School’s out, and most kids probably get to sleep in a little later, which is something they look forward to all year long, particularly, during the last few weeks of school.  Everyone gets a little antsy and testy then because it seems like the end is taking forever.  They make plans to hang out with their friends, and just have lazy days because they feel as though they’ve earned it by working hard for the past nine months or so.  Some families plan vacations while others have staycations and schedule occasional day trips with their family.

When I was growing up, my sister and I used to spend the entire summer with my paternal grandmother.  We couldn’t wait to go because we knew we were going to have “big” fun.  My grandmother was one of those people who felt that children should be well rounded, and she made sure of that.  We were always up and down the highway going someplace or another.  She took us to the movies, museums, the theatre, amusement parks, fairs, malls, etc.  My great-grandmother would often save quarters for my sister and I in the change card holder so that we would have spending money.

On one of our trips to Atlantic City (before it was changed over to a casino), we saw the dancing chicken.  You put a coin in the machine and the chicken moved around like it was dancing.  My aunt couldn’t stop laughing (cackling, LOL!); she was laughing so hard that it made me laugh as well.  That was the absolute highlight of our trip that day.

Another memorable event, was when the Columbia Mall first opened in our area, and my grandmother took us there for the very first time.  She didn’t have a lot of money, but we always had to stop and eat (hence, food is one of my best friends until this very day, LOL!)  This particular time, we stopped at the hot dog stand.  I had never had a hot dog with everything but decided to go for it.  What a real treat!  I truly had everything (sauerkraut, cheese, chili, mustard, ketchup, relish, onion and whatever else they had back then) — my bread was so wet and soggy from all of the toppings, but it didn’t stop me from eating it.  That was the best hot dog I had ever eaten in my entire life.

My Grandmother Fannie was big on movie going, and we probably saw every kid movie that premiered.  She also loved taking in the theatre, and we saw a number of theatrical shows.  In fact, she had taken us to a performance (can’t remember what it was), and Richard Roundtree was walking around upstairs as I went to the bathroom.  He was so close that I could have reached out and touched him.  I wanted to say something to him so bad, but my fear and shyness kept me from doing anything about it other than going to the restroom which is what I was doing upstairs in the first place.

On hot days, it was nothing like have a Root beer float or a slushie (that’s before they became a thing).   We had buckets that we put in the freezer.  Once they got cold enough, we poured our drinks in there and stirred.  Nothing like a cold drink on a hot summer’s day.  There were also times that we got an extra treat when the ice cream truck came around.  Some of you may remember this slogan “I scream.  You scream.  We all scream for ice cream”.  

When we weren’t traveling up and down the road, my sister and I played jacks, rode our bikes, played with our Barbie dolls as well as paper dolls.  I was very competitive back then and when my sister would lose at any game we played, I would gloat and stick out my chest and walk around like a proud turkey.  LOL!

As goofy kids, we’d do stupid stuff, while my grandmother was driving, such as turning around and making faces at the people in the cars behind us (kids better not even consider doing that today).  We’d randomly pick numbers from the phone book, and play on the phone asking people were their refrigerators running.  One time, I got the bright idea to ask for this lady’s husband because his name was the one listed.  I said something silly like I was his girlfriend.  Her response was, “My husband died a number of years ago”.  I was so startled, that I immediately hung up.  Guess what, they cured me; I never played on the phone again.

Honestly, I wished I could go back to those times of innocence and playfulness.  If I could turn back the hands of time, I think I would have enjoyed them even more.  As children, we are always think about “being an adult”, and have no clue what will be awaiting us when we reach that status.  My granddaughter, who is only 4, says she can’t wait to be a grown up.  I told her to have fun playing with her friends and doing things that 4-year-olds should do because she had the rest of her life to be a grown up.  I assured her that kids should be having a boat load of fun, particularly at her age.

What are some of your most memorable moments from your childhood?

As always, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

About three months ago, my son did something extremely foolish which affected his mental health.  He was plagued with this day in and day out.  Not only was it wearing him out, but me as well.  There were many days he would call me and ask me to pray for him as well as nights when he would ask if he could sleep in my room.

We had many conversations about what was going on with him.  It came to a point where we were both angry with one another:  him because he felt I wasn’t supportive enough, and me because I was ticked off.  His decision messed with my comfortable life, which had finally become peaceful, and I was happier than I had been in years.  I felt like “How dare you rain on my parade because of your selfish behavior?”  Now, let me say this — my son is no longer a child (he’s still my child, though) because he has reached 21 years of age; however, he still wants and needs his mama.

He talked to his friends, and they helped him as best they could.  He went to the emergency room on numerous visits, and even had appointments with a physician to try and get to the root of his issues, so that he could manage his day to day living.

I would ask him the same questions over and over again, hoping that they would eventually jar his memory so that we could figure out what was really happening, even though, I had pretty much figured out the culprit that caused his situation.  He would then say, “Are you a doctor?  You don’t know what you’re talking about.  I don’t need you to keep asking me the same questions over and over again; I just need you to listen.”  At that point, I tuned out.  My thought process was that if he didn’t think I had some of the answers because I didn’t have an M.D. behind my name, then obviously he didn’t really need my help; this angered him even more.  I thought to myself “Oh, well.”

One day, I had an epiphany and realized why I couldn’t be supportive in the way in which he needed.  Now, mind you, I didn’t totally abandon him.  I listened.  I got on his nerves, and I prayed behind the scenes.  I was not, however, going to walk him by his hand as he made the choice to do something he knew full well he shouldn’t have because of a prior experience several years ago.  I had to be reminded that I had done some pretty outlandish things a time or two in my life, and my family and friends listened to me despite my poor choices. At that moment, I got it and was able to let go of the anger that I had been holding onto.

One Saturday night he came into my room to talk.  I asked him the same questions that I had previously.  He got upset again.  I told him that he needed to leave my room because he was yelling. He didn’t listen, of course, but did eventually calm down; then, we were able to have a decent conversation.  Two scriptures popped into my head which I looked up for reference and sent to him via text message, so that he could refer to them on his own time.  I told him he had one of two choices — he could either fight for his life to overcome the situation or succumb to it.  I spoke to him with authority — in fact, at some point, I didn’t even recognize my own voice.  He asked me why I hadn’t said these things to him in the past, and I just shrugged my shoulders.  Before my very eyes, I witnessed his breakthrough.  I knew the exact moment that it happened because he lied across the floor in my room and was very peaceful, even his demeanor was peaceful.  He finally went into his room to go to bed.

The next morning, we talked and I told him he had a breakthrough and he agreed.  I had to change my thinking and get over my anger in order to really be able to assist him.  I had to look at myself and be completely honest about how I felt and what I was thinking.  Was it easy?  Absolutely not!

People at my church were praying for him and there was a couple who took him under
their wing.  I believe he was their assignment as they had left and come back just at the right time.

I’m so grateful for my son’s release.  Our adult children are going to do some very unwise things as they are still learning.  Even though, they drive us absolutely bananas with some of their negative behaviors (and yes, some of it still stems from peer pressure), we have to support them, even when we want to distance ourselves and let them figure it out.  Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times when, we as the parents, have to cut the apron strings and let them hit rock bottom, but we have to know when.  Doing so too early can clip their wings so that they are unable to soar.  Sometimes, we need the patience of Job as it can be quite challenging to be the parent of a young adult who is being rebellious, disrespectful and a know it all.  However, we have to keep in mind they still need us.  There are people out there who are just waiting to take them in and destroy them because they know they are looking for love from anyone as they continue their search for acceptance.  We must continue to show them love (sometimes tough love).  Don’t focus so much on what you see them doing currently, but concentrate on what you are claiming them to be.  I don’t care how bleak or looks or how dim the light is, there is hope.  However, don’t go along with the negative behaviors; stand firm and be consistent and persistent.  Trust me, they have not forgotten the morals and ethics that you’ve instilled in them.  LOVE them back to life.  DON’T GIVE UP NOW!

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

Remember, you don’t have to fight this alone:

My friend came up with the topic “What about the children” because there is just so much happening in our society concerning our children and youth.  They are dealing with some real issues and because of that, sadly, some aren’t even allowed to enjoy their childhood.  Kids are being bullied and because they are so tormented, they choose to end their lives by committing suicide — some at the tender age of 9 years old.  When I was that age, I was having the time of my life playing with my Barbie dolls, dressing and undressing them.  I even had paper dolls which was a big thing when I was growing up.  I played outside with my friends.  I played jacks, and even hopscotch was a lot of fun.  Unfortunately, in today’s society, some kids have never had the distinct pleasure of being able to just have “fun”.

It seems that our kids, our most precious gems, are under attack.  Every time you turn on the TV or click on any app on social media, you learn that something tragic has happened to someones child — they’ve been beaten, murdered, raped, molested, etc.  I often ask the question through my tears, “What in the world is going on?”  How can we protect our kids?  When they attend school, it’s supposed to be a pleasant experience as they grow and mature, right?  They are supposed to be able to go outside and play with their friends, right?  Sadly, it’s not always like this.  Things have certainly changed tremendously (and not for the better, as far as I’m concerned) from when I was growing up.

Tons of children are in the foster care system because of neglect, abuse, etc. by those who were supposed to protect them.  Family members are sexually abusing kids who were left in their care.

For the kids who are being bullied in school, they are too afraid to alert the teachers or office staff or their parents and, unfortunately, some commit suicide because of the pressure.  So, now, we have parents who will forever have a hole in their hearts.  They feel terrible because they had no idea their child was so upset; therefore, they were unable to help them.  They couldn’t keep them safe and blame themselves for not seeing the signs.

How many times have we heard that children have been missing and, unfortunately, most of them are not found alive?  Every now and again, we hear a happy ending and I cry tears of joy.

How many times have children been brought into the ER with broken bones and covered   in bruises?  How many times have teachers come out of their pockets to help feed children and/or clothe them.  You have children who are raising themselves because the mom may be a single mother and has to work multiple jobs to make ends meet.  Also, there are kids who are raising themselves because the mom has a habit that she can’t kick.

Back in the day, families took care of the children when the parents couldn’t.  That’s not so much the case these days because some of the grandparents are so young themselves and are trying to get their life.

So what happens to the children?  Who is there for them?  Who will be there to help these scared children who don’t know what to do?

Children are being taken away from us when they should be having the time of their lives.  When I was growing up, we played outside all the time.  There were no cell phones or video games to play.  Now, even though you want your kids to have fun, you’re terrified to let them go out for fear that some tragedy might strike.

The million dollar question is what can we do to keep our kids safe?  In my opinion, it’s imperative that we cover them in prayer every single day.  We have to teach them about safety, and encourage them to tell an adult if they are being bullied or sexually assaulted.  We have to reassure them  it’s not snitching.  We have to teach our children when they are very young about appropriate and inappropriate touches and behaviors.  I started talking to my granddaughter about it before she turned 3.

Also, we have to, as much as we can, monitor our kids social media activity.  When my daughters were in middle school, they had a MySpace account that I knew nothing about.  I was in the dark ages and hadn’t even heard of MySpace.  Their aunt found it and forced them to delete it.  When I allowed my youngest daughter to have a FaceBook account, the agreement was that I would have her password, so that I could see what type of activity was going on.  As far as my oldest daughter goes, I found her password and would log in from time to time to see what she was doing.  My son, who is the youngest of the three, made an account and I decided to hack into it and have a little bit of fun with him by saying, “This is your mom.  You know you’re not to have an account.  Delete it now”!  It’s impossible to watch everything our children are doing because there is so much going on.

You turn on the TV and there are a million reality shows with so much profanity being spewed out of people’s mouths that it is totally unbelievable.  My kids lost the TV’s in their room when they were in elementary school because they were busted watching Flavor of Love in the middle of the night; they were never allowed to have TV’s in their rooms again.

We have to encourage our children.  We have to support our children.  We have to educate our children.  Most importantly, we have to shower our children with lots of love because if they don’t get it at home, they’ll seek it elsewhere which could certainly lead them down the path of destruction.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all unite and come up with a way to protect and keep our children safe?

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

#ChildrenYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

A fair amount of girls that I grew up with used to pull flower petals with the hopes that the last petal would land on “he loves me”.  We felt for sure that meant our “little” boyfriends really loved us.  We were young and in elementary school, therefore, we had no idea or concept of what love really meant outside of those flower petals.  I have to admit that some of the girls took this seriously, and  got more than a little upset when they were left with “he loves me not”.  Reflecting back on those days, I now see how funny it was that we believed the petals had a real bearing on our relationships.

Fast forward past teenage years and middle age, one can still ask the question “Does he love me or does he love me not”?  That’s always the million dollar question every female asks herself and, perhaps, even her friends because she might be afraid to ask her partner.  We always want to know (as we should) if the person we’re involved with has the same feelings we do or if they have feelings for us at all.  Quite honestly, it’s a fair question — but just how do we measure whether or not “he loves us”?

I had the occasion to talk to two different women on two separate days about their relationship with their respective partners.  Ironically, both of them are the tender age of “26,” and neither one of them knew the other had spoken with me.

One young lady’s boyfriend broke up with her for a brief moment (lapse in judgment according to both of them) because he felt he really had nothing to offer her due to his perception that she truly had it “going on”.  He actually thought that he didn’t measure up to her and that she deserved so much more.  His girlfriend is established — has a stable job, is buying her own home, has a car, etc., and is currently making more money than him.  He felt inferior to her because he is still trying to put his life together, and figure out exactly what it is that he wants to do with the next 100 years.  Of course, she was absolutely devastated as she didn’t see this coming — there wasn’t even the slightest hint.  She cried about it because she loved this man, even though they’ve been together for less than a year.  They talked about it, and she made some stipulations on their relationship, effective immediately.  What he didn’t seem to realize is that none of that mattered to her.  She loved him and he had told her that he loved her as well.  She was well aware of what she was bringing to the table, but cared about him enough to be in a relationship because she felt he was working towards his goal, and she knew that, ultimately, he would be making more money than she.  So the question was “Does he really love me.  How could I be dumped without first having a conversation about how he was feeling”?  She felt as though a discussion should have been had, so that she could have reassured him that in the grand scheme of things none of that mattered because she loved him.  “He loves me, he loves me not”.

The other young lady’s situation was totally different.  She has been with her guy for a good while.  He has her on an emotional roller coaster — one minute he wants her, and the next moment he is telling her to find someone else because she deserves better than him.  She, of course, loves him like there is no tomorrow since they have many years of history together.  She is beginning to question his love for her.  She wants to know “If he truly loves her how can he be so on and off again”.  She is in a quandary because her head and her heart are telling her something totally different.  In her head, she knows that she needs to move on for her mental well being; however, her heart won’t comply with her head — in other words, the two aren’t in alignment as yet.  “He loves me — he loves me not”.

Now, just because your man is not always telling you that he loves you and is not the kind who gushes over you 24/7 nor is he the mushy type, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.  Yes, women want to hear it sometimes; however, as the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words”.  Does he treat you with respect?  Does he listen to you?  Is he compassionate?  Does he make you feel like you’re the only woman in the world? Does he look at you with love (not lust) in his eyes?  Does he take a real interest in what’s going on in your life?  If you answered yes to some or all of the questions (which is a very small list), then this is your man showing you just how much you mean to him.

Women have kicked good men to the curb because their guy didn’t tell them that he loved them like a thousand times a day.  They couldn’t associate his actions with how he truly felt about them, which is unfortunate.

At the end of the day, no one can tell you whether or not your man really loves you or is

just going through the motions.  I will say this — nine times out of ten, you will definitely know if he’s not that into you.  If you are unsure, and are driving yourself crazy about it, ask your partner.  He may feel that he is showing you (and more than likely he is); therefore, he thinks you should already know.  Some guys, may be a little sensitive in this area and take offense because they are doing everything in their power to show you. However, the flip side of the coin is that, if you’re anything like me, you hate to assume anything.  I had a friend tell me they thought they were showing me and in all actuality they were, but I was afraid.  I wasn’t used to being shown how someone truly felt about me, but I have to admit it feels mighty doggone good!

Sadly, sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in dead end relationships with someone that we know beyond a shadow of a doubt doesn’t love us and at some point, we’ve fallen out of love with them.  We’re afraid to move on or are afraid to be alone or are afraid of what people may think or are afraid to hurt our partners feelings or are afraid we can’t make it financially, etc.  However, we owe it to ourselves to be happy.  Quite honestly, it’s okay to be alone — that doesn’t mean we’re lonely; these are two different things.  I was alone for a long time, and had to realize that it wasn’t the end of the world. Yes, I wanted to be in a relationship, but this time around I told myself I wasn’t going to just settle for anything to be with someone, and was going to wait until Mr. Right came along.  I have more years behind me than I have ahead of me, and I want to live them out in happiness.  I don’t expect things to be perfect, but right — it has to be the right fit.  Ladies if he’s not the one, walk away.  Don’t waste years of your time because you can never get them back.  Trust me I know what that feels like because I’ve traveled that road.  Love yourself enough not to be desperate to hold on.  At the end of the day, I don’t want to be left wondering whether “he loves me or loves me not,” and neither should you.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

TRUST:  Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.

VS.

DISTRUST:  Doubt the honesty or reliability of; regard with suspicion.

During the course of our lifetime, we have trusted and distrusted people.  When we are growing up, we trust our parents implicitly.  We trust them to feed, clothe, house, love, nurture, encourage and support us.  We even trust that they will not just take care of our necessities but our desires as well.  Also, we are confident that our parents will be there to catch us when we fall; therefore, we never doubt it and we believe in their ability to fix all of our mistakes as they kiss our “booboos” of life.  This is the foundation of us learning to trust.

As we grow, we develop friendships and relationships with our peers — some turn out to be lifetime friends like the one that I have with my best friend (46 years and counting).  Some friendships don’t work out because we outgrow them while others don’t work out because of the distrust factor; perhaps, we were lied to/lied on or stolen from or talked about, etc.  Some of the hurt caused is like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut at the same time.  The pain is devastating and, in some cases, earth shattering.  This is the moment you begin to distrust nearly everyone and everything.

In one of my previous relationships, I “learned” how to distrust as I was on the receiving end of it time and time again.  I was lied to about almost everything.  The saying that the person is innocent until proven guilty definitely didn’t apply as this person was guilty until proven innocent, in my mind.  Not a healthy way to live, right?  I know.  I found myself always looking for something, and would eventually find it.  I just couldn’t leave it alone.  It was almost like I was obsessed with finding the truth, and wouldn’t stop until I had uncovered it.

Recently, I almost lost one of my best friends because I allowed distrust to rear it’s ugly head in our relationship on multiple occasions, even though I never really had a reason not to trust.

We have to “learn” how to delete distrust out of our relationships/friendships if we have no concrete evidence the person is being untrustworthy.  We shouldn’t bring past hurts into new friends and/or relationships because it “just ain’t cool (as I was told)”.  What we don’t realize, at the time, is that we are hurting people (unintentionally) who haven’t inflicted any type of pain on us.  We are subconsciously punishing them for what someone else did to us.

Now, we can’t control the thoughts that run across and through our minds, but we can master the art of kicking those thoughts out.  Let me just say this, I’m not suggesting in any way, shape, form or fashion it’s going to be easy; however, it is possible.  It will take much practice, and we’ll have to talk ourselves down off the ledge every time we have the urge to question a person’s honesty.  Now, the flip side of that is, if someone is being dishonest, it will eventually come out in the wash, as the old folks used to say, or as the more current saying goes, “what’s done in the dark will come to the light”.  No more needs to be said – I’m going to leave that right there.

I urge you to stop wasting time looking for things that are probably only a part of your imagination, but if you cannot find it within yourself to trust, you have to move on rather than frustrating people with your thoughts and insecurities.

Gurl, I know you’ve been hurt, but at what point do you let the healing begin?  I’m here to tell you there is no time like the present.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

There are times in our lives that we have so much going on mentally that we not only drive ourselves bonkers, but those around us as well.  This was me — that is, until my newfound revelation.

Today, I went to the National Harbor in Washington, DC.  I invited a friend to go along; however, they had other obligations, which I understood came first.  Once my daughter found out that I was going alone, she said that she, her boyfriend, and my grandson could go along.  I responded, “No, I wanted to go by myself”.  She wondered what I would do and I guess felt kind of bad that I would be alone, but I assured her that I was going to be perfectly fine.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was a journey that I needed to take by myself.  In fact, it was imperative that I go alone; otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten what I needed today.

After arriving there, I found the perfect spot in the parking garage and was absolutely elated because this almost never happens to me.  As I walked around, I noticed that most people weren’t by themselves, but I wasn’t bothered by that.  I can remember a time, however, in my life that I would have felt awkward, lonely and depressed to walk alone, and would have tried to make myself invisible by walking with my head down to the ground.  I am no longer that girl and for that I’m grateful; I can walk alone with my head held high because I have learned to enjoy my own company.

I walked into several stores and did some window shopping, and even expanded my walk to several streets over.  By this time, my tummy was talking to me because I had only eaten breakfast.  I went into several establishments to peruse their menus before deciding on Potbelly Sandwich Shop.  Might I add, they had the best turkey club sandwich that I’ve ever had in my life.  I sat there alone eating my sandwich and munching on chips as I caught up with the latest news, and checked my social media pages.

Then, I went outside and found a nice seat where I could see the water, the sand, and the tour boat.  There were tons of people milling about as this was the perfect day to be out and about.  While sitting there, I people watched for a bit because I always find that very interesting.  At some point, I turned my focus to a group of young people who couldn’t seem to stop cursing and thought back to the days when I was coming along that kids wouldn’t do that in front of adults out of respect.  I felt a nice cool breeze.  Immediately, I felt peach wash over me.  It was at that exact moment that I began to relax.  I forgot about all of the people milling around and I forgot about the young people.  I began to turn my thoughts inward as I focused on me and all the many thoughts I had roaming around in my head of late.  I started sweeping the cobwebs out.  I told myself not to worry about my children/grandchildren, not to worry or focus on my job and the changes being mandated, not to rush to the mailbox everyday looking for a court date for my upcoming divorce, not to worry about my relationship, etc., etc.  I began to smile to myself as I thought about everything that needed to be swept out of my mind.

To further add to my evening, I had no clue that I was going to be in for a musical treat  by the Sea Chanters which is one of the United States Naval Ensembles.  They entertained us for a good hour or more, and were absolutely phenomenal!  As I listened to them sing unfamiliar as well as familiar (they even performed a medley of Motown songs) songs, I relaxed.  I took a deeper breath.  I smiled.  I forgot…

As the crowd dissipated I continued to sit there in the same spot that I had occupied for several hours.  I honestly didn’t want to leave, and could have sat there all night because I felt so renewed and refreshed.

What I took away from today’s outing is that sometimes you need to be alone because our minds are often cluttered with stuff that should be released.  Recently, I’ve been told to relax about certain things that I was having an issue with because of what had transpired in my past.  Because I couldn’t relax, I was driving everyone crazy, including myself.

I don’t know what’s cluttering your mind, but what I do know is that you need to declutter.  You may not have to go out of state like I did to figure it out and to find your peace; however, you need to get a broom and knock down every single one of those cobwebs that is taking over your mind and making you lose focus.  You don’t have to knock them down all at once; perhaps, you need to do it little by little.  No matter which method you choose, it’s essential that you do it.  My mind feels so much lighter (now if my body would catch up, LOL!).

Because my mind was so cluttered with all manner of things, I had lost focus on matters that I shouldn’t have.  Today, I realized that some things I need to let go of, and some things I need to relax about.  In other words, I have to put everything into perspective.

Some of you have been carrying around the same cobwebs for years and are terrified of knocking them down because you’re so used to them occupying space, and you wonder what will you do without them.  Gurl, let it go!  It’s time!  It’s been time!  Knock out those cobwebs of depression, anger, bitterness, loneliness, frustration.  Stop worrying about your grown children as some of us do.  We have given them all the tools that are necessary and if they don’t choose to use them, we can’t feel guilty about it.  Stop fretting over jobs.  Stop worrying about relationships; if it’s meant to be, it will happen — relax and enjoy the ride (this seems to be the theme and certainly good advice).

Decluttering is something we need to do often.  We shouldn’t allow the cobwebs to build up so much that we’re always frustrated because we can’t see our way clear.  Never be afraid to spend time alone so that you can think and regroup.  When you, don’t be afraid of what you see.  In life, we do and think crazy things sometimes because we’re human.  We worry about issues that we know we shouldn’t.  However, we are to learn from those situations rather than beating ourselves up about them (another theme).

STOP (this is my sister’s and one of my friends

favorite word)

What

You’re

Doing

and

Declutter

As

Soon

As

Possible

When is the last time you decluttered?  

No matter what, always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

When love comes a knocking will you be able to recognize it or will you overlook it because you’re looking for something/someone else?

You meet someone who you think is really a great person.  Things are going really well, and you’re into them; you’re “digging” them as they used to say back in the day.  Then, you’re out and about and you meet someone else who appears a bit intriguing.  Even though you’re happy with the person you’re with, it’s just something about this person that you want to get to know, and so you do.  As you get to know them, you begin to find one reason after the other to not spend quite as much time with the person that you thought might be “the one” — the person that you initially couldn’t get enough of.  Now, you’ve created a love triangle and are confused as to which one you is the best match for you.  You continue down this path hoping never to get caught, but have already come up with a loop hole in your head — you’ve never made a commitment to either one, and that’s the argument you will use to save yourself.  However, don’t you think it’s wrong?  You’ve got two (could be more) wonderful people who are crazy about you, and think they’re the only one because that’s how you make them feel.  Don’t you feel that’s just a wee bit selfish, and deceptive on your part?  Why not tell both parties that you are not dating exclusively, and that you want to see other people.  Let them decide if they want to stick around or not.  It would certainly spare them heartache.  When you’re not forthcoming, you take away their right.  In my opinion, this is wrong.

If I’m dating to one person, I’m not talking to anyone else, even if we haven’t necessarily had that conversation.  If I’m spending my time getting to know you and we’re constantly communicating, I don’t have time nor do I desire to have time for anyone else.

I’ve heard people say they prefer to date more than one person at a time because it gives them choices and that’s how they determine which one out of the multiple people they are talking to is “the one”.  When you meet people, everyone is different.  Maybe the one person you’re talking to is absolutely beautiful on the inside and out and that makes you a little uneasy because you feel threatened that perhaps they could never be into you; you’re insecure because you feel other people will be attracted to them as well.  However, you really enjoy “kicking” it with them.  They’re funny and engaging as well and, at the end of the day, you really enjoy them.  Maybe, another one, might spoil you financially.  There is still another one who is a great conversationalist; you can go to them if you have any sort of issue, and they always have a resolution and/or make you think, in other words, they challenge you.  Now, how do you select from these three people?  They’re all great, and bring something totally different to the relationship.  You’re really confused, and have no idea what to do.  Do you continue dating all of them until you eventually get caught?  Or do you finally tell the other two that it’s been real, but it’s over?

For me, dating multiple people at once would not only be stressful, but would make me totally confused because I don’t believe there is just one perfect match.  The reason is that each of the people would have something that I’m attracted to.  There is no way that I could take the positives away from each of them and create one whole person.  So, then, how do I decide?  I can’t.  I’d rather date one person at a time to see where it goes, but that’s just me.  I would dare say that most of the time, as you’re getting to know the individual, you’ll know early on if that person has any real potential or not.  It usually doesn’t take months, particularly, if you two are being completely honest with one another.

When I’m in a relationship, I’m pretty transparent about my thoughts, feelings, and past.  Why should I bring a “representative,” when I can be myself?  I don’t want anyone to get to know an “imposter,” but rather the real me.  Everyone talks about the “honeymoon” phase when people are “pretending” to be the best of the best.  I think people should be real, and honest — not fake, and I believe that the best relationships are built on friendships first.  I made a huge mistake once of not being friends with the person that I was in a relationship with and it wound up a complete disaster.

I can’t knock anybody for how they arrive at choosing their perspective mate; however, I urge you to be honest with those you are dating and inform them that they aren’t the only ones so they won’t be devastated when, and if, you select someone else over them.  I, personally, believe it’s just the right thing to do.

Maybe, you’re not caught in a love triangle but you find yourself confused about the person you’re in a relationship with.  You have feelings for them, and whenever you two aren’t together, you can’t get them out of your head.  However, for whatever reason, you’re unable to commit to them, even though you know you think they’d be perfect for you.  Is it fear or are you holding out because you feel you might find someone better?

If you have genuine feelings for a someone, don’t be afraid to tell them.  Let them in on your “secret”.  Don’t keep them guessing or have them “assume”.

In my onion, honesty is always the best policy.  If you lose the person you really want, you can’t blame anyone except yourself.  I say go for what you want.  I’m a romantic, so for me love is just that important.  A good love story and seeing a couple ride off into the sunset together brings tears to my eyes, as I’m a softy when it comes to happy endings.

If you’re still waiting on love, it will come.  Don’t sacrifice.  Your knight in shining armor is right around the corner, but you have to be patient.  In the meantime, do you.  Don’t sit on your sofa watching TV and eating tons of snacks.  Enjoy your life.  Hang out with your friends, travel, go back to school or whatever it is that makes you happy because…

#GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Heartbroken:  Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.

So many people have been heartbroken and are left with the “burden” of trying to pick up the pieces of their lives, which can an extremely daunting task.  

Perhaps, you can identify with some of the scenarios listed below:

Some people really care about the person they are in a relationship with but are afraid to share their “true” feelings.  They feel that by doing so they are opening themselves up for hurt “again”.  Let’s face it, no one likes pain.   It’s scary but you must deal with your feelings and emotions because the person you’re in a relationship with may misconstrue your lack of communication as you’re really not that interested and walk right out of your life, and wind up with someone else who is not afraid to be open.  Then, you’re left with a feeling of “regret” because you’re sorry that you were unable to feel free enough or comfortable enough to talk to them because of your past “hurts” kept you from doing so.  You couldn’t tell yourself this wasn’t the person who hurt you.  You couldn’t lower the wall that you built so that you could fully let them in and allow yourself to be free to love again.  Now, the person that you really cared about is gone; they’ve walked right into the open arms of someone else.  Now, you’re left feeling “heartbroken”.  People will hang in there for a bit with the hope that you will eventually let go of your fears; however, they aren’t going to wait forever nor should they.  

Have you ever been with someone that you thought was really into you only to discover they were playing games because of their immaturity.  They knew exactly how you felt about them.  Instead of them saying they wanted to date other people and that your relationship with them wasn’t “exclusive”, they said nothing.  They “led” you to “believe” you were the only one.  I believe that’s pretty selfish and it’s never, ever cool to do that to anyone.  It’s not right to play with anyone’s heart just because you feel like you can.  Ask yourself would you want someone to do this to you?

Have you ever been in a relationship with an imposter, an absolute fake?  You thought they were someone they weren’t.  They were absolutely charming and you couldn’t get enough of them.  However, there was another side to them that you were totally unaware of.  The relationship goes south because of the things they did to ruin it, but that wasn’t the worse part.  They told “vicious” lies on you and tried to destroy your character by “proclaiming” to anyone who would listen that you were an awful person by saying that you did things that you’d never dream of doing.  They tried to flip the script because in all actuality they were doing the things they accused you of.  At this point, you’re beyond heartbroken — you’re absolutely devastated.  How could someone you loved so much cause so much pain, devastation, and destruction?

Some of you may sabotage your perfectly good relationship because you’re deathly afraid this is real, so you back off.  You stop taking the person’s calls and find reasons why you can’t spend time with them.  You tell your feelings to go away because you’re absolutely terrified of being hurt again.  You walk out of the relationship leaving the person confused.  You’re hurting, though, because of your decision.  However, what you don’t understand is the other person is as well.  They didn’t get an explanation.  They didn’t get closure.  You just went “ghost” on them.  You allowed your fear to have possibly walked out on something great; this could have been the perfect person for you.  Now, you’ll never know.

Maybe you are in the group of people, who after a break up, just want to be left alone.  You shut down.  You walk through life hoping to be invisible.  You feel like you can’t “trust” yourself to choose the “right” person, so you close your heart.  You meet people who ask you out but you, respectfully, decline every single time.  Then, one day, you decide it’s been long enough, even though you’re still a little skeptical.  You’ve cried a million tears, and have finally gotten over the hurt.  Your heart has been “mended”.  You meet the person of your dreams, but you’re not sure if this is real or not.  Can a person really be that in to you?  Can things really be going that well?  You’re not sure.  The old pain tries to resurface.  Your head and your heart are both reeling.  Which one should you trust — your head or your heart?  Little by little, you let down your defenses as you learn to trust this person, but you’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop.   This is the happiest you’ve been in forever.  This is the point where you become overwhelmed by fear.  Suppose this doesn’t work?  Suppose this person breaks your heart too?  Should you take a step back?  Should you end the relationship before it fizzes out?  Now, you’re anxious.  You can’t enjoy the here and now because you have become so fixated on the fact that this relationship may not work.  You take deep breaths to calm your fears, and eventually get over it.  You realize you can’t be afraid and repeatedly tell yourself this is not your ex.  

Sometimes, you’re in a relationship and everyone else around you can see that it’s not a good fit.  They express their feelings and concern; however, you don’t listen to anyone because you’re in “too deep” as the old saying goes “your nose is wide open”.  You ignore their warnings only to discover some time down the road that they were correct.  You ask yourself “How could I have missed the red flags?”  Sometimes, “love really is blind”, but don’t beat yourself up about it.  A lot of us have been there, done that.

There are instances when, after “breaking your heart” and you’ve moved on, the person who caused the “pain” attempts to reenter your life “claiming” they’ve changed and, perhaps, they have.  They “seem” genuinely sorrowful, which leaves you totally confused.  You’ve purged them from your heart and mind, and now they’re back.  Do you tell them to kick rocks or do you take a chance on being hurt again?  Only you can answer that question.  For me, personally, when it’s over, it’s over.  There is no going back because I can’t forget the pain that left indelible scars on my heart.  I wish them well, but it’s just way too late.  Done is done!

Maybe, you’ve never gotten your heart broken, but rather you’ve broken hearts all of your life.  It’s time for you to take responsibility for your actions!  No one deserves to be hurt because of your fear or insecurities regarding love.  They fell in love with you and hoped their feelings would be reciprocated.  Instead, you left them with a big hole in their heart.  If you can’t commit, be upfront with the person you’re dating so they can then determine if this is the relationship for them or not.

If you are asking yourself “What’s wrong with me”, I want you to stop.  You’re wonderful but, sadly, the person who broke your heart didn’t appreciate what they had.

For those of you who are crying yourself to sleep at night, it’s okay.  Cry until you get it all out, and then pick up the pieces of your life bit by bit.  

When your heart is broken, it hurts like the dickens.  Trust me, I know.  You feel as though your heart has been broken into a million tiny pieces, and you’ll never be able to put it back together.  You’ve got to allow yourself time to heal.  Take back the power that you’ve given to the one you loved.  Get back in the driver seat of your life.  Let the healing begin.  Get a good support system who will be there to hold you up, and to catch you when you fall.  You are much stronger than you could imagine.  You got this!

A few more quotes about love:

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. – Alexander Graham Bell

Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. – Anonymous

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. – J. K. Rowlin

#WeGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

A few of you asked me to write a Part II on my previous post “De-cep-tion” because it left you wanting more.  One reader even commented, “It needed a spin-off”.  I hear you, and promise to revisit that topic on a later day.

However, I chose today’s topic “Heartbroken” because that’s what kept ringing in my mind in the wee hours of the morning.

Heartbroken:  Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.

I just want to start off by saying that heartbreak doesn’t always come from someone cheating on you, even though quite a few of us have experienced this.  We could have an endless conversation about this topic and the pain we endured, and the distrust of everyone as a result.  Some of you have healed and have been able to pick up the pieces of your life; however, there are those who are still struggling with this because they are “stuck” and have been unable to move on with their lives.  Today, I want you to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  Your very life depends on it.

Perhaps, your initial heartbreak was a result of your first real “crush” when you were a youngster.  You secretly carried a “torch” for one of your classmates.  One day, you “finally” got the nerve to say something to them, only to discover they didn’t share your feelings.  Ouch!  You walked away with your head held high trying to put on a brave front, but on the inside you were heartbroken.

Maybe, you were in a relationship with someone and everything “seemingly” was going well when out of nowhere, your relationship began to crumble bit by bit until there was nothing left (someone told me this could be because they sent the representative instead of allowing you to see the real them, particularly if the relationship is fairly new).  You didn’t see it coming; therefore, you didn’t have time to prepare your “heart” for the “break” it was experiencing.  Thus, the relationship left you with a broken heart.  You’re left wondering  if the relationship was ever real or had it merely been an “illusion”.
Perhaps, you’re in the group of people who married the absolute love of your life.  You were blissfully in love and thought it was reciprocated and, perhaps, it was in the beginning.  Now, that things have changed, the only thing you’re left with is hurt and unanswered questions

For some, “you realized” that you and your spouse were drifting apart, and, you tried your best to “fix” your issues, but to no avail.  Then, you put a Band-Aid on your “boo boo” by walking around in denial; however, that only made things worse.  You tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t work either.  In the end, you two went your separate ways and your relationship ultimately “ended” in divorce.  While you may be happy that the journey ended, it took a minute for you to “process” your feelings.  Some of you may feel like a failure.  Some of you may be embarrassed because you’re concerned about what people think.  Some of you may over think your situation by wondering a million and one times where “you” went wrong.  Oftentimes, we, as women, tend to “beat” ourselves up.  We analyze every bit of the relationship.  We remember all of the arguments.  We remember all of the pain.  We may even say to ourselves, “If only I had done…”, maybe things would have been different.  For those whose relationship ended because of a cheating spouse, you ask yourself these questions, “What’s wrong with me?  Wasn’t I good enough for him?  Why would he seek love elsewhere?  Why couldn’t he tell me he wasn’t happy?”  You thought you’d grow old together; however, you realize that’s  never going to happen.  You two stood before friends and family and declared your love for one another while you promised “til death do us part”.  Well…  Honey, just let me say this, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, so stop blaming yourself.  Some people can just never be satisfied with one person.  They have a need to be in a relationship with multiple people for various reasons that’s far beyond my scope of understanding.  We could come up with many speculations, but in the end does it really matter.  You can’t make a person love you nor can you make them stay.  

Some people, when heartbroken, never love again (which, in my opinion, is such a tragedy) because they feel they can’t endure another heartbreak.  Then, there are those who go on to have other relationships, but are suspicious of every single thing; if their partner does anything out of the norm, they immediately freak out.  It’s not intentional and they try to “turn that feature off”, but aren’t always able to — at least not right away.  There are many times they have to talk themselves down, and take a deep breath as they realize this is not the person who broke their heart.  Unfortunately, sometimes, they destroy a perfectly good relationship by “looking” for things that don’t exist except for “in their minds”.

Below, I’ve listed some quotes that I thought were pretty interesting and on point:

Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. – Anonymous

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. – Anonymous

The hottest love has the coldest end. – Socrates

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. – Anonymous

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. – Anonymous

If you found this topic of interest, then tune in for Part II.

You’re not alone in your thoughts or feelings.  Others have experienced this before you and may be going through a similar situation currently.  Even though it doesn’t feel like it today, this too shall pass.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

For my male readers who can identify, as well — #YouGotItGoinOn

This translates into, #WeAllGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Deception:  The action of deceiving someone.  Deceit, duplicity, double-dealing, fraud, trickery.

Usually, I have a running list of topics, and there have been times when I’ve asked friends if they had a topic of interest, but for this week’s post I decided to do something a little differently.  I interviewed several men and women on what their thoughts were concerning “deception”, and boy, oh boy were the men on it.  They had so much to say.  In fact, I couldn’t write down their responses quick enough because they were firing them off one after another.  LOL!

As I thought about “deception”, the song entitled, “Smiling Faces Sometimes” by The Undisputed Truth, popped into my head.  I’ve separated the women’s and men’s responses, and find all of the answers quite fascinating.

WOMEN’S RESPONSES:

• Distrust
• Dishonesty
• Villanous like behavior
• Cheating
• Anything that began with the letters “DE” was bad
• Lies – period
• Eye opening experience from which a lesson is learned
• It’s real, so don’t be afraid of it
• Don’t crumble under the hand of deception because you will be triumphant and stronger in the end
• The person who deceived you, will watch you as you make a comeback
• Misrepresentation of yourself
• Making your partner jealous by having them believe you’re out with someone because you’ve gone off the radar (all because you want attention from them or are trying to keep them under subjection)

One woman commented that she’s dealt with deception in both her professional and personal life.  If she knows that she’s been fed a “bunch” of lies, she watches and pays close attention to the changes in body language (which is difficult to hide), and listens to the words coming out of people’s mouths.  Once she has the facts of the deception, she lets them know and there is absolutely no place for “wiggle” room.

MEN’S RESPONSES:

• When a woman knows that she is in a relationship and is asked if she is, and she responds “no”.  When asked if she has children, her response may be none or one although she has multiple children.  She fears the man may not want her or she’s going to lose out – deception.
• Betrayal
• You can lie to the end of the world, but you can’t lie your way back; the truth will always come out when you are being deceptive
• Lying on job applications or resumes and not being able to perform once you get the job
• One man said that he wanted to be honest that men were far more deceptive than women (I had to give him kudos for his honesty); they will do whatever it takes to get the woman they want
• Portraying yourself to be one thing but the complete opposite
• Being let down as a result of being deceived
• Finding yourself deep into the relationship only to find out that you and your partner aren’t on the same page because they “pretended” to be someone they were not
• Having a separate agenda (your partner only wanting you for what they can get  after promises of building a future together)
• Break or breach of trust

One of my male interviewees said that, as a man, you feel foolish, stupid and used when you discover that you were deceived.  He further went on to say that guys don’t have an outlet as women do.  He stated that women have each other’s shoulders to cry on but men can’t express their sense of loss; therefore, they drink or hang out at the bar to deal with their problems; men feel loss too.  He also felt that when there is a bad break up, one way in which some women are deceptive is that they use the child or children as a pawn (i.e., I’m not letting you see the kids) because the women know that will make you even more miserable.

He also went on to say that he feels most of the time society holds the man responsible by blaming them and asking the question, “What did you do”?  He said that sometimes women keep silent instead of speaking up in the man’s defense by simply stating that it wasn’t anything that he necessarily did wrong.  He said there are good guys who do the right thing and for, whatever reason the relationship goes south, they still get blamed for it.  He said that men get a bad wrap because when they leave, it is perceived that they’ve abandoned their families, including the children.

He shared that a man cries after a break up, but can’t share that because they are told to man up.  He said that men get angry and depressed too when a relationship ends.  He said there ought to be support groups for men, and friends should understand and allow them discuss their feelings and emotions.  Men have been taught to internalize things even when they shouldn’t have to.  He then got more personal by saying that when a past relationship ended, he walked away from a really nice house, even though his friends told him they wouldn’t have done that.  He said he needed a peace of mind and that was the only way it was going to happen for him.  He went on to say that he would be driving in his car with the radio on, and certain songs would trigger tearful emotions because it made him think about the relationship that ended.  He said that after being deceived, it is a journey to get back to yourself.  He was so “messed” up after this relationship that he wasn’t interested in being with any woman.  He said he would see a woman and think she was pretty, and then back off because he felt she would be a headache and he wasn’t going to take that chance; he was still hurting and couldn’t “trust” that this wouldn’t happen to him again.  However, one day he took a chance because he merely wanted companionship — someone to hang out with.  He’s glad he came out of his shell because what he discovered was the person he chose to hang out with had the same experience that he had, and they were able to work through their pain together.  She could finish his thoughts because she knew exactly how he felt.

Another one of the men commented that “Yes, men lie, cheat and steal, but women are more deceptive because they don’t get caught”.  He also stated that he has only caught his partner in a couple of lies.  My response to that was, “It’s probably because she’s actually not doing anything”.  He agreed, with a laugh.  Well, I’ll let some women weigh in on that topic at another time.  LOL!  

When women suspect their man is being deceptive, they go on a “witch hunt”, and become their own private detectives; they  will stop at nothing until they’ve uncovered the absolute truth (that is, until they grow up and realize this is not how they want to live their lives).

If you are deceiving family, friends, etc., just know that it’s not cool.  People have trusted you, and you’ve betrayed them, and FOR WHAT –– to make yourself feel good, to play games, to exact revenge?  Whatever your reason, please stop hurting people.  Some people even deceive themselves because they eventually believe all the lies they’ve been spewing out of their mouths or the lies they keep in their heads.  STOP!  You owe it to yourself to be honest as well.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and know that one person is not going to do it for you, be completely honest with your partner.  It’s a possibility you may lose them but it’s not fair that you take away their right to decide whether this is something they want to contend with.  On the other hand, some people may go along with it because they don’t want to be in a committed relationship. One thing for I know for sure, deception kills a relationship quick, fast, and in a hurry.  

Both men and women agree that DECEPTION HURTS!  Let’s try to do better.  Let’s “practice” honesty and loyalty.  Children stop deceiving your parents; parents stop deceiving your children.  Husbands stop deceiving your wives; wives stop deceiving your husbands.  Boyfriends stop deceiving your girlfriends; girlfriends stop deceiving your boyfriends.  Friends stop deceiving friends.  Okay, you get the point!

Always be fair.

Always be honest.

Before acting on an impulse or a whim, put yourself in someone else’s place — how would you feel.

#WeGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊