When A Man Loves a Woman…

When a man loves a woman…Wow!  It’s beautiful to be in a relationship with someone you love; however, it’s even more special when the person loves you in return.

Let’s face it, some relationships are one-sided.  Sad, but true.  Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt, and you literally got so little or nothing from them?  You let the world know that this person was the absolute light of your life and, if you could, you would have screamed from the highest mountain – I LOVE YOU!  Then, one day you notice, that it is not being reciprocated.  You seem to be the only one gushing in the relationship.  You seem to be the only way spewing out the “I LOVE YOU’S”.  You ask your partner about it, and the response is “You know I love you.  I don’t have to say it.  You know I’m not mushy like that.”  You let it go for a period of time, but it never changes.  You never hear those three words that you have been dying to hear.  Granted, some men are not lovey-dovey because some of them are not emotional beings.  Some men don’t display affection the way we do.  Some men don’t know how to show affection because a lot of men have been taught that real men don’t show emotions.  Really?  Puppy cock!  It’s nothing more endearing to a woman than to have her man just let his emotions rip.  Believe me when I say that it doesn’t take anything away from his manhood.

You broach the subject again, and again, but always get the same response.  You start scratching your head in wonderment, and start to think, “Does this guy really love me or is he stringing me along because it’s comfortable”?  You start to do various things to get his attention to test the theory.  You make yourself more attractive, more sexy, more noticeable and the response is still the same.  You find yourself getting a little frustrated and, perhaps, depressed because you are unsure of the certainty of your relationship.  Your guy seems comfortable in the day-to-day, and doesn’t really see what all the fuss is about.  Now, let me say this, people have various ways of showing love.  Is he a good communicator?  Does he like to spend time with you without you having to nag him?  Is he a good listener?  Does he help out around the house?  Is he a good provider?  Is he a good leader?  If you’ve answered yes, then this could be his love language.

Now, if you’re with someone who doesn’t want to take the relationship further, i.e. making a commitment after you’ve been dating for a 100 years, then, “Houston, you’ve got a problem” — that is, unless you don’t mind “dating”.  However, for those of you who want more, you’ve discussed taking your relationship to the next level, but he flat-out refuses to discuss it.   Now, before you kick him to the curb, talk to him.  Please don’t message me saying that I told you to drop him, because I’m not saying that by any stretch of the imagination.  Nor, do I want you man hunting me down telling me to mind my own business.  LOL!  However, in the end, you have to do what’s best for you.  In talking to him, perhaps, you’ll find out that he’s been hurt deeply and is scared to make a commitment or, perhaps, he feels like he doesn’t have all of the tools necessary to make a real commitment.  Remember, communication is key in any solid relationship.

After months of talking, your guy is still “bothered” by your “harassing him”, you need to ask yourself this question “Is this what I want?”  Sometimes, the handwriting is on the wall, but we refuse to see it because we are blinded by love or we are lonely or even desperate to have a relationship with just anyone.  Somebody asked me this question once – “Why do we stay?”  That’s actually a very good question.  We stay because:  we love them and hope they love us in return; we think we can change them; we want companionship; we’re getting older and don’t want to be by ourselves; everyone else is in a relationship; we settle.  The list could go on and on.

If you’re in a happy, healthy relationship, your man should be:

• Loving
• Kind
• Compassionate
• Helpful
• Respectful
• Listening

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it could look a lot like this:

• Lying
• Cheating
• Disrespectfulness
• Disloyalty

Women, we want to know that our man has our back, and can hold it down.  We shouldn’t be struggling to know how he feels about us, nor should we be wearing the pants and the skirt in the relationship.  If your man isn’t working (unless he’s disabled or was laid off or was fired for a legitimate reason) or isn’t taking care of his responsibilities outside of your relationship or have a lot of baby mama drama or is immature and/or irresponsible, maybe, just maybe, he’s really not ready for a “real” relationship.

You are a successful, beautiful woman.  You don’t have to settle just to have a “man”.  He needs to be bringing something to the table and not just…  If he isn’t, he needs to be honest with himself and with you.  He needs to be mature enough to let you go.  He shouldn’t allow his selfishness to hold you back.  The flip side of that is that we, as women, can’t expect the men to bring everything and we come empty-handed.  A relationship should be balanced out.

And another thing, ladies, when the man of your dreams walks into your life, don’t run him off by letting your past hurts get in the way.  He’s not the man who hurt you, okay!  However, you should tread lightly.  Get to know him.  Ask all the pertinent questions and don’t be afraid.  After all, this is your life that you’re talking about.  What does the relationship look like after the honeymoon phase is over?  I can’t stress how important communication is.  At some point, my dear, if you think this is a good catch, you have to lower that wall.  Honey, if you don’t, he’s going to move on and be a blessing to someone who will appreciate him.

While waiting for your prince charming, do some self-evaluation.  Figure out what you want and don’t want.  Remember, you don’t have to settle just to be in a relationship.  If you haven’t already done so, practice self-love — love yourself.  You have so much to offer the world!

Someone might ask, “What’s love got to do with it?” GURL, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!

You are so worth it!

Be yourself!

Don’t settle!

Set expectations!

Again, don’t settle!

Remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊