Heartbroken…

A few of you asked me to write a Part II on my previous post “De-cep-tion” because it left you wanting more.  One reader even commented, “It needed a spin-off”.  I hear you, and promise to revisit that topic on a later day.

However, I chose today’s topic “Heartbroken” because that’s what kept ringing in my mind in the wee hours of the morning.

Heartbroken:  Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.

I just want to start off by saying that heartbreak doesn’t always come from someone cheating on you, even though quite a few of us have experienced this.  We could have an endless conversation about this topic and the pain we endured, and the distrust of everyone as a result.  Some of you have healed and have been able to pick up the pieces of your life; however, there are those who are still struggling with this because they are “stuck” and have been unable to move on with their lives.  Today, I want you to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  Your very life depends on it.

Perhaps, your initial heartbreak was a result of your first real “crush” when you were a youngster.  You secretly carried a “torch” for one of your classmates.  One day, you “finally” got the nerve to say something to them, only to discover they didn’t share your feelings.  Ouch!  You walked away with your head held high trying to put on a brave front, but on the inside you were heartbroken.

Maybe, you were in a relationship with someone and everything “seemingly” was Sad Love Quotes that Make You Crygoing well when out of nowhere, your relationship began to crumble bit by bit until there was nothing left (someone told me this could be because they sent the representative instead of allowing you to see the real them, particularly if the relationship is fairly new).  You didn’t see it coming; therefore, you didn’t have time to prepare your “heart” for the “break” it was experiencing.  Thus, the relationship left you with a broken heart.  You’re left wondering  if the relationship was ever real or had it merely been an “illusion”.
Pink Calligraphy QuotePerhaps, you’re in the group of people who married the absolute love of your life.  You were blissfully in love and thought it was reciprocated and, perhaps, it was in the beginning.  Now, that things have changed, the only thing you’re left with is hurt and unanswered questions

For some, “you realized” that you and your spouse wereImage result for red heart with band aid drifting apart, and, you tried your best to “fix” your issues, but to no avail.  Then, you put a Band-Aid on your “boo boo” by walking around in denial; however, that only made things worse.  You tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t work either.  In the end, you two went your separate ways and your relationship ultimately “ended” in divorce.  While you may be happy that the journey ended, it took a minute for you to “process” your feelings.  Some of you may feel like a failure.  Some of you may be embarrassed because you’re concerned about what people think.  Some of you may over think your situation by wondering a million and one times where “you” went wrong.  Oftentimes, we, as women, tend to “beat” ourselves up.  We analyze every bit of the relationship.  We remember all of the arguments.  We remember all of the pain.  We may even say to ourselves, “If only I had done…”, maybe things would have been different.  For those whose relationship ended because of a cheating spouse, you ask yourself these questions, “What’s wrong with me?  Wasn’t I good enough for him?  Why would he seek love elsewhere?  Why couldn’t he tell me he wasn’t happy?”  You thought you’d grow old together; however, you realize that’s  never going to happen.  You two stood before friends and family and declared your love for one another while you promised “til death do us part”.  Well…  Honey, just let me say this, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, so stop blaming yourself.  Some people can just never be satisfied with one person.  They have a need to be in a relationship with multiple people for various reasons that’s far beyond my scope of understanding.  We could come up with many speculations, but in the end does it really matter.  You can’t make a person love you nor can you make them stay.  

Some people, when heartbroken, never love again (which, in my opinion, is such a tragedy) because they feel they can’t endure another heartbreak.  Then, there are those who go on to have other relationships, but are suspicious of every single thing; if their partner does anything out of the norm, they immediately freak out.  It’s not intentional and they try to “turn that feature off”, but aren’t always able to — at least not right away.  There are many times they have to talk themselves down, and take a deep breath as they realize this is not the person who broke their heart.  Unfortunately, sometimes, they destroy a perfectly good relationship by “looking” for things that don’t exist except for “in their minds”.

Below, I’ve listed some quotes that I thought were pretty interesting and on point:

Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. – Anonymous

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. – Anonymous

The hottest love has the coldest end. – Socrates

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. – Anonymous

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. – Anonymous

If you found this topic of interest, then tune in for Part II.

You’re not alone in your thoughts or feelings.  Others have experienced this before you and may be going through a similar situation currently.  Even though it doesn’t feel like it today, this too shall pass.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

For my male readers who can identify, as well — #YouGotItGoinOn

This translates into, #WeAllGotItGoinOn

 

Love ya,

Grace

This png image - Large Red Heart Clipart, is available for free download

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

De-cep-tion

Deception:  The action of deceiving someone.  Deceit, duplicity, double-dealing, fraud, trickery.

Usually, I have a running list of topics, and there have been times when I’ve asked friends if they had a topic of interest, but for this week’s post I decided to do something a little differently.  I interviewed several men and women on what their thoughts were concerning “deception”, and boy, oh boy were the men on it.  They had so much to say.  In fact, I couldn’t write down their responses quick enough because they were firing them off one after another.  LOL!

As I thought about “deception”, the song entitled, “Smiling Faces Sometimes” by The Undisputed Truth, popped into my head.  I’ve separated the women’s and men’s responses, and find all of the answers quite fascinating.

WOMEN’S RESPONSES:

  • DistrustSelf Deception
  • Dishonesty
  • Villanous like behavior
  • Cheating
  • Anything that began with the letters “DE” was bad
  • Lies – period
  • Eye opening experience from which a lesson is learned
  • It’s real, so don’t be afraid of it
  • Don’t crumble under the hand of deception because you will be triumphant and stronger in the end
  • The person who deceived you, will watch you as you make a comeback
  • Misrepresentation of yourself
  • Making your partner jealous by having them believe you’re out with someone because you’ve gone off the radar (all because you want attention from them or are trying to keep them under subjection)

One woman commented that she’s dealt with deception in both her professional and personal life.  If she knows that she’s been fed a “bunch” of lies, she watches and pays close attention to the changes in body language (which is difficult to hide), and listens to the words coming out of people’s mouths.  Once she has the facts of the deception, she lets them know and there is absolutely no place for “wiggle” room.

MEN’S RESPONSES:

  • When a woman knows that she is in a relationship and is asked if she is, and she responds “no”.  When asked if she has children, her response may be none or one although she has multiple children.  She fears the man may not want her or she’s going to lose out – deception.
  • Betrayal
  • You can lie to the end of the world, but you can’t lie your way back; the truth will always come out when you are being deceptive
  • Lying on job applications or resumes and not being able to perform once you get the job
  • One man said that he wanted to be honest that men were far more deceptive than women (I had to give him kudos for his honesty); they will do whatever it takes to get the woman they want
  • Portraying yourself to be one thing but the complete opposite
  • Being let down as a result of being deceived
  • Finding yourself deep into the relationship only to find out that you and your partner aren’t on the same page because they “pretended” to be someone they were not
  • Having a separate agenda (your partner only wanting you for what they can get  after promises of building a future together)
  • Break or breach of trust

One of my male interviewees said that, as a man, you feel foolish, stupid and used when you discover that you were deceived.  He further went on to say that guys don’t have an outlet as women do.  He stated that women have each other’s shoulders to cry on but men can’t express their sense of loss; therefore, they drink or hang out at the bar to deal with their problems; men feel loss too.  He also felt that when there is a bad break up, one way in which some women are deceptive is that they use the child or children as a pawn (i.e., I’m not letting you see the kids) because the women know that will make you even more miserable.

He also went on to say that he feels most of the time society holds the man responsible by blaming them and asking the question, “What did you do”?  He said that sometimes women keep silent instead of speaking up in the man’s defense by simply stating that it wasn’t anything that he necessarily did wrong.  He said there are good guys who do the right thing and for, whatever reason the relationship goes south, they still get blamed for it.  He said that men get a bad wrap because when they leave, it is perceived that they’ve abandoned their families, including the children.

He shared that a man cries after a break up, but can’t share that because they are told to man up.  He said that men get angry and depressed too when a relationship ends.  He said there ought to be support groups for men, and friends should understand and allow them discuss their feelings and emotions.  Men have been taught to internalize things even when they shouldn’t have to.  He then got more personal by saying that when a past relationship ended, he walked away from a really nice house, even though his friends told him they wouldn’t have done that.  He said he needed a peace of mind and that was the only way it was going to happen for him.  He went on to say that he would be driving in his car with the radio on, and certain songs would trigger tearful emotions because it made him think about the relationship that ended.  He said that after being deceived, it is a journey to get back to yourself.  He was so “messed” up after this relationship that he wasn’t interested in being with any woman.  He said he would see a woman and think she was pretty, and then back off because he felt she would be a headache and he wasn’t going to take that chance; he was still hurting and couldn’t trust” that this wouldn’t happen to him again.  However, one day he took a chance because he merely wanted companionship — someone to hang out with.  He’s glad he came out of his shell because what he discovered was the person he chose to hang out with had the same experience that he had, and they were able to work through their pain together.  She could finish his thoughts because she knew exactly how he felt.

Another one of the men commented that “Yes, men lie, cheat and steal, but women are more deceptive because they don’t get caught”.  He also stated that he has only caught his partner in a couple of lies.  My response to that was, “It’s probably because she’s actually not doing anything”.  He agreed, with a laugh.  Well, I’ll let some women weigh in on that topic at another time.  LOL!  

When women suspect their man is being deceptive, they go on a “witch hunt”, and become their own private detectives; they  will stop at nothing until they’ve uncovered the absolute truth (that is, until they grow up and realize this is not how they want to live their lives).

Self Deception, Cortney WarrenIf you are deceiving family, friends, etc., just know that it’s not cool.  People have trusted you, and you’ve betrayed them, and FOR WHAT – to make yourself feel good, to play games, to exact revenge?  Whatever your reason, please stop hurting people.  Some people even deceive themselves because they eventually believe all the lies they’ve been spewing out of their mouths or the lies they keep in their heads.  STOP!  You owe it to yourself to be honest as well.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and know that one person is not going to do it for you, be completely honest with your partner.  It’s a possibility you may lose them but it’s not fair that you take away their right to decide whether this is something they want to contend with.  On the other hand, some people may go along with it because they don’t want to be in a committed relationship. One thing for I know for sure, deception kills a relationship quick, fast, and in a hurry.  

Both men and women agree that DECEPTION HURTS!  Let’s try to do better.  Let’s “practice” honesty and loyalty.  Children stop deceiving your parents; parents stop deceiving your children.  Husbands stop deceiving your wives; wives stop deceiving your husbands.  Boyfriends stop deceiving your girlfriends; girlfriends stop deceiving your boyfriends.  Friends stop deceiving friends.  Okay, you get the point!

Always be fair.

Always be honest.

Before acting on an impulse or a whim, put yourself in someone else’s place — how would you feel.

#WeGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

The Scary “C” Word…

The scary “C” word — cancer.  Sadly, I’m sure most of us knows someone who has had, who currently has or whom has passed from cancer.  Unfortunately, it seems that’s all we hear about these days.  We’re told that we shouldn’t eat this or that or the other or we shouldn’t drink that, and a lot of these are things that we are accustomed to having in our regular daily diets.  Some people are willing to remove those things from their diets because they are able to exercise discipline while there are others who will still consume them, ever so cautiously (meaning in moderation).

This month is observed for Colon Cancer Awareness, but I’m not writing about that specifically; however, because I don’t know anyone who has had it.  Ovarian cancer (maternal grandmother) and breast cancer (best friend) claimed the lives of two people who I loved.

My grandmother, Lou Lou, as we called her, passed from ovarian cancer in the mid Image result for ovarian cancer1980’s.  She really didn’t want anyone outside of the family to know what her condition was.  In fact, she didn’t really want many people in the family to know because she was a very private person.  She went through chemotherapy and all the horrors that were associated with it, including hair loss (although when it grew back, she had the most beautiful head of hair that I had ever seen).  She bounced back, but the deadly disease resurfaced and, ultimately, she passed away.  Regrettably, I wished I had spent more time with her during the last moments of her life, but I didn’t.  Sometimes, my sister and I laugh now at how she used to always ask us a million and one questions, but I find myself doing the same thing, LOL!  I recall once when she called the house to talk to my mother and I answered the phone.  I was getting ready to go out, and I knew she would bombard me with all of her questions, so I immediately said, “Let me get mom”.  Lou Lou was a great woman and to us, she was taken away “far too soon”.  My mother (her daughter) talks often about how she misses her and the things they did together, which included talking on the phone two, three and sometimes four times a day.  Some time before she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she had a vaginal hysterectomy because she opted not to have a total hysterectomy wherein the ovaries would have been removed as well.  Had the ovaries been removed would she have lived a lot longer — who’s to say.  We don’t always know what choice or choices we should make concerning our lives.

Image result for breast cancerI had a best friend (whom I called my second mom) that died from breast cancer a number of years ago.  I remember the conversation we had just like it was yesterday.  She had gone to get the results of her biopsy, and called me when she got home.  She said, “Well, fella (she called everybody this whether you were male or female, LOL), I have breast cancer“.  She said it so calmly as if she were talking about the weather.  I immediately spazed out.  I was not looking for that diagnosis.  This was my best friend.  How could this be possible?  She then said, “Don’t worry.  I’ll be fine”.

While she went through chemotherapy, she never once complained.  She often volunteered at her youngest daughter’s school and even went on class trips until she was unable to.  I would tell her that she needed to rest, and to take care of herself but each and every week, she would push to stay active, so that she could be a part of her children’s lives — no matter how she was feeling.

Next, she had her bout of radiation therapy.  Everything “appeared” to be fine.  She had a PET scan prior to this and there was a “spot” that showed up on her liver which they were hoping the chemotherapy would eradicate.

One day, she noticed that her abdomen was bloated and her eyes were jaundiced.  She scheduled an appointment with her physician, and was given the “bad” news.  The cancer had come back; she was no longer in remission.

Can I say that we were all devastated?  We had prayed, and she had done everything she was instructed to do.  Why was this happening to someone who was so loving and giving?  Why did it seem that “bad” things always happen to “good” people.

Every time I visited with her, she would tell me to fix my face and to stop looking worried, but I couldn’t help it.  I loved this woman, and didn’t know how things were going to play out.  I knew that God could perform a miracle because nothing was too hard for him.  The question was, “Would He”?

When she was placed back in the hospital, her family and closest friends were there. She told each of us how she felt about us.  Even though we were still praying for a miracle, I think she knew the end was near.

Ultimately, her doctor, with tears in his eyes, told her that nothing further could be done.  She was given oral chemotherapy pills to take that could have slowed down the process, but she didn’t take them as prescribed.

Then, came the dreadful day that she was placed on hospice care.  I kept thinking that she was going to return home.  I wanted to hear that more than anything in the world at that moment.

I was at work when I got the phone call from one of my friends, that she was bleeding from her nose and mouth and for me to get there right away.  I raced to my boss and told her that I needed to go.  Unfortunately, by the time I arrived, it was too late; she was gone.  I didn’t get a chance to say my final goodbyes.  I often wonder if I would have been able to handle it — seeing her take her last breath.

I think about her often and reminisce about the good times that we had.  I could call her about anything and we would laugh at things that no one else would understand.      I will forever miss her but she left an indelible mark on my heart.

One day, I got another scare.  Someone else that I was extremely close to had breast cancer.  I cried as I Image result for image of prostate cancerthought about the possibility of losing another person to that “dreadful” disease.  I said, “Lord, please don’t take anyone else away from me.  I can’t deal with another loss”.  I’m totally grateful that she is alive and well today.  Although the cancer was only found in one breast, she opted to undergo a double mastectomy to prevent the disease from spreading to the other breast and also because there’s a history of breast cancer in her family.  Also, I know someone who was diagnosed with prostate cancer; he was able to receive radioactive seed implantation, and his cancer has remained in remission.

Breast cancer is not just a “woman” thing as most of society assumes it is.  Someone else that I know husband was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year or so ago.  She had to help him get through his chemotherapy and radiation while she underwent her own health issues.

I’m sure most people are scared out of their minds when they are told they have some form of cancer.  The good news is that there are so many treatment options available today, and so many tests that can be done to determine which type of chemotherapy would work best for the type of cancer you may have.

Women, we need to stay on top of our mammograms; I know it’s not fun to have this done, but it’s essential.  It has now been suggested that women get their first baseline mammogram at age 45, but they can choose to have their first one at age 40, according to the American Cancer Society.  Men and women should have their first baseline screening colonoscopy at age 50 with a followup every ten years unless polyps are discovered during your procedure (your doctor will discuss this with you).  Men, you should have your initial prostate screening beginning at age 40 (American Cancer Society).

Always remember that, #WeGotItGoinOn, so let’s take care of ourselves and encourage our friends and loved ones to do the same.

 

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

Help, I’m Struggling to Make it Through the Change in Seasons…

This was one of those weeks when I was absolutely “stuck”. After going through my many topics several times, nothing moved me. I reached out to one of my friends and this was the suggested topic.

Many people are “plagued” by depression with the change of the seasons (winter, spring, summer, fall), and no it’s not all in their heads.  Studies have proven, otherwise.  Below, I have listed some of the things one might experience during this time.

Some people suffer from what is known as “Seasonal Affective Disorder” which is depression that ranges from mild to debilitating and can last for months.  The good news is that it can be treated with medication, outdoor activities and/or light therapy. 

Some people have “Reactions to Daylight Savings Time”.  When we “fall back”, even though we get an extra hours worth of sleep, the day is darker longer which can affect both “physical and mental health”.  Since more of the day is spent in darkness, some people miss out on their essential vitamin D intake, which can also lead to depression.  People feel more out of it in the winter months because they don’t want to go out into the cold, so they sit home, perhaps, watching more TV, not exercising, and eating more — all of this affects your well-being.  Some people are also bothered when we “spring forward” because it’s darker in the morning, so they don’t want to get up at their normal time to get moving.  They lie in bed until the last possible minute and, even then, drag themselves around all day.  This can go on for several days or more as they make the adjustment.  

I know someone who used to “cycle” every year a few days before Thanksgiving, and would be admitted into one of their local area hospitals for mental health.  They couldn’t keep it together no matter what they tried.  Once admitted, their psychiatrist (please don’t be afraid of this word) adjusted the medications they were taking to cover this time period, and tweaked it as necessary during their admission.  Once released, they were fine because the period of “cycling” was over.

If you are struggling when the seasons change, don’t suffer in silence.  People will notice a change in your mood, and may walk away thinking they’ve done something to offend you.  Those that love you want to get in the “fight” with you so that you can overcome.  Let them “carry” you through by listening, checking in on you, getting you up and about, praying for you — whatever it is that you need during your time  your depression.  Don’t be embarrassed because they want to be a part of your support system.  Always remember that people can’t help you if they don’t know.

I know what it’s like to be depressed.  I lived through that every single day of my life for years — alone.  My depression wasn’t just seasonal; I couldn’t escape it.  I woke up with it, but was able to maneuver through my day because I pretended that life was great.  However, as soon as I left work, I picked it up on the way out the door.  I didn’t want anyone to know just how “bummed” out I was about life in general, and how much I absolutely “despised” myself, so I didn’t share it with anyone.  People just didn’t talk about that.  Although looking back in retrospect, I wished I had the courage to tell my closest friends and family members, so that they could have “rallied” around me, “encouraged” me, and “supported” me.  Instead, I lived in a “dark hole” that I couldn’t see my way out of — alone.

“Seasonal Affective Disorder” and “Reactions to Daylight Savings Time” (depression) doesn’t just affect women, but men as well.  So, to all of my male followers, it’s okay.  Don’t be afraid to talk to your partners and/or your family members.  They won’t love you any less nor will they view you any differently.  In fact, you’ll find it to be the complete opposite.  These are the people who will have your back, and “support” you to the hilt.  Some of you guys may have been “taught” that “real” men don’t “share” these sorts of things (because it’s not manly) nor do men have these types of “struggles”.  That is a bunch of crock and totally false.  Because of this foolishness, we have men who can never be “healed” or “delivered”.  Fellas, you are human and will go through many things in life just as we women folk do.  Don’t let anyone “force” you to stay in the “dark” because of what they believe.  Get the help you need, so that you can “live” and “lead” a successful life. 

#We’veAllGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

Life can be a struggle as we are thrown unexpected curve balls.  Whatever you do, don’t let your challenges overtake you; never, ever succumb to them.  Walk in victory and not defeat!

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

What’s the Point?

One day, you meet someone who you are immediately drawn to.  You know you shouldn’t askImage result for image of pencil point for their number because you’re currently in a relationship but you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know this person as your curiosity has gotten the best of you.  It’s just “something” about them  that has caught your attention, even though it was a brief encounter.  In your heart of hearts, you know it’s not the right thing to do, particularly, if you’re married, but you do it anyway.  You convince yourself that it’s okay.  After all, you’re not committing a crime by asking for a phone number.  You say to yourself ,”What’s the harm in that”?

.Maybe your situation is that, you’re attracted to someone you work with.  You see this same person day in and day out.  You like the way he or she dresses.  You like their smell.  You two share a lot of the same interests.  You also communicate with this person comfortably.  Before you realize what has happened, you develop feelings for them, which is easy to do, since you spend most of your waking hours on your job.  As the song goes “Oops, there it is”.  You’ve now messed up.  You have created a love triangle which was the last thing in the world you planned to do.  You have a great person at home whom you love dearly, but there is just something about this other person that you can’t seem to shake.  Eventually, you start “sneaking” around with them and the sordid “affair” begins.  The person knows you’re married, and you tell them that you absolutely have no intention on leaving your current relationship for them, and they’re down with it — that is, until their feelings become involved.  Now, it becomes “complicated”.

Cheater:  A person who acts dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.

Now, that you’re doing your thing by pursing an outside interest, think of all of the energy you are expending in pursuing that person which could be used to repair your “broken” relationship.  You tear your partner down to ease your “guilty” conscience and drag their names through the mud by accusing them outwardly of things you know they’re not doing.  Will there always be someone who looks better, be more intelligent, be a sharper dresser, etc. then the person you’re with?  Absolutely.  However, that doesn’t give you the right to take a detour and cross the line.

The day finally comes along when you totally get busted because your partner unexpectedly found out about your “philandering” ways.  Yeah...I have something to tell you...*awkward laugh* Love Triangle Quotes, Triangle Love, Men Quotes, True Quotes, Truth Of Life, Falling For You Quotes, Falling In Love, Quotes To Live By, Sad LoveThis was the day you’d hope would never come.  Well, now, all heck breaks loose.  You have hurt the last person in the world that you really wanted to cause harm.  You apologize and tell them that it meant nothing.  You tell them that you just got caught up in the moment.  You watch your partner crumble from the hurt and the pain that you alone are responsible for.  Now, you feel like a heel.  No amount of apologizing can turn back the hands of time.  What’s done in the dark will come to light every single time.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and things aren’t going well, before deciding to check out whether or not the grass is greener on the other side, how about talking to your partner first about the things that make you unhappy.  Perhaps, you’d like to be able to communicate more or split up the housework more evenly or spend more time together, etc.  I think they’d rather know you aren’t feeling the relationship than have you break their heart.   Also, you can’t expect things to get better if your partner is unaware that you’re not happy in the first place, and let’s face it, it’s totally unfair for you to assume they can read your mind.  Once you two sit down and decide on what course of action to take, remember that things won’t necessarily change immediately, so don’t expect an overnight sensation; give your partner a chance as you two work together to make things better.  Remember, it took a while for things to derail.

When you’re cheating, you have no idea how much pain or the sometimes irreversible damage you’ve caused or the fragility of your partners mind.  A long time ago, someone shared a real life story with me about a person they knew who had been cheated on.  A woman that they knew was engaged to marry and was excited, as we women usually are, when we are asked, “Will you marry me”.  However, what she didn’t know was that he had also asked someone else to marry him as well.  As it turned out, he married the other woman.  She was completely devastated and pretty much lost it, and had to take medication for the remainder of her life because her mind was blown.  Was that fair?  Not at all!  She didn’t deserve that.  The “ex” was able to go on and live a happy life with his bride while this poor woman was never the same.  Wouldn’t it have been much simpler for him to tell her that it was over rather than completely destroying her by deceit?

When I was in my early 20’s this married guy tried hitting on me by “dogging” his wife.  My response was, “If your relationship is that bad, why are you still there”?  Guess what?  He walked away and I never had that issue from him again.  I respected myself enough and this guy’s wife enough to not get caught up in his foolishness, even though he obviously didn’t respect the vows that he took.

No matter how “slick” or “sneaky” you think you are, eventually you do get caught.  Before crossing the line, ask yourself “Is it really worth it?  What’s the point”?

Cheating hurts!  It doesn’t feel good to be cheated on.  It’s never cool and it’s never okay.

If you’re being cheated on or have been cheated on in the past, I understand the hurt and pain you are experiencing today; however, trust me, it won’t last forever.  You have to find a way to let go of the pain and part of your healing process is by forgiving (easier said than done, I know).  You have to move on.   You will need a good support system to surround yourself with.  You may need a therapist.  You will definitely need to pray your way through the agony.  In the end, you will get through this!

Work on your current relationship.

If your relationship is unsalvageable, move on before starting another one.

No one deserves to get hurt or mixed up in your love triangle.

It’s not just about you; people have feelings.

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No matter what you’re experiencing today, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

How Do You Make Your Man Feel?

Ladies, have you ever really wondered what men want?  I think most of us would Image result for men don't wantthink that we know.  The question is, “Do we really”?  Have we ever taken the time to ask them or do we “assume”?  When posed with this question, I’m sure the first thing that comes to mind is “intimacy”.  However, men want much more than that.  Actually, they want a lot of the same things that we do.  Hard to believe, right?  I thought so too.  I have a male friend who wanted to be married, and never thought it was going to happen for him.  He is a very nice guy, and was great husband material; however, it seemed he either met all the wrong women or wasn’t meeting any women at all — that is, until the day he met the woman of his dreams that he would later go on to marry.

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Sometimes, men feel that women don’t want “good” guys; they seem to only be attracted to the “bad boys”, who more often than not, will break their hearts (usually these are the younger women; been there done that).  You have men who go to work every single day to pay bills and become established, so that when that “special someone” enters their lives, they’re prepared.  This may require them to work long hours or, perhaps, work a full and part-time job.  Sometimes, women can’t handle this because they feel the men aren’t spending “enough” time with them, and feel left out and/or ignored.  No matter how difficult it is, don’t become disheartened because you haven’t really matured enough to understand his “grind”; let him do his thing.  Some of you may ultimately end the relationship, then wind up with the guy who has no vision, no goals, and is definitely not planning for his future.

If you’re the type of woman who emasculates your man and then expects him to be the leader, your rock, your confident, etc., it’s not going to happen.  You can’t have it both ways — either you want a man or boy, you decide.  In our defense, there are times when we tear down our man’s self-esteem “unintentionally”.  I was talking to a close friend of mine and told him about an incident that occurred in my past relationship.  He listened to what I had to say, and then told me I was wrong.  What?  Wait!  Wrong?  For years, I thought I handled the situation appropriately, but after he broke it down, I clearly saw the “error of my ways”.  He was correct.  I really felt bad.  What an eye opener as I heard it from a man’s point of view.  So, sorry.

Some of us women have strong, dominating personalities and while “real” men love strong women, they don’t want nor do they need a woman who is acting in the role of their mother — meaning telling them every single thing to do as if he doesn’t have a clue.  Also, most guys don’t like control freaks, naggers or women who like to argue about every single thing.  If this is you, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ll eventually lose your “good” man because he’s not going to deal with this no matter how much he is into you.

In today’s society, some women are earning more income than their man.  Because of this some have the attitude, “I don’t really need you” as they “attempt” to wear the pants in the relationship, thereby, making their guy feel less and less a man each and every day, and certainly less special.  This is a recipe for disaster, I don’t care who told you otherwise.  Men want women who know how to be submissive.  Now, before you get all upset and say to yourself, “I’m not going to let any man control me”, listen.  I’m not saying that we should be a doormat.  If you have a “real” man, you should let him take the lead.  It will do wonders for his self-esteem and you’ll feel good knowing you put a smile on “your man’s” face.  You need to keep in mind that your man encounters many negative things on a daily basis; therefore, you should desire to encourage him, uplift him, listen to him, pray for and with him, be a help meet, have his back, etc.  Let him know you are there for him, and just how much he means to you.

 

Some of you have been so hurt from your previous relationship that you can’t enjoy your current one  Image result for what men don't wantbecause you’re too busy waiting for the other shoe to drop.  You’re with a great guy, learn to relax and just breathe.
Lastly, if you Image result for what men want imagehaven’t figured out what makes your man happy and/or tick, ask him; trust me, he’ll be more than a little excited that you did.  Don’t ever be scared to show just how much you care.

 

 

 

Be upfront.

Be honest.

Be supportive.

 

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

 

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

 

 

 

 

Every Man is Not a Woof-Woof…

I love to watch a good love story, and get absolutely absorbed by the role the characters are portraying.  Sometimes, I forget that it’s just a movie and find myself dabbing at my eyes (okay, wiping my eyes and sniffing at the same time, LOL!) — either because it was a happy ending or I wished the ending were happy.  

People will tell you that real love only exists in movies, and that you shouldn’t have your heart set on meeting a nice guy because they simply don’t exist.  I absolutely refuse to believe that.  Yes, we have all heard sad, heartbreaking stories from our female family members and/or friends about how they felt they got the bad end of the stick in their relationship.  Thus, this has made them extremely bitter and skeptical of any and all males.  Men, in their opinion, are  no good; they never have been and never will be.

I know an older gentleman who is 81 years old.  His wife died some time ago, but he still talks about her fondly.  He talks about their “love affair” — meaning the things they did together.  He always tells me that she didn’t take any stuff off him, but he loved it.  He let me know they didn’t have the perfect relationship, but they were perfect for each other.  He talks about the trips they took, and how much he loved having her on his arms.  He said that she was pretty, and was built really nice.  He said when they entered a room, men would notice her.  He could have felt insecure, but he was proud that she was his wife -his woman.  Others could look, but she belonged solely to him.  As he talks, I sometimes get teary-eyed (yes, I’m a softy) as I hear the love in his voice that he had and still has for his wife even though she’s no longer with  him physically.  Now, that’s a real life love story.  

For those of you ladies who feel as though you can’t ever love again or ever trust again because of your past relationship(s), learn to let go.  Yes, you’ve been hurt; I’m sure most of us have.  Sometimes, it’s because we chose the wrong person, and sometimes, it’s because the guy was a total jerk.  Irregardless, don’t judge every guy you meet as no good or assume they have an ulterior motive.  There are some really wonderful men out there if you would just open your heart and mind to receive them.  Sometimes, they might not be in the package that you were looking for.  Maybe you want a tall guy, a muscular built guy, a guy with a full head of hair or hair on his face or whatever your preference, the man standing before you doesn’t look like any of these but he’s really a nice guy.  Will you look over him because of his outer appearance?  Perhaps, he is letting you know that he’s really digging you, and you turn your nose up at him as if you smell something foul.  Well, honey, he’s not going to wait around forever even if he is interested.  One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, and don’t ever forget that.  If you do, you will be by yourself for the rest of your life or end up with someone you really don’t want just to be in a relationship.

Let go of your “Mr. Wrong” so that you can get your “Mr. Right”.  He’s waiting for you and you only.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

 

Love the One You’re With — You

Happy Valentine’s Day!  This a day that society has set aside for love, and let’s face it, most women are happy on today.  While boyfriends and husbands

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ALWAYS CELEBRATE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT

race around shopping for the perfect gift or something that expresses how they feel about them, their woman waits in anticipation.  Some women are expecting this will be the day that their beau will propose to them, and they are already imagining the type of ring they will receive.   While other women only want a nice candle lit dinner, flowers, and perhaps a movie.  Still other women just want a nice quiet evening with their respective other.  These are the group of women who are blissfully happy.

However, there is another group of women who aren’t in a relationship and are depressed on this day as they hear about the love that’s being bestowed upon their female friends and family members.  While they’re outwardly excited for them, inwardly they are unhappy and wonder when will be their turn for love.  Some women even question what’s wrong with them because they feel unwanted and unloved.  

While Valentine’s Day is a great time to show love for those we care about, we should celebrate it every single day of the year.  Love on those that you care about by calling or texting or spending time or whatever your love language is.  Oftentimes, it’s the small things that mean the most, but are frequently missed.

For those of you who don’t have anyone on this day, love the one you’re with — you.  If you like flowers, it’s okay to buy your own; put them in a vase on your table to admire.  Watch that chic flick that you’ve been dying to see while laughing or crying or both.  If you like jewelry, who says you can’t purchase your own?  You can even get together with your single girlfriends and enjoy each other’s company.

Yes, it’s great to have someone shower you with love today.  However, learn to love the one you’re with…you.

I’m updating my post because after reading today’s blog, one of my male readers made a great point.  He said women aren’t the only one’s with feelings.  Guess what?  He’s correct.  We often forget that men feel the way we do because they are often made to squash or hide whatever sensitive emotion they’re experiencing.  However, I beg to differ.  Honestly, I don’t there is anything more appealing than a man who can share his true emotions.  Now, I know some of you women may disagree because that’s what we’ve been taught to believe. 

So to all of my male readers that may find yourselves alone today, don’t feel lonely.  Do something for you.  Go out and purchase that bottle of cologne you’ve been eyeing.  Grab a box of Chinese food or whatever you have a taste for.  Go home and check out that action packed flick that you’ve been too busy to watch.  Whatever you do, enjoy your day!

Always remember, #WeAllGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

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P.S.:  This is how I decorated my table for the month of February.

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

Milk and the Cow…

I’m writing today’s post at the request of one of my readers.  She wants to be married, and is currently living with her boyfriend.  However, when she broached

the subject of marriage, his response was:  There are things “you” need to work on and behaviors “you” need to correct before I can even “think” about marrying you.

I’m sure many a woman have faced this same dilemma.  You and your boyfriend live together and are “playing” house, so to speak (not judging).  Unfortunately, oftentimes, you two have varying outlooks on where the relationship is headed — you marriage but, unfortunately, sometimes, he just wants to keep you in girlfriend status.

So my reader is a little down because she doesn’t know what to do at this point.  She and her boyfriend have lived together for a little bit.  They share the bills, chores, cooking and, of course, intimacy.  However, he is not currently ready for marriage based on their conversation(s).  The reader feels like she is in girlfriend status, but doing wifely things, and this is not how she envisioned their relationship to be.  She doesn’t feel comfortable with intimacy and some of the things he is asking that she do, and is often told in so many words that “it really isn’t all that great”.  I can visualize all of you right now rolling your eyes.  Trust me, I know.

The reader doesn’t want to get “stuck” being a girlfriend indefinitely but wants to know what to do at this point.  It’s easy for everyone to say, “Girl, if he’s not going to marry you now, you need to leave him” because we’re all on the outside looking in.  Some people may even say, “You shouldn’t live with him anyway unless you’re married” as they look down their noses (people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones).  However, when your heart is involved, it’s not as easy as it seems; you aren’t able to think clearly, even though your head is trying to lead you in the right direction.

There is an old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”?  Sometimes, guys only want the milk, and not the cow.  They will “play” house as long as they are allowed to without any real commitment.  In most instances, we, as women, become emotionally attached a lot sooner than men do and, therein, lies the problem.  However, in my opinion, men know the type of woman they are looking for and who they want to spend the rest of their lives with, but cannot and will not be rushed just because we want it “now”.

If you’re in a relationship, talk about what you want and don’t want before the relationship goes too far.  If you want to be married, don’t be afraid to say that as you are getting to know him.  If you want children, that should also be a topic of discussion.  No one likes to be blindsided by these conversations later because they feel like you’re changing the rules midstream.  The flip side of the coin is that you’ve been with your man for several years, and every time you discuss marriage he chokes up.  You ask him why, and his response is “I’m just not ready”.  Then, “Houston, you’ve got a problem”.

Now, getting back to the reader’s question, what should she do?  We all make choices — some good, some not so good.  Personally, I’ve never lived with anyone before marriage, so I don’t know that I can answer that question appropriately; however, that doesn’t make me any better of a person than she is.  We’ve all done things and are still doing things that we’re not proud of because none of us are perfect.  What I can say is that we have to not only listen to what our partner says but pay attention.  There are definitely times that “he is just not that into us”.  If he says that he only wants to keep you in the friend zone, believe him.  You can never try to force a person to do something they don’t want to because it will blow up in your face every single time.  I will say, though, that sooner or later you’ll have to make a decision in terms of what’s best for you.  If you want marriage and he is saying no cigar, then you need to rethink your relationship.  You don’t want to spend a million years with someone who is not on the same page as you and possibly miss the “one”.

Years ago, I dated a guy whose sister-in-law told me that he would never get married.  Not long after that we stopped dating.  He has been dating a woman for years now, and hasn’t married her to this very day.  I’m not knocking it because apparently it works for them.  However, this arrangement doesn’t work well for every woman and you need to make sure you’re getting what you want.

Sometimes, you may find yourself alone because you refuse to settle for less than what you want or deserve, for that matter, and it’s perfectly okay.  Trust me, when I tell you, that settling will cause you a lot of heartbreak and heartache.  Been there.  Done that.  Didn’t feel good.

Don’t continue to be milked only if that’s not what you want because…

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

If you have topics that you would like to see covered, please feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at grace.deveraux@yahoo.com.

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

Why Leave It Up To Someone Else?

Now, that I’ve got your attention, I’m talking about life’s most precious gems – our

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These gems can’t begin to compare to our “children” no matter how costly they are.

children and/or grandchildren (for those grandparents who are raising them).

 

People look to basketball players, baseball players, celebrities and the like to be role models.  However…it should start at home.  Don’t you think?  What type of life are you living in front of your children?  Are you teaching them about life’s lessons?  Are you watching what you say and do around them, particularly, when they are at the impressionable phase of their lives wherein they mimic everything that you say and do?  Are you monitoring what they’re watching on TV?  Are you careful about where you leave them and with whom?  Do you know their friends and their friends parents?  Are you just dropping them off anywhere, so that you can have free time to “unwind”?

Why entrust your “gem(s)” to someone else for them to look up to?  I understand that we point out certain well-known people to show them who and what they can be, and that’s fine, but you have to live the life of positivity around them daily because they’re with you most of the time.  Be the change that you want to see in them.  Who else should they pattern their lives after other than their caretakers?

When you look at your children/grandchildren, do you see yourself, positively, in them?  Do they have your outgoing personality?  Are they caring?  Are they sensitive?  Are they helpful?  Do they laugh a lot?  Are they adventurous?  What do you see?  One of my friends and I had a conversation about this recently and the consensus was that if you see nothing, perhaps, you’re not spending enough “quality” time with them.  Hmm?  Food for thought.  The flip side of the coin is that because we are with our children/grandchildren everyday, we may not notice just how much they are like us and the influence we have on them — positively or negatively.

There are exceptions, however, as it is with every rule.  Perhaps, you are a woman raising your son alone, and have no idea how to teach him to be a boy or prepare him for manhood.  There are programs available such as the Big Brother program, and some of your local churches even have mentor programs.  You’ll have to do some searching, but it’s worth it.  If you need assistance, don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask.  After all, your child’s very life depends on it.

For those of you who don’t need help, put in the work with your child.  I guarantee the results will be rewarding.  You never know who you’re raising your precious gem(s) to be.

As always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.