Love Triangle

When love comes a knocking will you be able to recognize it or will you overlook it because you’re looking for something/someone else?

You meet someone who you think is really a great person.  Things are going really well, and you’re into them; you’re “digging” them as they used to say back in the day.  Then, you’re out and about and you meet someone else who appears a bit intriguing.  Even though you’re happy with the person you’re with, it’s just something about this person that you want to get to know, and so you do.  As you get to know them, you begin to find one reason after the other to not spend quite as much time with the person that you thought might be “the one” — the person that you initially couldn’t get enough of.  Now, you’ve created a love triangle and are confused as to which one you is the best match for you.  You continue down this path hoping never to get caught, but have already come up with a loop hole in your head — you’ve never made a commitment to either one, and that’s the argument you will use to save yourself.  However, don’t you think it’s wrong?  You’ve got two (could be more) wonderful people who are crazy about you, and think they’re the only one because that’s how you make them feel.  Don’t you feel that’s just a wee bit selfish, and deceptive on your part?  Why not tell both parties that you are not dating exclusively, and that you want to see other people.  Let them decide if they want to stick around or not.  It would certainly spare them heartache.  When you’re not forthcoming, you take away their right.  In my opinion, this is wrong.

If I’m dating to one person, I’m not talking to anyone else, even if we haven’t necessarily had that conversation.  If I’m spending my time getting to know you and we’re constantly communicating, I don’t have time nor do I desire to have time for anyone else.

I’ve heard people say they prefer to date more than one person at a time because it gives them choices and that’s how they determine which one out of the multiple people they are talking to is “the one”.  When you meet people, everyone is different.  Maybe the one person you’re talking to is absolutely beautiful on the inside and out and that makes you a little uneasy because you feel threatened that perhaps they could never be into you; you’re insecure because you feel other people will be attracted to them as well.  However, you really enjoy “kicking” it with them.  They’re funny and engaging as well and, at the end of the day, you really enjoy them.  Maybe, another one, might spoil you financially.  There is still another one who is a great conversationalist; you can go to them if you have any sort of issue, and they always have a resolution and/or make you think, in other words, they challenge you.  Now, how do you select from these three people?  They’re all great, and bring something totally different to the relationship.  You’re really confused, and have no idea what to do.  Do you continue dating all of them until you eventually get caught?  Or do you finally tell the other two that it’s been real, but it’s over?

For me, dating multiple people at once would not only be stressful, but would make me totally confused because I don’t believe there is just one perfect match.  The reason is that each of the people would have something that I’m attracted to.  There is no way that I could take the positives away from each of them and create one whole person.  So, then, how do I decide?  I can’t.  I’d rather date one person at a time to see where it goes, but that’s just me.  I would dare say that most of the time, as you’re getting to know the individual, you’ll know early on if that person has any real potential or not.  It usually doesn’t take months, particularly, if you two are being completely honest with one another.

When I’m in a relationship, I’m pretty transparent about my thoughts, feelings, and past.  Why should I bring a “representative,” when I can be myself?  I don’t want anyone to get to know an “imposter,” but rather the real me.  Everyone talks about the “honeymoon” phase when people are “pretending” to be the best of the best.  I think people should be real, and honest — not fake, and I believe that the best relationships are built on friendships first.  I made a huge mistake once of not being friends with the person that I was in a relationship with and it wound up a complete disaster.

I can’t knock anybody for how they arrive at choosing their perspective mate; however, I urge you to be honest with those you are dating and inform them that they aren’t the only ones so they won’t be devastated when, and if, you select someone else over them.  I, personally, believe it’s just the right thing to do.

Maybe, you’re not caught in a love triangle but you find yourself confused about the person you’re in a relationship with.  You have feelings for them, and whenever you two aren’t together, you can’t get them out of your head.  However, for whatever reason, you’re unable to commit to them, even though you know you think they’d be perfect for you.  Is it fear or are you holding out because you feel you might find someone better?

If you have genuine feelings for a someone, don’t be afraid to tell them.  Let them in on your “secret”.  Don’t keep them guessing or have them “assume”.

In my onion, honesty is always the best policy.  If you lose the person you really want, you can’t blame anyone except yourself.  I say go for what you want.  I’m a romantic, so for me love is just that important.  A good love story and seeing a couple ride off into the sunset together brings tears to my eyes, as I’m a softy when it comes to happy endings.

If you’re still waiting on love, it will come.  Don’t sacrifice.  Your knight in shining armor is right around the corner, but you have to be patient.  In the meantime, do you.  Don’t sit on your sofa watching TV and eating tons of snacks.  Enjoy your life.  Hang out with your friends, travel, go back to school or whatever it is that makes you happy because…

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

 

Heartbroken Part II

Broken Heart Quotes

Heartbroken:  Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.

So many people have been heartbroken and are left with the “burden” of trying to pick up the pieces of their lives, which can an extremely daunting task.  

Perhaps, you can identify with some of the scenarios listed below:

Some people really care about the person they are in a relationship with but are afraid to share their “true” feelings.  They feel that by doing so they are opening themselves up for hurt “again”.  Let’s face it, no one likes pain.   It’s scary but you must deal with your feelings and emotions because the person you’re in a relationship with may misconstrue your lack of communication as you’re really not that interested and walk right out of your life, and wind up with someone else who is not afraid to be open.  Then, you’re left with a feeling of “regret” because you’re sorry that you were unable to feel free enough or comfortable enough to talk to them because of your past “hurts” kept you from doing so.  You couldn’t tell yourself this wasn’t the person who hurt you.  You couldn’t lower the wall that you built so that you could fully let them in and allow yourself to be free to love again.  Now, the person that you really cared about is gone; they’ve walked right into the open arms of someone else.  Now, you’re left feeling “heartbroken”.  People will hang in there for a bit with the hope that you will eventually let go of your fears; however, they aren’t going to wait forever nor should they.  

Have you ever been with someone that you thought was really into you only to discover they were playing games because of their immaturity.  They knew exactly how you felt about them.  Instead of them saying they wanted to date other people and that your relationship with them wasn’t “exclusive”, they said nothing.  They “led” you to “believe” you were the only one.  I believe that’s pretty selfish and it’s never, ever cool to do that to anyone.  It’s not right to play with anyone’s heart just because you feel like you can.  Ask yourself would you want someone to do this to you?

Have you ever been in a relationship with an imposter, an absolute fake?  You thought they were someone they weren’t.  They were absolutely charming and you couldn’t get enough of them.  However, there was another side to them that you were totally unaware of.  The relationship goes south because of the things they did to ruin it, but that wasn’t the worse part.  They told “vicious” lies on you and tried to destroy your character by “proclaiming” to anyone who would listen that you were an awful person by saying that you did things that you’d never dream of doing.  They tried to flip the script because in all actuality they were doing the things they accused you of.  At this point, you’re beyond heartbroken — you’re absolutely devastated.  How could someone you loved so much cause so much pain, devastation, and destruction?

Some of you may sabotage your perfectly good relationship because you’re deathly afraid this is real, so you back off.  You stop taking the person’s calls and find reasons why you can’t spend time with them.  You tell your feelings to go away because you’re absolutely terrified of being hurt again.  You walk out of the relationship leaving the person confused.  You’re hurting, though, because of your decision.  However, what you don’t understand is the other person is as well.  They didn’t get an explanation.  They didn’t get closure.  You just went “ghost” on them.  You allowed your fear to have possibly walked out on something great; this could have been the perfect person for you.  Now, you’ll never know.

Maybe you are in the group of people, who after a break up, just want to be left alone.  You shut down.  You walk through life hoping to be invisible.  You feel like you can’t “trust” yourself to choose the “right” person, so you close your heart.  You meet people who ask you out but you, respectfully, decline every single time.  Then, one day, you decide it’s been long enough, even though you’re still a little skeptical.  You’ve cried a million tears, and have finally gotten over the hurt.  Your heart has been “mended”.  You meet the person of your dreams, but you’re not sure if this is real or not.  Can a person really be that in to you?  Can things really be going that well?  You’re not sure.  The old pain tries to resurface.  Your head and your heart are both reeling.  Which one should you trust — your head or your heart?  Little by little, you let down your defenses as you learn to trust this person, but you’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop.   This is the happiest you’ve been in forever.  This is the point where you become overwhelmed by fear.  Suppose this doesn’t work?  Suppose this person breaks your heart too?  Should you take a step back?  Should you end the relationship before it fizzes out?  Now, you’re anxious.  You can’t enjoy the here and now because you have become so fixated on the fact that this relationship may not work.  You take deep breaths to calm your fears, and eventually get over it.  You realize you can’t be afraid and repeatedly tell yourself this is not your ex.  

Sometimes, you’re in a relationship and everyone else around you can see that it’s not a good fit.  They express their feelings and concern; however, you don’t listen to anyone because you’re in “too deep” as the old saying goes “your nose is wide open”.  You ignore their warnings only to discover some time down the road that they were correct.  You ask yourself “How could I have missed the red flags?”  Sometimes, “love really is blind”, but don’t beat yourself up about it.  A lot of us have been there, done that.

There are instances when, after “breaking your heart” and you’ve moved on, the person who caused the “pain” attempts to reenter your life “claiming” they’ve changed and, perhaps, they have.  They “seem” genuinely sorrowful, which leaves you totally confused.  You’ve purged them from your heart and mind, and now they’re back.  Do you tell them to kick rocks or do you take a chance on being hurt again?  Only you can answer that question.  For me, personally, when it’s over, it’s over.  There is no going back because I can’t forget the pain that left indelible scars on my heart.  I wish them well, but it’s just way too late.  Done is done!

Maybe, you’ve never gotten your heart broken, but rather you’ve broken hearts all of your life.  It’s time for you to take responsibility for your actions!  No one deserves to be hurt because of your fear or insecurities regarding love.  They fell in love with you and hoped their feelings would be reciprocated.  Instead, you left them with a big hole in their heart.  If you can’t commit, be upfront with the person you’re dating so they can then determine if this is the relationship for them or not.

If you are asking yourself “What’s wrong with me”, I want you to stop.  You’re wonderful but, sadly, the person who broke your heart didn’t appreciate what they had.

For those of you who are crying yourself to sleep at night, it’s okay.  Cry until you get it all out, and then pick up the pieces of your life bit by bit.  

Broken heart

When your heart is broken, it hurts like the dickens.  Trust me, I know.  You feel as though your heart has been broken into a million tiny pieces, and you’ll never be able to put it back together.  You’ve got to allow yourself time to heal.  Take back the power that you’ve given to the one you loved.  Get back in the driver seat of your life.  Let the healing begin.  Get a good support system who will be there to hold you up, and to catch you when you fall.  You are much stronger than you could imagine.  You got this!

A few more quotes about love:

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. – Alexander Graham Bell

Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. – Anonymous

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. – J. K. Rowlin

#WeGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

Heartbroken…

A few of you asked me to write a Part II on my previous post “De-cep-tion” because it left you wanting more.  One reader even commented, “It needed a spin-off”.  I hear you, and promise to revisit that topic on a later day.

However, I chose today’s topic “Heartbroken” because that’s what kept ringing in my mind in the wee hours of the morning.

Heartbroken:  Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.

I just want to start off by saying that heartbreak doesn’t always come from someone cheating on you, even though quite a few of us have experienced this.  We could have an endless conversation about this topic and the pain we endured, and the distrust of everyone as a result.  Some of you have healed and have been able to pick up the pieces of your life; however, there are those who are still struggling with this because they are “stuck” and have been unable to move on with their lives.  Today, I want you to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  Your very life depends on it.

Perhaps, your initial heartbreak was a result of your first real “crush” when you were a youngster.  You secretly carried a “torch” for one of your classmates.  One day, you “finally” got the nerve to say something to them, only to discover they didn’t share your feelings.  Ouch!  You walked away with your head held high trying to put on a brave front, but on the inside you were heartbroken.

Maybe, you were in a relationship with someone and everything “seemingly” was Sad Love Quotes that Make You Crygoing well when out of nowhere, your relationship began to crumble bit by bit until there was nothing left (someone told me this could be because they sent the representative instead of allowing you to see the real them, particularly if the relationship is fairly new).  You didn’t see it coming; therefore, you didn’t have time to prepare your “heart” for the “break” it was experiencing.  Thus, the relationship left you with a broken heart.  You’re left wondering  if the relationship was ever real or had it merely been an “illusion”.
Pink Calligraphy QuotePerhaps, you’re in the group of people who married the absolute love of your life.  You were blissfully in love and thought it was reciprocated and, perhaps, it was in the beginning.  Now, that things have changed, the only thing you’re left with is hurt and unanswered questions

For some, “you realized” that you and your spouse wereImage result for red heart with band aid drifting apart, and, you tried your best to “fix” your issues, but to no avail.  Then, you put a Band-Aid on your “boo boo” by walking around in denial; however, that only made things worse.  You tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t work either.  In the end, you two went your separate ways and your relationship ultimately “ended” in divorce.  While you may be happy that the journey ended, it took a minute for you to “process” your feelings.  Some of you may feel like a failure.  Some of you may be embarrassed because you’re concerned about what people think.  Some of you may over think your situation by wondering a million and one times where “you” went wrong.  Oftentimes, we, as women, tend to “beat” ourselves up.  We analyze every bit of the relationship.  We remember all of the arguments.  We remember all of the pain.  We may even say to ourselves, “If only I had done…”, maybe things would have been different.  For those whose relationship ended because of a cheating spouse, you ask yourself these questions, “What’s wrong with me?  Wasn’t I good enough for him?  Why would he seek love elsewhere?  Why couldn’t he tell me he wasn’t happy?”  You thought you’d grow old together; however, you realize that’s  never going to happen.  You two stood before friends and family and declared your love for one another while you promised “til death do us part”.  Well…  Honey, just let me say this, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, so stop blaming yourself.  Some people can just never be satisfied with one person.  They have a need to be in a relationship with multiple people for various reasons that’s far beyond my scope of understanding.  We could come up with many speculations, but in the end does it really matter.  You can’t make a person love you nor can you make them stay.  

Some people, when heartbroken, never love again (which, in my opinion, is such a tragedy) because they feel they can’t endure another heartbreak.  Then, there are those who go on to have other relationships, but are suspicious of every single thing; if their partner does anything out of the norm, they immediately freak out.  It’s not intentional and they try to “turn that feature off”, but aren’t always able to — at least not right away.  There are many times they have to talk themselves down, and take a deep breath as they realize this is not the person who broke their heart.  Unfortunately, sometimes, they destroy a perfectly good relationship by “looking” for things that don’t exist except for “in their minds”.

Below, I’ve listed some quotes that I thought were pretty interesting and on point:

Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. – Anonymous

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. – Anonymous

The hottest love has the coldest end. – Socrates

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. – Anonymous

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. – Anonymous

If you found this topic of interest, then tune in for Part II.

You’re not alone in your thoughts or feelings.  Others have experienced this before you and may be going through a similar situation currently.  Even though it doesn’t feel like it today, this too shall pass.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

For my male readers who can identify, as well — #YouGotItGoinOn

This translates into, #WeAllGotItGoinOn

 

Love ya,

Grace

This png image - Large Red Heart Clipart, is available for free download

 

De-cep-tion

Deception:  The action of deceiving someone.  Deceit, duplicity, double-dealing, fraud, trickery.

Usually, I have a running list of topics, and there have been times when I’ve asked friends if they had a topic of interest, but for this week’s post I decided to do something a little differently.  I interviewed several men and women on what their thoughts were concerning “deception”, and boy, oh boy were the men on it.  They had so much to say.  In fact, I couldn’t write down their responses quick enough because they were firing them off one after another.  LOL!

As I thought about “deception”, the song entitled, “Smiling Faces Sometimes” by The Undisputed Truth, popped into my head.  I’ve separated the women’s and men’s responses, and find all of the answers quite fascinating.

WOMEN’S RESPONSES:

  • DistrustSelf Deception
  • Dishonesty
  • Villanous like behavior
  • Cheating
  • Anything that began with the letters “DE” was bad
  • Lies – period
  • Eye opening experience from which a lesson is learned
  • It’s real, so don’t be afraid of it
  • Don’t crumble under the hand of deception because you will be triumphant and stronger in the end
  • The person who deceived you, will watch you as you make a comeback
  • Misrepresentation of yourself
  • Making your partner jealous by having them believe you’re out with someone because you’ve gone off the radar (all because you want attention from them or are trying to keep them under subjection)

One woman commented that she’s dealt with deception in both her professional and personal life.  If she knows that she’s been fed a “bunch” of lies, she watches and pays close attention to the changes in body language (which is difficult to hide), and listens to the words coming out of people’s mouths.  Once she has the facts of the deception, she lets them know and there is absolutely no place for “wiggle” room.

MEN’S RESPONSES:

  • When a woman knows that she is in a relationship and is asked if she is, and she responds “no”.  When asked if she has children, her response may be none or one although she has multiple children.  She fears the man may not want her or she’s going to lose out – deception.
  • Betrayal
  • You can lie to the end of the world, but you can’t lie your way back; the truth will always come out when you are being deceptive
  • Lying on job applications or resumes and not being able to perform once you get the job
  • One man said that he wanted to be honest that men were far more deceptive than women (I had to give him kudos for his honesty); they will do whatever it takes to get the woman they want
  • Portraying yourself to be one thing but the complete opposite
  • Being let down as a result of being deceived
  • Finding yourself deep into the relationship only to find out that you and your partner aren’t on the same page because they “pretended” to be someone they were not
  • Having a separate agenda (your partner only wanting you for what they can get  after promises of building a future together)
  • Break or breach of trust

One of my male interviewees said that, as a man, you feel foolish, stupid and used when you discover that you were deceived.  He further went on to say that guys don’t have an outlet as women do.  He stated that women have each other’s shoulders to cry on but men can’t express their sense of loss; therefore, they drink or hang out at the bar to deal with their problems; men feel loss too.  He also felt that when there is a bad break up, one way in which some women are deceptive is that they use the child or children as a pawn (i.e., I’m not letting you see the kids) because the women know that will make you even more miserable.

He also went on to say that he feels most of the time society holds the man responsible by blaming them and asking the question, “What did you do”?  He said that sometimes women keep silent instead of speaking up in the man’s defense by simply stating that it wasn’t anything that he necessarily did wrong.  He said there are good guys who do the right thing and for, whatever reason the relationship goes south, they still get blamed for it.  He said that men get a bad wrap because when they leave, it is perceived that they’ve abandoned their families, including the children.

He shared that a man cries after a break up, but can’t share that because they are told to man up.  He said that men get angry and depressed too when a relationship ends.  He said there ought to be support groups for men, and friends should understand and allow them discuss their feelings and emotions.  Men have been taught to internalize things even when they shouldn’t have to.  He then got more personal by saying that when a past relationship ended, he walked away from a really nice house, even though his friends told him they wouldn’t have done that.  He said he needed a peace of mind and that was the only way it was going to happen for him.  He went on to say that he would be driving in his car with the radio on, and certain songs would trigger tearful emotions because it made him think about the relationship that ended.  He said that after being deceived, it is a journey to get back to yourself.  He was so “messed” up after this relationship that he wasn’t interested in being with any woman.  He said he would see a woman and think she was pretty, and then back off because he felt she would be a headache and he wasn’t going to take that chance; he was still hurting and couldn’t trust” that this wouldn’t happen to him again.  However, one day he took a chance because he merely wanted companionship — someone to hang out with.  He’s glad he came out of his shell because what he discovered was the person he chose to hang out with had the same experience that he had, and they were able to work through their pain together.  She could finish his thoughts because she knew exactly how he felt.

Another one of the men commented that “Yes, men lie, cheat and steal, but women are more deceptive because they don’t get caught”.  He also stated that he has only caught his partner in a couple of lies.  My response to that was, “It’s probably because she’s actually not doing anything”.  He agreed, with a laugh.  Well, I’ll let some women weigh in on that topic at another time.  LOL!  

When women suspect their man is being deceptive, they go on a “witch hunt”, and become their own private detectives; they  will stop at nothing until they’ve uncovered the absolute truth (that is, until they grow up and realize this is not how they want to live their lives).

Self Deception, Cortney WarrenIf you are deceiving family, friends, etc., just know that it’s not cool.  People have trusted you, and you’ve betrayed them, and FOR WHAT – to make yourself feel good, to play games, to exact revenge?  Whatever your reason, please stop hurting people.  Some people even deceive themselves because they eventually believe all the lies they’ve been spewing out of their mouths or the lies they keep in their heads.  STOP!  You owe it to yourself to be honest as well.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and know that one person is not going to do it for you, be completely honest with your partner.  It’s a possibility you may lose them but it’s not fair that you take away their right to decide whether this is something they want to contend with.  On the other hand, some people may go along with it because they don’t want to be in a committed relationship. One thing for I know for sure, deception kills a relationship quick, fast, and in a hurry.  

Both men and women agree that DECEPTION HURTS!  Let’s try to do better.  Let’s “practice” honesty and loyalty.  Children stop deceiving your parents; parents stop deceiving your children.  Husbands stop deceiving your wives; wives stop deceiving your husbands.  Boyfriends stop deceiving your girlfriends; girlfriends stop deceiving your boyfriends.  Friends stop deceiving friends.  Okay, you get the point!

Always be fair.

Always be honest.

Before acting on an impulse or a whim, put yourself in someone else’s place — how would you feel.

#WeGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

 

The Scary “C” Word…

The scary “C” word — cancer.  Sadly, I’m sure most of us knows someone who has had, who currently has or whom has passed from cancer.  Unfortunately, it seems that’s all we hear about these days.  We’re told that we shouldn’t eat this or that or the other or we shouldn’t drink that, and a lot of these are things that we are accustomed to having in our regular daily diets.  Some people are willing to remove those things from their diets because they are able to exercise discipline while there are others who will still consume them, ever so cautiously (meaning in moderation).

This month is observed for Colon Cancer Awareness, but I’m not writing about that specifically; however, because I don’t know anyone who has had it.  Ovarian cancer (maternal grandmother) and breast cancer (best friend) claimed the lives of two people who I loved.

My grandmother, Lou Lou, as we called her, passed from ovarian cancer in the mid Image result for ovarian cancer1980’s.  She really didn’t want anyone outside of the family to know what her condition was.  In fact, she didn’t really want many people in the family to know because she was a very private person.  She went through chemotherapy and all the horrors that were associated with it, including hair loss (although when it grew back, she had the most beautiful head of hair that I had ever seen).  She bounced back, but the deadly disease resurfaced and, ultimately, she passed away.  Regrettably, I wished I had spent more time with her during the last moments of her life, but I didn’t.  Sometimes, my sister and I laugh now at how she used to always ask us a million and one questions, but I find myself doing the same thing, LOL!  I recall once when she called the house to talk to my mother and I answered the phone.  I was getting ready to go out, and I knew she would bombard me with all of her questions, so I immediately said, “Let me get mom”.  Lou Lou was a great woman and to us, she was taken away “far too soon”.  My mother (her daughter) talks often about how she misses her and the things they did together, which included talking on the phone two, three and sometimes four times a day.  Some time before she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she had a vaginal hysterectomy because she opted not to have a total hysterectomy wherein the ovaries would have been removed as well.  Had the ovaries been removed would she have lived a lot longer — who’s to say.  We don’t always know what choice or choices we should make concerning our lives.

Image result for breast cancerI had a best friend (whom I called my second mom) that died from breast cancer a number of years ago.  I remember the conversation we had just like it was yesterday.  She had gone to get the results of her biopsy, and called me when she got home.  She said, “Well, fella (she called everybody this whether you were male or female, LOL), I have breast cancer“.  She said it so calmly as if she were talking about the weather.  I immediately spazed out.  I was not looking for that diagnosis.  This was my best friend.  How could this be possible?  She then said, “Don’t worry.  I’ll be fine”.

While she went through chemotherapy, she never once complained.  She often volunteered at her youngest daughter’s school and even went on class trips until she was unable to.  I would tell her that she needed to rest, and to take care of herself but each and every week, she would push to stay active, so that she could be a part of her children’s lives — no matter how she was feeling.

Next, she had her bout of radiation therapy.  Everything “appeared” to be fine.  She had a PET scan prior to this and there was a “spot” that showed up on her liver which they were hoping the chemotherapy would eradicate.

One day, she noticed that her abdomen was bloated and her eyes were jaundiced.  She scheduled an appointment with her physician, and was given the “bad” news.  The cancer had come back; she was no longer in remission.

Can I say that we were all devastated?  We had prayed, and she had done everything she was instructed to do.  Why was this happening to someone who was so loving and giving?  Why did it seem that “bad” things always happen to “good” people.

Every time I visited with her, she would tell me to fix my face and to stop looking worried, but I couldn’t help it.  I loved this woman, and didn’t know how things were going to play out.  I knew that God could perform a miracle because nothing was too hard for him.  The question was, “Would He”?

When she was placed back in the hospital, her family and closest friends were there. She told each of us how she felt about us.  Even though we were still praying for a miracle, I think she knew the end was near.

Ultimately, her doctor, with tears in his eyes, told her that nothing further could be done.  She was given oral chemotherapy pills to take that could have slowed down the process, but she didn’t take them as prescribed.

Then, came the dreadful day that she was placed on hospice care.  I kept thinking that she was going to return home.  I wanted to hear that more than anything in the world at that moment.

I was at work when I got the phone call from one of my friends, that she was bleeding from her nose and mouth and for me to get there right away.  I raced to my boss and told her that I needed to go.  Unfortunately, by the time I arrived, it was too late; she was gone.  I didn’t get a chance to say my final goodbyes.  I often wonder if I would have been able to handle it — seeing her take her last breath.

I think about her often and reminisce about the good times that we had.  I could call her about anything and we would laugh at things that no one else would understand.      I will forever miss her but she left an indelible mark on my heart.

One day, I got another scare.  Someone else that I was extremely close to had breast cancer.  I cried as I Image result for image of prostate cancerthought about the possibility of losing another person to that “dreadful” disease.  I said, “Lord, please don’t take anyone else away from me.  I can’t deal with another loss”.  I’m totally grateful that she is alive and well today.  Although the cancer was only found in one breast, she opted to undergo a double mastectomy to prevent the disease from spreading to the other breast and also because there’s a history of breast cancer in her family.  Also, I know someone who was diagnosed with prostate cancer; he was able to receive radioactive seed implantation, and his cancer has remained in remission.

Breast cancer is not just a “woman” thing as most of society assumes it is.  Someone else that I know husband was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year or so ago.  She had to help him get through his chemotherapy and radiation while she underwent her own health issues.

I’m sure most people are scared out of their minds when they are told they have some form of cancer.  The good news is that there are so many treatment options available today, and so many tests that can be done to determine which type of chemotherapy would work best for the type of cancer you may have.

Women, we need to stay on top of our mammograms; I know it’s not fun to have this done, but it’s essential.  It has now been suggested that women get their first baseline mammogram at age 45, but they can choose to have their first one at age 40, according to the American Cancer Society.  Men and women should have their first baseline screening colonoscopy at age 50 with a followup every ten years unless polyps are discovered during your procedure (your doctor will discuss this with you).  Men, you should have your initial prostate screening beginning at age 40 (American Cancer Society).

Always remember that, #WeGotItGoinOn, so let’s take care of ourselves and encourage our friends and loved ones to do the same.

 

Love ya,

Grace

Help, I’m Struggling to Make it Through the Change in Seasons…

This was one of those weeks when I was absolutely “stuck”. After going through my many topics several times, nothing moved me. I reached out to one of my friends and this was the suggested topic.

Many people are “plagued” by depression with the change of the seasons (winter, spring, summer, fall), and no it’s not all in their heads.  Studies have proven, otherwise.  Below, I have listed some of the things one might experience during this time.

Some people suffer from what is known as “Seasonal Affective Disorder” which is depression that ranges from mild to debilitating and can last for months.  The good news is that it can be treated with medication, outdoor activities and/or light therapy. 

Some people have “Reactions to Daylight Savings Time”.  When we “fall back”, even though we get an extra hours worth of sleep, the day is darker longer which can affect both “physical and mental health”.  Since more of the day is spent in darkness, some people miss out on their essential vitamin D intake, which can also lead to depression.  People feel more out of it in the winter months because they don’t want to go out into the cold, so they sit home, perhaps, watching more TV, not exercising, and eating more — all of this affects your well-being.  Some people are also bothered when we “spring forward” because it’s darker in the morning, so they don’t want to get up at their normal time to get moving.  They lie in bed until the last possible minute and, even then, drag themselves around all day.  This can go on for several days or more as they make the adjustment.  

I know someone who used to “cycle” every year a few days before Thanksgiving, and would be admitted into one of their local area hospitals for mental health.  They couldn’t keep it together no matter what they tried.  Once admitted, their psychiatrist (please don’t be afraid of this word) adjusted the medications they were taking to cover this time period, and tweaked it as necessary during their admission.  Once released, they were fine because the period of “cycling” was over.

If you are struggling when the seasons change, don’t suffer in silence.  People will notice a change in your mood, and may walk away thinking they’ve done something to offend you.  Those that love you want to get in the “fight” with you so that you can overcome.  Let them “carry” you through by listening, checking in on you, getting you up and about, praying for you — whatever it is that you need during your time  your depression.  Don’t be embarrassed because they want to be a part of your support system.  Always remember that people can’t help you if they don’t know.

I know what it’s like to be depressed.  I lived through that every single day of my life for years — alone.  My depression wasn’t just seasonal; I couldn’t escape it.  I woke up with it, but was able to maneuver through my day because I pretended that life was great.  However, as soon as I left work, I picked it up on the way out the door.  I didn’t want anyone to know just how “bummed” out I was about life in general, and how much I absolutely “despised” myself, so I didn’t share it with anyone.  People just didn’t talk about that.  Although looking back in retrospect, I wished I had the courage to tell my closest friends and family members, so that they could have “rallied” around me, “encouraged” me, and “supported” me.  Instead, I lived in a “dark hole” that I couldn’t see my way out of — alone.

“Seasonal Affective Disorder” and “Reactions to Daylight Savings Time” (depression) doesn’t just affect women, but men as well.  So, to all of my male followers, it’s okay.  Don’t be afraid to talk to your partners and/or your family members.  They won’t love you any less nor will they view you any differently.  In fact, you’ll find it to be the complete opposite.  These are the people who will have your back, and “support” you to the hilt.  Some of you guys may have been “taught” that “real” men don’t “share” these sorts of things (because it’s not manly) nor do men have these types of “struggles”.  That is a bunch of crock and totally false.  Because of this foolishness, we have men who can never be “healed” or “delivered”.  Fellas, you are human and will go through many things in life just as we women folk do.  Don’t let anyone “force” you to stay in the “dark” because of what they believe.  Get the help you need, so that you can “live” and “lead” a successful life. 

#We’veAllGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

Life can be a struggle as we are thrown unexpected curve balls.  Whatever you do, don’t let your challenges overtake you; never, ever succumb to them.  Walk in victory and not defeat!

What’s the Point?

One day, you meet someone who you are immediately drawn to.  You know you shouldn’t askImage result for image of pencil point for their number because you’re currently in a relationship but you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know this person as your curiosity has gotten the best of you.  It’s just “something” about them  that has caught your attention, even though it was a brief encounter.  In your heart of hearts, you know it’s not the right thing to do, particularly, if you’re married, but you do it anyway.  You convince yourself that it’s okay.  After all, you’re not committing a crime by asking for a phone number.  You say to yourself ,”What’s the harm in that”?

.Maybe your situation is that, you’re attracted to someone you work with.  You see this same person day in and day out.  You like the way he or she dresses.  You like their smell.  You two share a lot of the same interests.  You also communicate with this person comfortably.  Before you realize what has happened, you develop feelings for them, which is easy to do, since you spend most of your waking hours on your job.  As the song goes “Oops, there it is”.  You’ve now messed up.  You have created a love triangle which was the last thing in the world you planned to do.  You have a great person at home whom you love dearly, but there is just something about this other person that you can’t seem to shake.  Eventually, you start “sneaking” around with them and the sordid “affair” begins.  The person knows you’re married, and you tell them that you absolutely have no intention on leaving your current relationship for them, and they’re down with it — that is, until their feelings become involved.  Now, it becomes “complicated”.

Cheater:  A person who acts dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.

Now, that you’re doing your thing by pursing an outside interest, think of all of the energy you are expending in pursuing that person which could be used to repair your “broken” relationship.  You tear your partner down to ease your “guilty” conscience and drag their names through the mud by accusing them outwardly of things you know they’re not doing.  Will there always be someone who looks better, be more intelligent, be a sharper dresser, etc. then the person you’re with?  Absolutely.  However, that doesn’t give you the right to take a detour and cross the line.

The day finally comes along when you totally get busted because your partner unexpectedly found out about your “philandering” ways.  Yeah...I have something to tell you...*awkward laugh* Love Triangle Quotes, Triangle Love, Men Quotes, True Quotes, Truth Of Life, Falling For You Quotes, Falling In Love, Quotes To Live By, Sad LoveThis was the day you’d hope would never come.  Well, now, all heck breaks loose.  You have hurt the last person in the world that you really wanted to cause harm.  You apologize and tell them that it meant nothing.  You tell them that you just got caught up in the moment.  You watch your partner crumble from the hurt and the pain that you alone are responsible for.  Now, you feel like a heel.  No amount of apologizing can turn back the hands of time.  What’s done in the dark will come to light every single time.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and things aren’t going well, before deciding to check out whether or not the grass is greener on the other side, how about talking to your partner first about the things that make you unhappy.  Perhaps, you’d like to be able to communicate more or split up the housework more evenly or spend more time together, etc.  I think they’d rather know you aren’t feeling the relationship than have you break their heart.   Also, you can’t expect things to get better if your partner is unaware that you’re not happy in the first place, and let’s face it, it’s totally unfair for you to assume they can read your mind.  Once you two sit down and decide on what course of action to take, remember that things won’t necessarily change immediately, so don’t expect an overnight sensation; give your partner a chance as you two work together to make things better.  Remember, it took a while for things to derail.

When you’re cheating, you have no idea how much pain or the sometimes irreversible damage you’ve caused or the fragility of your partners mind.  A long time ago, someone shared a real life story with me about a person they knew who had been cheated on.  A woman that they knew was engaged to marry and was excited, as we women usually are, when we are asked, “Will you marry me”.  However, what she didn’t know was that he had also asked someone else to marry him as well.  As it turned out, he married the other woman.  She was completely devastated and pretty much lost it, and had to take medication for the remainder of her life because her mind was blown.  Was that fair?  Not at all!  She didn’t deserve that.  The “ex” was able to go on and live a happy life with his bride while this poor woman was never the same.  Wouldn’t it have been much simpler for him to tell her that it was over rather than completely destroying her by deceit?

When I was in my early 20’s this married guy tried hitting on me by “dogging” his wife.  My response was, “If your relationship is that bad, why are you still there”?  Guess what?  He walked away and I never had that issue from him again.  I respected myself enough and this guy’s wife enough to not get caught up in his foolishness, even though he obviously didn’t respect the vows that he took.

No matter how “slick” or “sneaky” you think you are, eventually you do get caught.  Before crossing the line, ask yourself “Is it really worth it?  What’s the point”?

Cheating hurts!  It doesn’t feel good to be cheated on.  It’s never cool and it’s never okay.

If you’re being cheated on or have been cheated on in the past, I understand the hurt and pain you are experiencing today; however, trust me, it won’t last forever.  You have to find a way to let go of the pain and part of your healing process is by forgiving (easier said than done, I know).  You have to move on.   You will need a good support system to surround yourself with.  You may need a therapist.  You will definitely need to pray your way through the agony.  In the end, you will get through this!

Work on your current relationship.

If your relationship is unsalvageable, move on before starting another one.

No one deserves to get hurt or mixed up in your love triangle.

It’s not just about you; people have feelings.

close up of tree against sky

No matter what you’re experiencing today, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace