TRUST: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.
DISTRUST: Doubt the honesty or reliability of; regard with suspicion.
During the course of our lifetime, we have trusted and distrusted people. When we are growing up, we trust our parents implicitly. We trust them to feed, clothe, house, love, nurture, encourage and support us. We even trust that they will not just take care of our necessities but our desires as well. Also, we are confident that our parents will be there to catch us when we fall; therefore, we never doubt it and we believe in their ability to fix all of our mistakes as they kiss our “booboos” of life. This is the foundation of us learning to trust.
As we grow, we develop friendships and relationships with our peers — some turn out to be lifetime friends like the one that I have with my best friend (46 years and counting). Some friendships don’t work out because we outgrow them while others don’t work out because of the distrust factor; perhaps, we were lied to/lied on or stolen from or talked about, etc. Some of the hurt caused is like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut at the same time. The pain is devastating and, in some cases, earth shattering. This is the moment you begin to distrust nearly everyone and everything.
In one of my previous relationships, I “learned” how to distrust as I was on the receiving end of it time and time again. I was lied to about almost everything. The saying that the person is innocent until proven guilty definitely didn’t apply as this person was guilty until proven innocent, in my mind. Not a healthy way to live, right? I know. I found myself always looking for something, and would eventually find it. I just couldn’t leave it alone. It was almost like I was obsessed with finding the truth, and wouldn’t stop until I had uncovered it.
Recently, I almost lost one of my best friends because I allowed distrust to rear it’s ugly head in our relationship on multiple occasions, even though I never really had a reason not to trust.
We have to “learn” how to delete distrust out of our relationships/friendships if we have no concrete evidence the person is being untrustworthy. We shouldn’t bring past hurts into new friends and/or relationships because it “just ain’t cool (as I was told)”. What we don’t realize, at the time, is that we are hurting people (unintentionally) who haven’t inflicted any type of pain on us. We are subconsciously punishing them for what someone else did to us.
Now, we can’t control the thoughts that run across and through our minds, but we can master the art of kicking those thoughts out. Let me just say this, I’m not suggesting in any way, shape, form or fashion it’s going to be easy; however, it is possible. It will take much practice, and we’ll have to talk ourselves down off the ledge every time we have the urge to question a person’s honesty. Now, the flip side of that is, if someone is being dishonest, it will eventually come out in the wash, as the old folks used to say, or as the more current saying goes, “what’s done in the dark will come to the light”. No more needs to be said – I’m going to leave that right there.
I urge you to stop wasting time looking for things that are probably only a part of your imagination, but if you cannot find it within yourself to trust, you have to move on rather than frustrating people with your thoughts and insecurities.
Gurl, I know you’ve been hurt, but at what point do you let the healing begin? I’m here to tell you there is no time like the present.