When love comes a knocking will you be able to recognize it or will you overlook it because you’re looking for something/someone else?
You meet someone who you think is really a great person. Things are going really well, and you’re into them; you’re “digging” them as they used to say back in the day. Then, you’re out and about and you meet someone else who appears a bit intriguing. Even though you’re happy with the person you’re with, it’s just something about this person that you want to get to know, and so you do. As you get to know them, you begin to find one reason after the other to not spend quite as much time with the person that you thought might be “the one” — the person that you initially couldn’t get enough of. Now, you’ve created a love triangle and are confused as to which one you is the best match for you. You continue down this path hoping never to get caught, but have already come up with a loop hole in your head — you’ve never made a commitment to either one, and that’s the argument you will use to save yourself. However, don’t you think it’s wrong? You’ve got two (could be more) wonderful people who are crazy about you, and think they’re the only one because that’s how you make them feel. Don’t you feel that’s just a wee bit selfish, and deceptive on your part? Why not tell both parties that you are not dating exclusively, and that you want to see other people. Let them decide if they want to stick around or not. It would certainly spare them heartache. When you’re not forthcoming, you take away their right. In my opinion, this is wrong.
If I’m dating to one person, I’m not talking to anyone else, even if we haven’t necessarily had that conversation. If I’m spending my time getting to know you and we’re constantly communicating, I don’t have time nor do I desire to have time for anyone else.
I’ve heard people say they prefer to date more than one person at a time because it gives them choices and that’s how they determine which one out of the multiple people they are talking to is “the one”. When you meet people, everyone is different. Maybe the one person you’re talking to is absolutely beautiful on the inside and out and that makes you a little uneasy because you feel threatened that perhaps they could never be into you; you’re insecure because you feel other people will be attracted to them as well. However, you really enjoy “kicking” it with them. They’re funny and engaging as well and, at the end of the day, you really enjoy them. Maybe, another one, might spoil you financially. There is still another one who is a great conversationalist; you can go to them if you have any sort of issue, and they always have a resolution and/or make you think, in other words, they challenge you. Now, how do you select from these three people? They’re all great, and bring something totally different to the relationship. You’re really confused, and have no idea what to do. Do you continue dating all of them until you eventually get caught? Or do you finally tell the other two that it’s been real, but it’s over?
For me, dating multiple people at once would not only be stressful, but would make me totally confused because I don’t believe there is just one perfect match. The reason is that each of the people would have something that I’m attracted to. There is no way that I could take the positives away from each of them and create one whole person. So, then, how do I decide? I can’t. I’d rather date one person at a time to see where it goes, but that’s just me. I would dare say that most of the time, as you’re getting to know the individual, you’ll know early on if that person has any real potential or not. It usually doesn’t take months, particularly, if you two are being completely honest with one another.
When I’m in a relationship, I’m pretty transparent about my thoughts, feelings, and past. Why should I bring a “representative,” when I can be myself? I don’t want anyone to get to know an “imposter,” but rather the real me. Everyone talks about the “honeymoon” phase when people are “pretending” to be the best of the best. I think people should be real, and honest — not fake, and I believe that the best relationships are built on friendships first. I made a huge mistake once of not being friends with the person that I was in a relationship with and it wound up a complete disaster.
I can’t knock anybody for how they arrive at choosing their perspective mate; however, I urge you to be honest with those you are dating and inform them that they aren’t the only ones so they won’t be devastated when, and if, you select someone else over them. I, personally, believe it’s just the right thing to do.
Maybe, you’re not caught in a love triangle but you find yourself confused about the person you’re in a relationship with. You have feelings for them, and whenever you two aren’t together, you can’t get them out of your head. However, for whatever reason, you’re unable to commit to them, even though you know you think they’d be perfect for you. Is it fear or are you holding out because you feel you might find someone better?
If you have genuine feelings for a someone, don’t be afraid to tell them. Let them in on your “secret”. Don’t keep them guessing or have them “assume”.
In my onion, honesty is always the best policy. If you lose the person you really want, you can’t blame anyone except yourself. I say go for what you want. I’m a romantic, so for me love is just that important. A good love story and seeing a couple ride off into the sunset together brings tears to my eyes, as I’m a softy when it comes to happy endings.
If you’re still waiting on love, it will come. Don’t sacrifice. Your knight in shining armor is right around the corner, but you have to be patient. In the meantime, do you. Don’t sit on your sofa watching TV and eating tons of snacks. Enjoy your life. Hang out with your friends, travel, go back to school or whatever it is that makes you happy because…
#GurlYouGotItGoinOn
Love ya,
Grace
P.S.: I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.” Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊
Grace Deveraux 