What’s the Point?

One day, you meet someone who you are immediately drawn to.  You know you shouldn’t askImage result for image of pencil point for their number because you’re currently in a relationship but you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know this person as your curiosity has gotten the best of you.  It’s just “something” about them  that has caught your attention, even though it was a brief encounter.  In your heart of hearts, you know it’s not the right thing to do, particularly, if you’re married, but you do it anyway.  You convince yourself that it’s okay.  After all, you’re not committing a crime by asking for a phone number.  You say to yourself ,”What’s the harm in that”?

.Maybe your situation is that, you’re attracted to someone you work with.  You see this same person day in and day out.  You like the way he or she dresses.  You like their smell.  You two share a lot of the same interests.  You also communicate with this person comfortably.  Before you realize what has happened, you develop feelings for them, which is easy to do, since you spend most of your waking hours on your job.  As the song goes “Oops, there it is”.  You’ve now messed up.  You have created a love triangle which was the last thing in the world you planned to do.  You have a great person at home whom you love dearly, but there is just something about this other person that you can’t seem to shake.  Eventually, you start “sneaking” around with them and the sordid “affair” begins.  The person knows you’re married, and you tell them that you absolutely have no intention on leaving your current relationship for them, and they’re down with it — that is, until their feelings become involved.  Now, it becomes “complicated”.

Cheater:  A person who acts dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.

Now, that you’re doing your thing by pursing an outside interest, think of all of the energy you are expending in pursuing that person which could be used to repair your “broken” relationship.  You tear your partner down to ease your “guilty” conscience and drag their names through the mud by accusing them outwardly of things you know they’re not doing.  Will there always be someone who looks better, be more intelligent, be a sharper dresser, etc. then the person you’re with?  Absolutely.  However, that doesn’t give you the right to take a detour and cross the line.

The day finally comes along when you totally get busted because your partner unexpectedly found out about your “philandering” ways.  Yeah...I have something to tell you...*awkward laugh* Love Triangle Quotes, Triangle Love, Men Quotes, True Quotes, Truth Of Life, Falling For You Quotes, Falling In Love, Quotes To Live By, Sad LoveThis was the day you’d hope would never come.  Well, now, all heck breaks loose.  You have hurt the last person in the world that you really wanted to cause harm.  You apologize and tell them that it meant nothing.  You tell them that you just got caught up in the moment.  You watch your partner crumble from the hurt and the pain that you alone are responsible for.  Now, you feel like a heel.  No amount of apologizing can turn back the hands of time.  What’s done in the dark will come to light every single time.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and things aren’t going well, before deciding to check out whether or not the grass is greener on the other side, how about talking to your partner first about the things that make you unhappy.  Perhaps, you’d like to be able to communicate more or split up the housework more evenly or spend more time together, etc.  I think they’d rather know you aren’t feeling the relationship than have you break their heart.   Also, you can’t expect things to get better if your partner is unaware that you’re not happy in the first place, and let’s face it, it’s totally unfair for you to assume they can read your mind.  Once you two sit down and decide on what course of action to take, remember that things won’t necessarily change immediately, so don’t expect an overnight sensation; give your partner a chance as you two work together to make things better.  Remember, it took a while for things to derail.

When you’re cheating, you have no idea how much pain or the sometimes irreversible damage you’ve caused or the fragility of your partners mind.  A long time ago, someone shared a real life story with me about a person they knew who had been cheated on.  A woman that they knew was engaged to marry and was excited, as we women usually are, when we are asked, “Will you marry me”.  However, what she didn’t know was that he had also asked someone else to marry him as well.  As it turned out, he married the other woman.  She was completely devastated and pretty much lost it, and had to take medication for the remainder of her life because her mind was blown.  Was that fair?  Not at all!  She didn’t deserve that.  The “ex” was able to go on and live a happy life with his bride while this poor woman was never the same.  Wouldn’t it have been much simpler for him to tell her that it was over rather than completely destroying her by deceit?

When I was in my early 20’s this married guy tried hitting on me by “dogging” his wife.  My response was, “If your relationship is that bad, why are you still there”?  Guess what?  He walked away and I never had that issue from him again.  I respected myself enough and this guy’s wife enough to not get caught up in his foolishness, even though he obviously didn’t respect the vows that he took.

No matter how “slick” or “sneaky” you think you are, eventually you do get caught.  Before crossing the line, ask yourself “Is it really worth it?  What’s the point”?

Cheating hurts!  It doesn’t feel good to be cheated on.  It’s never cool and it’s never okay.

If you’re being cheated on or have been cheated on in the past, I understand the hurt and pain you are experiencing today; however, trust me, it won’t last forever.  You have to find a way to let go of the pain and part of your healing process is by forgiving (easier said than done, I know).  You have to move on.   You will need a good support system to surround yourself with.  You may need a therapist.  You will definitely need to pray your way through the agony.  In the end, you will get through this!

Work on your current relationship.

If your relationship is unsalvageable, move on before starting another one.

No one deserves to get hurt or mixed up in your love triangle.

It’s not just about you; people have feelings.

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No matter what you’re experiencing today, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

How Do You Make Your Man Feel?

Ladies, have you ever really wondered what men want?  I think most of us would Image result for men don't wantthink that we know.  The question is, “Do we really”?  Have we ever taken the time to ask them or do we “assume”?  When posed with this question, I’m sure the first thing that comes to mind is “intimacy”.  However, men want much more than that.  Actually, they want a lot of the same things that we do.  Hard to believe, right?  I thought so too.  I have a male friend who wanted to be married, and never thought it was going to happen for him.  He is a very nice guy, and was great husband material; however, it seemed he either met all the wrong women or wasn’t meeting any women at all — that is, until the day he met the woman of his dreams that he would later go on to marry.

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Sometimes, men feel that women don’t want “good” guys; they seem to only be attracted to the “bad boys”, who more often than not, will break their hearts (usually these are the younger women; been there done that).  You have men who go to work every single day to pay bills and become established, so that when that “special someone” enters their lives, they’re prepared.  This may require them to work long hours or, perhaps, work a full and part-time job.  Sometimes, women can’t handle this because they feel the men aren’t spending “enough” time with them, and feel left out and/or ignored.  No matter how difficult it is, don’t become disheartened because you haven’t really matured enough to understand his “grind”; let him do his thing.  Some of you may ultimately end the relationship, then wind up with the guy who has no vision, no goals, and is definitely not planning for his future.

If you’re the type of woman who emasculates your man and then expects him to be the leader, your rock, your confident, etc., it’s not going to happen.  You can’t have it both ways — either you want a man or boy, you decide.  In our defense, there are times when we tear down our man’s self-esteem “unintentionally”.  I was talking to a close friend of mine and told him about an incident that occurred in my past relationship.  He listened to what I had to say, and then told me I was wrong.  What?  Wait!  Wrong?  For years, I thought I handled the situation appropriately, but after he broke it down, I clearly saw the “error of my ways”.  He was correct.  I really felt bad.  What an eye opener as I heard it from a man’s point of view.  So, sorry.

Some of us women have strong, dominating personalities and while “real” men love strong women, they don’t want nor do they need a woman who is acting in the role of their mother — meaning telling them every single thing to do as if he doesn’t have a clue.  Also, most guys don’t like control freaks, naggers or women who like to argue about every single thing.  If this is you, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ll eventually lose your “good” man because he’s not going to deal with this no matter how much he is into you.

In today’s society, some women are earning more income than their man.  Because of this some have the attitude, “I don’t really need you” as they “attempt” to wear the pants in the relationship, thereby, making their guy feel less and less a man each and every day, and certainly less special.  This is a recipe for disaster, I don’t care who told you otherwise.  Men want women who know how to be submissive.  Now, before you get all upset and say to yourself, “I’m not going to let any man control me”, listen.  I’m not saying that we should be a doormat.  If you have a “real” man, you should let him take the lead.  It will do wonders for his self-esteem and you’ll feel good knowing you put a smile on “your man’s” face.  You need to keep in mind that your man encounters many negative things on a daily basis; therefore, you should desire to encourage him, uplift him, listen to him, pray for and with him, be a help meet, have his back, etc.  Let him know you are there for him, and just how much he means to you.

 

Some of you have been so hurt from your previous relationship that you can’t enjoy your current one  Image result for what men don't wantbecause you’re too busy waiting for the other shoe to drop.  You’re with a great guy, learn to relax and just breathe.

 
Lastly, if you Image result for what men want imagehaven’t figured out what makes your man happy and/or tick, ask him; trust me, he’ll be more than a little excited that you did.  Don’t ever be scared to show just how much you care.

 

 

 

Be upfront.

Be honest.

Be supportive.

 

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every Man is Not a Woof-Woof…

I love to watch a good love story, and get absolutely absorbed by the role the characters are portraying.  Sometimes, I forget that it’s just a movie and find myself dabbing at my eyes (okay, wiping my eyes and sniffing at the same time, LOL!) — either because it was a happy ending or I wished the ending were happy.  

People will tell you that real love only exists in movies, and that you shouldn’t have your heart set on meeting a nice guy because they simply don’t exist.  I absolutely refuse to believe that.  Yes, we have all heard sad, heartbreaking stories from our female family members and/or friends about how they felt they got the bad end of the stick in their relationship.  Thus, this has made them extremely bitter and skeptical of any and all males.  Men, in their opinion, are  no good; they never have been and never will be.

I know an older gentleman who is 81 years old.  His wife died some time ago, but he still talks about her fondly.  He talks about their “love affair” — meaning the things they did together.  He always tells me that she didn’t take any stuff off him, but he loved it.  He let me know they didn’t have the perfect relationship, but they were perfect for each other.  He talks about the trips they took, and how much he loved having her on his arms.  He said that she was pretty, and was built really nice.  He said when they entered a room, men would notice her.  He could have felt insecure, but he was proud that she was his wife -his woman.  Others could look, but she belonged solely to him.  As he talks, I sometimes get teary-eyed (yes, I’m a softy) as I hear the love in his voice that he had and still has for his wife even though she’s no longer with  him physically.  Now, that’s a real life love story.  

For those of you ladies who feel as though you can’t ever love again or ever trust again because of your past relationship(s), learn to let go.  Yes, you’ve been hurt; I’m sure most of us have.  Sometimes, it’s because we chose the wrong person, and sometimes, it’s because the guy was a total jerk.  Irregardless, don’t judge every guy you meet as no good or assume they have an ulterior motive.  There are some really wonderful men out there if you would just open your heart and mind to receive them.  Sometimes, they might not be in the package that you were looking for.  Maybe you want a tall guy, a muscular built guy, a guy with a full head of hair or hair on his face or whatever your preference, the man standing before you doesn’t look like any of these but he’s really a nice guy.  Will you look over him because of his outer appearance?  Perhaps, he is letting you know that he’s really digging you, and you turn your nose up at him as if you smell something foul.  Well, honey, he’s not going to wait around forever even if he is interested.  One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, and don’t ever forget that.  If you do, you will be by yourself for the rest of your life or end up with someone you really don’t want just to be in a relationship.

Let go of your “Mr. Wrong” so that you can get your “Mr. Right”.  He’s waiting for you and you only.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

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Love the One You’re With — You

Happy Valentine’s Day!  This a day that society has set aside for love, and let’s face it, most women are happy on today.  While boyfriends and husbands

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ALWAYS CELEBRATE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT

race around shopping for the perfect gift or something that expresses how they feel about them, their woman waits in anticipation.  Some women are expecting this will be the day that their beau will propose to them, and they are already imagining the type of ring they will receive.   While other women only want a nice candle lit dinner, flowers, and perhaps a movie.  Still other women just want a nice quiet evening with their respective other.  These are the group of women who are blissfully happy.

However, there is another group of women who aren’t in a relationship and are depressed on this day as they hear about the love that’s being bestowed upon their female friends and family members.  While they’re outwardly excited for them, inwardly they are unhappy and wonder when will be their turn for love.  Some women even question what’s wrong with them because they feel unwanted and unloved.  

While Valentine’s Day is a great time to show love for those we care about, we should celebrate it every single day of the year.  Love on those that you care about by calling or texting or spending time or whatever your love language is.  Oftentimes, it’s the small things that mean the most, but are frequently missed.

For those of you who don’t have anyone on this day, love the one you’re with — you.  If you like flowers, it’s okay to buy your own; put them in a vase on your table to admire.  Watch that chic flick that you’ve been dying to see while laughing or crying or both.  If you like jewelry, who says you can’t purchase your own?  You can even get together with your single girlfriends and enjoy each other’s company.

Yes, it’s great to have someone shower you with love today.  However, learn to love the one you’re with…you.

I’m updating my post because after reading today’s blog, one of my male readers made a great point.  He said women aren’t the only one’s with feelings.  Guess what?  He’s correct.  We often forget that men feel the way we do because they are often made to squash or hide whatever sensitive emotion they’re experiencing.  However, I beg to differ.  Honestly, I don’t there is anything more appealing than a man who can share his true emotions.  Now, I know some of you women may disagree because that’s what we’ve been taught to believe. 

So to all of my male readers that may find yourselves alone today, don’t feel lonely.  Do something for you.  Go out and purchase that bottle of cologne you’ve been eyeing.  Grab a box of Chinese food or whatever you have a taste for.  Go home and check out that action packed flick that you’ve been too busy to watch.  Whatever you do, enjoy your day!

Always remember, #WeAllGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

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P.S.:  This is how I decorated my table for the month of February.

Milk and the Cow…

I’m writing today’s post at the request of one of my readers.  She wants to be married, and is currently living with her boyfriend.  However, when she broached

the subject of marriage, his response was:  There are things “you” need to work on and behaviors “you” need to correct before I can even “think” about marrying you.

I’m sure many a woman have faced this same dilemma.  You and your boyfriend live together and are “playing” house, so to speak (not judging).  Unfortunately, oftentimes, you two have varying outlooks on where the relationship is headed — you marriage but, unfortunately, sometimes, he just wants to keep you in girlfriend status.

So my reader is a little down because she doesn’t know what to do at this point.  She and her boyfriend have lived together for a little bit.  They share the bills, chores, cooking and, of course, intimacy.  However, he is not currently ready for marriage based on their conversation(s).  The reader feels like she is in girlfriend status, but doing wifely things, and this is not how she envisioned their relationship to be.  She doesn’t feel comfortable with intimacy and some of the things he is asking that she do, and is often told in so many words that “it really isn’t all that great”.  I can visualize all of you right now rolling your eyes.  Trust me, I know.

The reader doesn’t want to get “stuck” being a girlfriend indefinitely but wants to know what to do at this point.  It’s easy for everyone to say, “Girl, if he’s not going to marry you now, you need to leave him” because we’re all on the outside looking in.  Some people may even say, “You shouldn’t live with him anyway unless you’re married” as they look down their noses (people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones).  However, when your heart is involved, it’s not as easy as it seems; you aren’t able to think clearly, even though your head is trying to lead you in the right direction.

There is an old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”?  Sometimes, guys only want the milk, and not the cow.  They will “play” house as long as they are allowed to without any real commitment.  In most instances, we, as women, become emotionally attached a lot sooner than men do and, therein, lies the problem.  However, in my opinion, men know the type of woman they are looking for and who they want to spend the rest of their lives with, but cannot and will not be rushed just because we want it “now”.

If you’re in a relationship, talk about what you want and don’t want before the relationship goes too far.  If you want to be married, don’t be afraid to say that as you are getting to know him.  If you want children, that should also be a topic of discussion.  No one likes to be blindsided by these conversations later because they feel like you’re changing the rules midstream.  The flip side of the coin is that you’ve been with your man for several years, and every time you discuss marriage he chokes up.  You ask him why, and his response is “I’m just not ready”.  Then, “Houston, you’ve got a problem”.

Now, getting back to the reader’s question, what should she do?  We all make choices — some good, some not so good.  Personally, I’ve never lived with anyone before marriage, so I don’t know that I can answer that question appropriately; however, that doesn’t make me any better of a person than she is.  We’ve all done things and are still doing things that we’re not proud of because none of us are perfect.  What I can say is that we have to not only listen to what our partner says but pay attention.  There are definitely times that “he is just not that into us”.  If he says that he only wants to keep you in the friend zone, believe him.  You can never try to force a person to do something they don’t want to because it will blow up in your face every single time.  I will say, though, that sooner or later you’ll have to make a decision in terms of what’s best for you.  If you want marriage and he is saying no cigar, then you need to rethink your relationship.  You don’t want to spend a million years with someone who is not on the same page as you and possibly miss the “one”.

Years ago, I dated a guy whose sister-in-law told me that he would never get married.  Not long after that we stopped dating.  He has been dating a woman for years now, and hasn’t married her to this very day.  I’m not knocking it because apparently it works for them.  However, this arrangement doesn’t work well for every woman and you need to make sure you’re getting what you want.

Sometimes, you may find yourself alone because you refuse to settle for less than what you want or deserve, for that matter, and it’s perfectly okay.  Trust me, when I tell you, that settling will cause you a lot of heartbreak and heartache.  Been there.  Done that.  Didn’t feel good.

Don’t continue to be milked only if that’s not what you want because…

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

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If you have topics that you would like to see covered, please feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at grace.deveraux@yahoo.com.

Why Leave It Up To Someone Else?

Now, that I’ve got your attention, I’m talking about life’s most precious gems – our

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These gems can’t begin to compare to our “children” no matter how costly they are.

children and/or grandchildren (for those grandparents who are raising them).

 

People look to basketball players, baseball players, celebrities and the like to be role models.  However…it should start at home.  Don’t you think?  What type of life are you living in front of your children?  Are you teaching them about life’s lessons?  Are you watching what you say and do around them, particularly, when they are at the impressionable phase of their lives wherein they mimic everything that you say and do?  Are you monitoring what they’re watching on TV?  Are you careful about where you leave them and with whom?  Do you know their friends and their friends parents?  Are you just dropping them off anywhere, so that you can have free time to “unwind”?

Why entrust your “gem(s)” to someone else for them to look up to?  I understand that we point out certain well-known people to show them who and what they can be, and that’s fine, but you have to live the life of positivity around them daily because they’re with you most of the time.  Be the change that you want to see in them.  Who else should they pattern their lives after other than their caretakers?

When you look at your children/grandchildren, do you see yourself, positively, in them?  Do they have your outgoing personality?  Are they caring?  Are they sensitive?  Are they helpful?  Do they laugh a lot?  Are they adventurous?  What do you see?  One of my friends and I had a conversation about this recently and the consensus was that if you see nothing, perhaps, you’re not spending enough “quality” time with them.  Hmm?  Food for thought.  The flip side of the coin is that because we are with our children/grandchildren everyday, we may not notice just how much they are like us and the influence we have on them — positively or negatively.

There are exceptions, however, as it is with every rule.  Perhaps, you are a woman raising your son alone, and have no idea how to teach him to be a boy or prepare him for manhood.  There are programs available such as the Big Brother program, and some of your local churches even have mentor programs.  You’ll have to do some searching, but it’s worth it.  If you need assistance, don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask.  After all, your child’s very life depends on it.

For those of you who don’t need help, put in the work with your child.  I guarantee the results will be rewarding.  You never know who you’re raising your precious gem(s) to be.

As always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

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Let It Go!

This week, I had no idea what I was going to write about, and was actually stuck.  One of my friend’s read last week’s post on “Still No Bun in the Oven”, and wanted to give his perspective from a man’s point of view.  Then, on my ride into work one morning, I was talking to one of my friends about some “stuff”, and the word he gave me was “Let It Go”.  He said it several times until it finally sank in.  I thought to myself, “Hmm, I’m sure I’m not the only one who needs to let things go and, thus, my second post was born.   

I’m the type of person whose mind is constantly racing.  I can’t turn it off unless I’m sleeping.  While I’m driving, I’m thinking. While I’m working, I’m thinking.  Always thinking, thinking, thinking.  I’m sure this is one of the many reasons why I’m comatose after I fall asleep.  You could move my bed, and I probably wouldn’t notice until I woke up the next morning.

There are days that I just can’t seem to let things go.  Things bother me way more than I let on.  I need to let it go!  

Have you ever been angry at someone for something they’ve done to you.  It’s been years, and you’re still holding onto it.  It’s time to let it go!

You’re stressing over finances.  You’ve been stressing over your children.  You’ve been stressing over your job.  You are still stressing over the terrible relationship.  You’re stressing because your biological clock is ticking.  You’re stressing because you’re not in a relationship.  You’re stressing, stressing and stressing some more.  Let it all go.  

Start your weekend off on a good note —

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As always, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

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