I chose this particular song because sometimes as women, we hide behind our insecurities. However, we don’t need to. We need to come out singing and dancing as we are declare our freedom and independence. We should boldly declare to the world that “We are coming out”.
Oftentimes, we hide because we have been made to feel ashamed of or less than who we are. For example, the way we look, the way we live, the way we dress, the car we drive, and yes even “being single”. Have you been around people who constantly ask you, “When are you getting married”? Do they not understand just how insensitive that question can be to some people? You are hurt, but you politely respond by saying, “I don’t know” or “When the right man comes along”.
They have no idea that you struggle with your singleness. You look around and it “seems that everyone is in a “loving” relationship except you. You start to question yourself by asking, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want me? Why can’t I find love”? There is “absolutely” nothing wrong with you. Believe it or not, you are being selective in your choice of men, and you should be. Years ago I read a book regarding being single. One of the things they said was that “If you’re single, it’s by choice”. I was like, “What! What a minute! I want to be in a relationship, but no one has come along”. As I read a little further, the author explained herself. I thought about what the writer was saying. I was single by choice. There were a “few” people who were interested in me, but I wasn’t taking the bait.
Now, for those of you who are still not buying into this. Think about it for a minute. Do you want any old Joe Blow just to say you are in a relationship? Would you like to stand on a street corner holding a signing that says, “I’m single”? Or, would you rather be single and happy. Singleness is not a curse. Let me reiterate that — singleness IS NOT a curse although it feels like it sometimes. I remember when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I was so lonely. I completely hated the single life. After being depressed about life in general and not having a “man friend”, I took the first thing smoking. That would fix my loneliness, right? Not!
We often look at people and their relationships, and sometimes find ourselves a little down and/or teary eyed because we feel like we weren’t “chosen”. However, every picture that you see on social media does not always depict the “real” relationship — some people are just “faking the funk” — meaning, they are just “pretenders”. What you don’t know is that behind closed doors, they are “completely miserable”. It just looks good to the outsider — meaning us.
Now, everyone is not faking it. I believe in true love. I believe in the fairy tale ending. I believe in the Knight in Shining Armor and I believe in Prince Charming. There are true, committed, loving relationships, and are truly happy. There are some good men out there. Contrary to popular believe all men are not “dogs”. Every couple has disagreements, but have “learned” how to deal with and overcome them.
Good relationships aren’t easy and can be quite tricky. The saying is, “Don’t go to bed angry with your partner”. Well, I flunked that one a million times in my past relationship (when I’m ticked, I’m ticked). Communication is key. Well, guess what, I got a zero on that one. Spending time with one another and doing things together helps to build a healthy relationship. Well…my relationship lacked that too.
There is a saying that goes like this, “I can do bad all by myself”, which is so true. Why waste day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year in a relationship that you know is a dead-end just so that you’re “not single”, just so that you can say, “My boo did this or my boo did that” or “Me and my boyfriend did such and such”. Your mouth says these things and you plaster a smile on your face as you say them, but in your heart of hearts, you know the truth — the party is over and has been for quite some time! You just refuse to have the last dance.
Girl, don’t you know that you are so much more than that? Once you learn to “truly” love yourself, it won’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not, even though you have the desire to be with someone. You’re not alone; we all want to be in a relationship (well, most of us do anyway).
You don’t need a man hanging on your arm to validate. Let the world see you smile as you do you, as you enjoy your singleness, as you find happiness within you. Let your light shine bright for the world to see. You don’t have to walk around with your head down to the ground or feel embarrassed because you are single because there is no reason to. Always remember that your happiness lies within you.
There are a ton of things that you can do to pass the time if that’s all you’re looking for. You can take some college classes, take up a hobby, read a good book, write, hang out with your girlfriends, travel. Honey, let me tell you, the list is endless. Make up a bucket list and cross off the items as you enjoy life rather than being depressed and miserable. Stop letting your life pass you by because you haven’t found your “Mr. Right”. Honey, child, he’s out there somewhere and will find you at the designated time. I’m a firm believer of that.
Singleness is not a curse, and when your “guy” finally comes along, you are going to be so glad you waited.
Trust me, your Prince Charming is coming.
I can’t say when.
There is no rush.
You’ll be glad you waited.
Your clock is still ticking.
Enjoy your singleness.
Always, remember that #GurlYouGotItGoinOn
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.