broken hearts all of your life.  It’s time for you to take responsibility for your actions!  No one deserves to be hurt because of your fear or insecurities regarding love.  They fell in love with you and hoped their feelings would be reciprocated.  Instead, you left them with a big hole in their heart.  If you can’t commit, be upfront with the person you’re dating so they can then determine if this is the relationship for them or not.

If you are asking yourself “What’s wrong with me”, I want you to stop.  You’re wonderful but, sadly, the person who broke your heart didn’t appreciate what they had.

For those of you who are crying yourself to sleep at night, it’s okay.  Cry until you get it all out, and then pick up the pieces of your life bit by bit.  

Broken heart

When your heart is broken, it hurts like the dickens.  Trust me, I know.  You feel as though your heart has been broken into a million tiny pieces, and you’ll never be able to put it back together.  You’ve got to allow yourself time to heal.  Take back the power that you’ve given to the one you loved.  Get back in the driver seat of your life.  Let the healing begin.  Get a good support system who will be there to hold you up, and to catch you when you fall.  You are much stronger than you could imagine.  You got this!

A few more quotes about love:

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. – Alexander Graham Bell

Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. – Anonymous

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. – J. K. Rowlin

#WeGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace