How many times have we stayed in a friendship, relationship or job far too long?  It doesn’t matter if the situation is no longer ideal, it’s comfortable and it’s what we know and have become accustomed to, so we stay regardless of our inner thoughts screaming at us to get out — to leave.  We have “normalized” the relationship/friendship/place of employment in our minds because we are afraid of the unknown, which is perfectly normal.

There are times when we meet people and there is an immediate connection.  We expect to remain friends for life because things were going so well.  Then, one day, for whatever reason, the friendship slowly fades.  The communication slowly wanes.  Nothing out of the ordinary happened.  We didn’t have a disagreement.  We just outgrew the friendship or perhaps the relationship status changed because the person moved away.  People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime; I’m a firm believer of this as people have come into my life in all three of these phases.

Sadly, this also applies to family members.  There was a disagreement that put a rift in your relationship, and you were never able to get back on the same page.  Unfortunately, the kinship just couldn’t be mended.  One day things were going well, and the next it was like “poof, they disappeared without a trace”.  Maybe, you’ve tried to “fix” whatever became “broken”, but the other party or parties just prefer to leave it be.  This one really stings because no matter what, at the end of the day, you’re still family.

There were times that you knew you needed to move on from your place of employment, but you were comfortable.  You knew your job inside and out.  You were so good at it that you could perform it in your sleep.  You had developed great friendships with your coworkers, and was torn with the thought of leaving them.  However, things happened that put a fire underneath you because it was time for that chapter to end.

Maybe you were in a dead end relationship that you just couldn’t see your way out of.  You knew that it wasn’t healthy, but you stayed nonetheless — in fact, you overstayed.  You knew this person and even though they weren’t right for you, you felt it was better than starting over getting to know someone new or worse yet, being alone.  If you have kids, you might have convinced yourself that you stayed for them.  Conceivably, you may have even stayed for the finances because it’s easier to pay the bills when there are two incomes versus one.  However, if you were truly honest with yourself, you’d probably come up with the real reason you stayed – you were terrified to leave even though the relationship was sucking the life right out of you.  Bit by bit, you turned into someone that you didn’t even recognize as the stress brought out the worst in you.  Then, the day came when you finally had enough.  You wanted to get off the merry-go round or maybe you called it a rollercoaster ride.  No matter what you called it, you wanted it to stop and let you off.

Let me say this, don’t be so afraid to close the chapter that you stay stuck and end up being someplace or with someone that you shouldn’t be with because fear has you immobilized.  Make a plan, i.e., a list of things you need to do to close the chapter. Journal about how closing the chapter will impact your life in a positive way.  Talk to a trusted friend about what you’re thinking.  Pray about it.  Then, when, you’re able to mentally, physically, and emotionally close the chapter, don’t look back.  Because, in doing so, you’ll find yourself longing for what was and may find yourself going backwards.  Once you’re free stay free because you may never be able to summon up enough courage again.

“You have to accept that some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.  There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.”  

Absolutely!  When I read that, it hit home because how many times do we attempt to get closure, and almost “force” people to give us a reason for walking out on us.  I have to admit the “not knowing” hurts like the dickens because we want an explanation and feel we deserve one, and maybe we do.  However, if we don’t get one, we have to close the chapter ourselves!  It’s not worth the stress of trying to figure out what could have gone wrong and/or blaming ourselves for their departure.  Let them go!

I remember when I closed a chapter of my life. Even though I knew it was the best thing for me to do, I have to admit that the unknown was downright scary.  I moved forward, however, and it was the best decision I ever made in my life.  Did I know what the next chapter was going to hold?  Nope, but I’m loving this new chapter, which has brought about a lot of personal happiness, peace of mind, and freedom.  Has it been easy?  Absolutely not!  However, I’m not looking back, but moving forward.  One journey ended, but the start of the new journey has been great, and for the first time in forever, I’m excited.  I can’t wait to see where this path takes me.

I think this pretty much speaks for itself.  Let go!  Wait!  You deserve the best!  No, it’s not easy!  Pray for strength!  Be patient — your time will come!  Don’t get off course by looking at what you see or don’t see on the horizon.

Don’t continue to allow fear to prevent you from shutting the door and closing the chapter…It’s time to move on!

Always remember that, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace ❤️

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify, Anchor as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, videos and other “tidbits” are uploaded to my Instagram account, @Gracedeveraux, or my Facebook page, Grace Deveraux, each Friday afternoon.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Are we tuned into what our kids/grandkids are watching or being exposed to regularly?  I would venture to assume that most of us are, but every now and again something “sneaks” in subtly that we don’t catch.

Sometime, probably early 2019, my granddaughter mentioned something to her mom about “boys peeing outside” (she was 3 at the time).  When my daughter asked me about it, I asked, “What are you talking about.”  As she lives with me, I knew she hadn’t been exposed to anyone who would do such a thing, so I was extremely perplexed as to where that came from.  My granddaughter insisted that no one said that to her.  About a week or so later, she was watching a segment of Play Doh on her iPad and low and behold, guess what I saw — a boy “urinating” behind the trashcan.  I was shocked, quite honestly. because kids are watching this stuff and for the most part, we as parents, guardians or caregivers are unaware.  Play Doh is supposed to be innocent, right?  Wrong.  It’s not.   I’ve seen some rather disgusting, inappropriate segments that are out there for kids to watch that left me with my mouth hanging wide open.  If we aren’t paying attention they are being exposed, at a young age, to things that we don’t want them to know about as yet.  I just had to shake my head.  Needless to say, my granddaughter rarely watches that now — actually, she rarely asks to watch it now as there are a lot of more “kid” friendly things for her to watch.

Now, let’s move on to dolls.  They are cute and fun to play with as the kids dress and undress them, mess up their hair, etc. all the while creating happiness for themselves.  My granddaughter wanted an LOL doll for Christmas, so her mom and aunt made sure she got her wish.  I didn’t know anything about them other than that’s what she kept talking about.  It’s called LOL Surprise, so you don’t know which doll you’re getting until you open it, hence it’s a surprise.  Well, right after Christmas people were talking about the boy dolls being, get this, “anatomically correct”.  What the what!!!!????  Can you imagine the horror when you see your child tear open the package and there is a…From what I’ve read, parents are divided on this subject matter.  Some think it’s okay, because boys are “different” from girls, while there are those of us who don’t want to have a conversations with our young kids about the differences as yet.  MGA Entertainment says that it’s a surprise and they stand by their product.  Per them, the packaging and website says that the boy dolls are anatomically correct.  Well, I’m sure most, if most people are like me, they don’t read the packaging or visit websites.  The kids ask for it, and they purchase it to make them happy; they want to see the smiles on their little faces.

I did some research, and this is what I found:  Isaac Larian, CEO and founder of MGA Entertainment, told The New York Post that, “all of our LOL Surprise boy dolls have been (and will continue to be) anatomically correct…. boys are anatomically correct.  After all, human beings are naturally and anatomically correct.”

Well, that’s a definite no for me!  My granddaughter will not have the boy dolls — end of discussion…

In today’s time, I admonish you to be aware of what your kids are watching and listening to, and playing with for that matter.  What should be deemed as kid friendly and innocent just might have some inappropriate things thrown in ever so subtly.

No, we can’t shield our children from everything and there are those things that we shouldn’t keep them from because we don’t want them to go out into the world unawares; however, we need to monitor them to keep them safe from those who would seek to “open their eyes” too soon.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace ❤️

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify, Anchor as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, videos and other “tidbits” are uploaded to my Instagram account, @Gracedeveraux, or my Facebook page, Grace Deveraux, each Friday afternoon.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Recently, I had to call the courier service that we use at my place of employment.  The delivery address is one that we don’t often use, so I was surprised when he came up with the correct information.  He then told me it was because he had “cheated,” and that my coworker had used the address when I worked out of our other site.  I told him it was okay to “cheat”.  Then, I thought about it said, “It’s okay to “cheat in this instance”.  He laughed because he knew exactly what I meant.

The reality is that people cheat — they cheat the system, they cheat their place of employment, they cheat on their spouses or significant others, etc.  What is it about us “mere humans” that drives us to cheat?  Honestly, I have no idea.  There’s a saying that goes like this, “Winners never cheat and cheaters never win”.  In my opinion, I think that about sums it up.  

CHEAT:  TO INFLUENCE OR LEAD BY DECEIT, TRICK OR ARTIFICE.  

When you cheat, you have to lie to cover your tracks; therefore, lying and cheating go  hand in hand — hence, deceit.   Sometimes, people think they are getting away with their deception, so they continue down that path.  I remember when I was in my early 20’s, and I was listening to this radio broadcast show.  The topic was infidelity.  There was a man who “boldly” declared that he had been cheating on his wife for nineteen years, and actually “thought” she had no clue.  He was rather proud of it too.  I didn’t finish listening because I was so ticked off – #1 that he was cheating, and #2 that he was declaring it before the world as if it was some wonderful feat that he had accomplished.  I have no idea what the broadcasters response was, so I can’t state that here.  What he didn’t know is that his wife wasn’t blinded by his “slickness”, she just chose to ignore it and looked the other way for whatever her reasons were.  There is no way that he could have been that good or deceptive that that it rendered her obvious to his goings on.

Then, there is a group of  cheaters who claim their partners are cheating to deflect the dirt that they are doing off themselves.  Honestly, I had this happen to me in the past.  The person I was with said I had been cheating for years, and lied on me to anyone who would listen.  I couldn’t believe it and was angrier then a wet hornet when it first happened.  You see, this was a double slap in the face because not only were they hurting me by cheating, they also hurt me by lying on me.  How dare he do such a horrible thing?  I don’t know about you, but for me integrity means a lot and it’s something I work hard at.  I’m not perfect, but there are some things that I absolutely refuse to do.

We all know that, cheating has been going on since the beginning of time.  I think, at one point, the consensus was that only men cheated; however, that’s not true because women cheat as well.  In my mind, cheating just never made sense.  I didn’t want to have to sneak around and hide.  I didn’t want to have to try and remember what conversations I had with which person or accidentally call someone by an incorrect name.  If you have someone that you really care about why risk it all?  Why risk hurting them to the point that they’re left feeling absolutely devastated and worthless?  If you’re done with the relationship, just say so and move on.  Sure your partner will be hurt, but they will be hurt more in the long run by your philandering ways.

Cheating breaks trust and sometimes it’s irreversible.  When you cheat on your partner, they are then on high alert and are constantly looking for something out of the ordinary.  They search everything and everywhere looking for evidence to prove that you are still lying to them.  When they call you on it, you still lie to their faces as your nose grows longer and longer.  I used to tell the person who cheated on me that there was no sense in lying because if I came to you with something believe that I could prove my case because I wasn’t the type to just pull a rabbit out of the hat.  Guess what?  They still lied 😔.

Before you cross the threshold of cheating and hurting everyone involved, talk to your partner about whatever issues you two may be experiencing.  If necessary, go to couples counseling.  If none of those things work and you two are unable to repair the relationship, then and only then should you even consider getting with someone else.

Ask yourself this question, “If my partner cheated on me, how would I feel?”  Just some food for thought…

Be Open

Be Honest

Always, Always Communicate –

(can’t stress this enough)

Love ya,

Grace ❤️

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify, Anchor as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, videos and other “tidbits” are uploaded to my Instagram account, @Gracedeveraux, or my Facebook page, Grace Deveraux, each Friday afternoon.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

I worked on this post for roughly two weeks because I had so much going on.  I almost gave up on this topic, but a conversation with someone and, unbeknownst to them at the time, it WAS CONFIRMED the topic that I was to write about — nothing like having confirmation.

Learn to love and embrace the skin you’re in.  I did and, certainly, you can too.  Regardless of whether you’re tall, short, thin, “pleasingly” plump, no matter your nationality, societal status, skin color, etc.  LOVE YOU AND EMBRACE, ALL OF YOU — after all, it’s the only you that you’ll ever have.  

Let’s face it, oftentimes, we, as women, don’t always feel like we measure up — we don’t feel pretty enough; we don’t feel thin enough or curvy enough; we don’t feel smart enough — the list could go on and on.  As a result of our of negative thoughts and feelings, we are suffer inside and wish we could be anyone except ourselves.  How do I know, you ask?  I used to be that woman.  I hated every single thing about myself from the crown of my head to the very tips of my toes, and no matter how I dressed up the outside, and “painted” on my happy face, deep down inside I was wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing.  Pretty sad, I know, but that was my “secret” reality for many, many years.  

You see, somewhere along the line I was told that I wasn’t good enough, that I’d never amount to anything and that I wasn’t attractive enough and, unfortunately, I believed it for most of my life.  Can you imagine someone saying these things to you and about you?  I was absolutely devastated, but I kept all of my hurt bottled up on the inside.  Because of this, I always compared myself to other women.  Everyday, I was completely and utterable miserable. I was envious of what I perceived those women to have because of what I “thought” I lacked.  Honestly, my self-esteem was so low that it couldn’t have gotten any lower.  What I didn’t realize at the time was there was nothing wrong with me.  Sure I had my issues, but who doesn’t?  I had allowed people’s negative views of me into my mind, and whatever they thought of me is who I became.

As a result of feeling lower than low, I made some very poor choices and was depressed for a good portion of my life.  However, no one knew how I felt except for God and me.  To the world, the outer person looked perfectly fine, but the inner girl was in constant turmoil as she dealt with all the hurt and pain that was imposed upon her as well as self-inflicted pain.  Someone probably looked at me and thought I  had it going on; however, they had no clue of my daily struggles.  That’s why it’s never, ever a good idea to want to be anyone except who you are — who you were destined to be.  I’m a prime example of just because a person appears to be okay doesn’t necessarily mean they are.

If you don’t love the skin you’re in, ask yourself why.  Was it a result of your upbringing?  Was it the result of a relationship gone bad?  Is it because you looked in the mirror and saw the flaws that make you unique, and wished you could erase them?  Let me say this, you are divinely created.  Mediate on that for a minute or two.

I’m so glad that I no longer travel that road of absolutely despising myself and feeling like I didn’t matter.  Over the years, I gradually began to realize who I was and what I was worth, and was able to put the pieces of the puzzle of my life together; however, not without many tears and much prayer.  The funny thing is that I can’t even tell you when it all changed.  It’s like one day, I woke up and all of those negative, derogatory feelings about myself disappeared.  The girl who didn’t know her self-worth and that had been tragically scarred by some of the people that she trusted to love and care for her was gone; she suddenly no longer existed.  No more did I have to masquerade around as though I was this secure woman because I actually become that woman.  I felt myself starting to stand up a little taller as my insecurities started to drop off one by one.  Every now and again, insecurities come a knocking for one reason or another; however, during those moments, I get to myself so that I can process what’s going on in my head.  Sometimes, I might talk to one or two of the people in my inner circle.  After that, I get up, dust myself off, pray, and say, “Girl, you got this,” and just like that, I feel so much better.  Gone are the days of wishing I were someone else.  Today, I can’t fathom being anyone else except me — no matter if she’s prettier, has a banging body, longer hair, flawless skin, abs for days or whatever — I LOVE ME and you can love yourself as well.  I’m not going to tell you that you’ll reach that point in your life over night because  you have to learn to shed those negative thoughts and feelings by replacing them with positive affirmation.

Today, if there is someone in your life who is making you feel down about yourself, extract them immediately!  They have no right to tear you down and, therefore, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life.  Who cares what they think anyway?  What I’m learning is that people who are insecure about who they are will belittle you in an attempt to feel better about themselves.  Don’t allow them to do that — take your power back!

You are somebody special no matter

what you’ve been told.  

Feel it.  

Walk in it.  

Believe it.

We are not FLAWLESS.  

We are not PERFECT.  

However, WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace ❤️

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify, Anchor as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, videos and other “tidbits” are uploaded to my Instagram account, @Gracedeveraux, or my Facebook page, Grace Deveraux, each Friday afternoon.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

How many times have you been hurt by someone, and you were able to forgive them?  Sometimes, the friendship or relationship was able to weather the storm, and sometimes it wasn’t because the devastation of it was just too great.  Sadly, the relationship had come to an end.

There were also times wherein you hurt someone.  You sincerely apologized because you felt just awful.  You talked it out with the offending party, and they absolutely forgave you.  The thing is, you couldn’t forgive yourself, try as you might.  You constantly beat yourself up about it.  Every single time you see them, you can’t seem to relax because you thought that, perhaps, they were still thinking about it, even though they treated you normally and had actually gotten over it.  The unforgiveness that you had for yourself loomed over the relationship like a black cloud that seemed to follow you everywhere.  The fact of the matter is that, when we hurt someone, we should feel bad; however, we shouldn’t carry it around with us forever, particularly, if we’ve apologized.  The flip side of the coin is that sometimes people don’t forgive you because they just can’t find it in their hearts to do so, and we have to respect that.  You have apologized and there’s nothing more that you can do except allow them to have their space as they deal with the hurt; however, learn from what you’ve done to cause the pain.  There are times, we say things to people out of anger but, when we come to ourselves, we realize we’ve gone too far.  One of my favorite sayings is, “It’s not what you say but how you say it.”  One of the Elder’s at my church said last Sunday, “sometimes we need a little sweetness on our tongues when we talk to people.”  Boy, was she correct in saying that.

I can’t speak for you, but I can say that I’m toughest on the people that I love the most because I expect so much more out of them and, sometimes, I go too far.  Sometimes, we think we’re helping people and say things that we hope will trigger them to think about their negative behaviors only to discover later we cut them to shreds.  We don’t really mean any harm but we are hoping to give them a wake up call.

Perhaps, the person you hurt passed before you got a chance to tell them just how sorry you were or that you didn’t really mean it, and you’re torturing yourself every chance you get because you were never able to apologize.  Maybe, you gave your parents what we older folks call “a run for their money” in your youth, and feel it’s the cause of their health problems today.  Perhaps, you cheated on a spouse or boyfriend, which not only destroyed the trust, but your relationship as well.  Maybe you couldn’t get your life together enough to raise your child and he or she had to be taken away from you, and you’re left everyday wondering if they are being treated well.  There are so many other ways that we hurt people; however, I’ve only listed a few.  I could certainly fathom how one would feel just awful and absolutely refuse to forgive themselves.  The reality of it is, none of our hands are clean.  We’ve all hurt someone at some time or another.  However, it’s time to forgive ourselves.  Why continue to let the guilt of “yesterday” haunt us year after year?  Yes, we’ve hurt someone and, perhaps, pretty badly.  The remorse of the hurt we’ve caused can leave us with many sleepless nights, and have us  totally stressed out as we deal with it day in and day out.   The truth of the matter is that if I could go back and undo some of the things I’ve said or done, I would; unfortunately, that’s just not possible.

Wouldn’t you like to know for just once what it would feel like to be free — completely free?  Today, I want you to tell yourself, “I forgive you” and totally mean it.  Wrap your arms around yourself and have a good cry, if necessary.  Forgiving yourself is a process, so don’t expect it to happen overnight.  However, if you want deliverance, you have to find a way to get beyond your feelings of shame.

The sad truth is that we have all hurt people at some point in our lives (most of the time it’s unintentional); however…

The power of forgiveness can break the chains that are holding you captive.

• You’re human.

• You will make mistakes.

• Today is the day to make peace with yourself.

• It’s TIME TO LET IT GO!

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify, Anchor as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, videos and other “tidbits” are uploaded to my Instagram account, @Gracedeveraux, or my Facebook page, Grace Deveraux, each Friday afternoon.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Your mind — that is.

I can honestly admit that I have an extremely overactive mind and imagination and, there are days that my feelings and emotions WERE all over the place.  In speaking with other women, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who HAD this issue.  When my best friend shared this on Facebook, “Train your mind to be stronger than your feelings”, I knew I had to write about it.  The funny thing is before I could begin my blog, I saw it posted again by another one of my FaceBook friends.  Wow!  Talk about confirmation.

Let me start off by saying that it’s great to be in touch with our emotions and feelings but the truth of the matter is that we, as women, let our imaginations drive us straight down the steep hill without our seatbelts on to protect us; thereby, making a complete “train wreck”  as we are ejected from our seats.  When we are in such an emotional state, we can’t think clearly and often jump to conclusions because we haven’t thought it through — we haven’t processed it to see if it’s our own “wild” imagination or if there is, indeed, any is any validity to it at all.  I could write a book alone on how I have, in the past, allowed by emotions to govern my mind, but no more!

Why is it that some assume the worse in every situation?  Why can’t the situation be just what it is?  Why does more have to be read into it?  Those are questions to truly reflect upon.  Unfortunately, I can’t answer those questions for you.  However, I can give my thoughts on it:

1. Distrust.
2. Low self esteem.
3. Insecurity.
4. Uncertainty.

Perhaps, you can come up with your own views on the matter.  At the end of the day, this shouldn’t be how you want to live your life.  You have to find a way to turn that mechanism off because it is extremely unhealthy and can (and probably have) a lot of disruption in your daily life.

1.  Recognize you have a problem:

2.  Don’t hate yourself for it:

3.  Breathe deeply:

4.  Talk less:

5.  Practice meditation:

6.  Get outside:

This article entitled, “Train Your Mind” was taken from Higher Perspective website.

For those of us who are over thinkers, we’re not bad people but are just “wired” a little differently and have to find a way to turn off, shut down and unplug, which isn’t always easy for us.  We have to find a work around.  Sometimes, talking to a family member or friend can be a way to bring you out of that negative mindset.  They can “talk you down,” so to speak.  If you know someone who is struggling with “overthinking”, throw out the lifeline.  Whatever you do, please “don’t let them self-destruct.”

For those of you who may not be able to turn off this feature in your mind no matter what you’ve tried, perhaps, you might want to seek talk therapy.  I know some people are opposed to it because they don’t want to “let people into their business.“  Trust me, I get it.  However, there are some very good therapists around.  If that still doesn’t help, maybe your doctor might prescribe medication for when you’re feeling extremely anxious.  Be completely honest with your doctor and don’t be ashamed.  The only way to get the proper help is by opening up about what you’re struggling with.  I understand that some are opposed to taking medication of any kind, so I will tread lightly here.  However, my stance is would you rather contend with “wild thoughts” every day of your life or would you like to have them managed, so that your mind can relax and stop the constant racing?

There were times when I would talk to my sister about some of my “far out thinking,” and she would almost scream at me “JUST STOP.”  There were times that one of may best friends would have to “talk me down as well.”  When you allow your mind to runaway with you, honestly, you can’t fully enjoy life because you’re always wondering what’s going to happen around the corner, and you think, think, think way too much!

Working through it all is definitely a process and it doesn’t happen overnight; however, as the old saying goes “practice makes perfect.”  It’s a struggle.  As my co-pastor said, in a conversation I had with him, “eventually, the light bulb will come on.”  Perhaps, it’s flickering right now, but it will “eventually turn on.”  Just hang in there.  You will have your “aha” moment, and then decide that you’re going to overcome your “mind racing behaviors.”

The last thing I want to leave you with is that overthinking can “hinder” friendships, relationships, and actually stunts your growth.  Learn to “LET IT GO!”

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify, Anchor as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, videos and other “tidbits” are uploaded to my Instagram account, @Gracedeveraux, or my Facebook page, Grace Deveraux, each Friday afternoon.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it’s already 2020?  Where did 2019 go, and why does it seem like it went by at the speed of lightening?  As I reflect on the past year, I’ve had some good moments, some not so good moments, and some downright bad moments — in other words, I experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I’ve had some chapters in my life closed, and some new chapters open.

People have said they couldn’t wait for 2019 to end and were eagerly anticipating 2020 because they felt it would be a much better year, certainly far better than the turbulence experienced in 2019.  I’ve seen numerous posts across the various platforms of social media wherein everyone was claiming 2020 to be “their year,” and “desperately” clinging onto every shred of hope they could muster up.  As I was leaving work the day before New Year’s Eve, one of the gentleman, who works in Environmental Services, said to me in response to me wishing him a Happy New Year, “I sure hope next year is better.”  I replied, “Me too.”  For some, 2019 was a really catastrophic year; therefore, they couldn’t wait to “slam the door shut” and run (not walk) into the New Year as they held on to some semblance of expectation that there would be a brighter tomorrow.

We all wish that the New Year will bring us nothing but pure happiness, delight, and joy, but let’s face it, it’s not always in the “cards.”  There are people whose lives have already been struck with tragedy, and I’m sure they are saying anything but Happy New Year.  In fact, they’re probably saying what’s so happy about it?  Trust me, I get it.

This will be the best year for some as everything they touch will seemingly turn into gold; they will be in the best of health, be financially stable, get that promotion, etc.  However, other’s will have the absolute worse, tempestuous year ever as they are shaken to their very core by situations that will knock the “wind out of their sail.”  The truth of the matter is that none of us knows what life has in store for us although we all pray for the best.

While most of the world celebrated seeing the beginning of a New Year, there are those who didn’t make it because they passed before the year ended.  I’ve never heard of so many deaths as I have in December 2019.  I received numerous texts and phone calls as well as read about people’s passing on social media.  Some deaths were a total shock while others were anticipated due to illness.

My oldest paternal aunt died in December, a few days after celebrating her 88th birthday.  My 4-year-old granddaughter, who doesn’t really comprehend death and dying (nor do I expect her to),  said to me several days ago, “I’m mad and angry that Aunt Jeanette died.”  Those were her true feelings because the one thing she understood was that she would never see her great, great aunt again.  The reality of it is death is difficult for everyone, no matter the age, because we know it’s “final.”  Jordyn-Marie expressed her grief by saying that she was angry, but everyone handles grief differently, and no one can or should ever tell you how to grieve or how long the grieving process should take.  Some of you may have never had a chance to say goodbye because your loved one passed unexpectedly, and you are not only shocked but devastated as you face your days in total disbelief.  For those of you who had an argument for which you never made amends, stop beating yourself up about it and quit living on “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda Boulevard.  Give yourself a break; you’re human and make mistakes, as we all do.  Maybe you’re one of the people who think had you been there you could have stopped their death.  The reality of it is, no you couldn’t have.  Perhaps, you were the caretaker for your loved one and you had to make the decision to place them in a nursing home where they passed. You’re left with feeling guilty because you felt like you could have changed the outcome. You did what was needed for your loved one. As much as we don’t like to talk about death, sadly, we must all face it at one point or another.  Even if your loved one was expected to pass, it doesn’t make it any easier for you to process.  The passing of those we love is one of the most difficult things in life that we will ever have to endure. If you find that you’re having an extremely difficult time processing and coming to terms with your loss, you might consider grief counseling. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed should you need to seek this service; they are there for you and perhaps you may find it easier sharing your true feelings with a counselor as opposed to a family member or friend. Having said that, the counselors can’t make your pain go away but they can help you process and begin to heal.

As we go into 2020, let’s embrace our friends and family by loving on them because life really is short; we are only here for a mere moment.  Don’t wait until they’re gone to express your feelings; tell them while they can hear you, show them while they can appreciate it.  While you’re at it, don’t be afraid to use the words “I LOVE YOU” every now and again.

Yes, we’re all hoping and praying that 2020 will be a better year than the previous one, but in the event we are faced with some turbulence, let’s be sure to brace ourselves and hold on.  No matter what don’t let go.  As difficult as it may be, we will get through our storm(s).  I pray that you will be encouraged and strengthened in 2020.

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

I want to leave you with this — it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to feel as you work to process your pain…

While working on this post several days ago, I accidentally knocked my cup of coffee over and it fell into my laptop, which died.  Then, my desktop, keyboard, and mouse didn’t want to cooperate and couldn’t seem to get in sync with one another.  I’m glad I persevered and didn’t give up because, during the conversation that I had with my cousin today, it was confirmed this was the topic I was to write about.

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

When I moved into my apartment two years ago, I had to purchase all new everything with the exception of some smaller items that I had stored in my best friends attic.  IKEA was one of my best friends because I could get everything reasonably priced.  However, everything needed to be put together.  I purchased my dining room table from FaceBook Marketplace, which was a really great find.  Then, I just had to have an electric fireplace, which I purchased through QVC (monthly installments, sweet!).  Prior to moving in, I came up with this grand idea that I wanted my kitchen appliances, Keurig, and table ornaments red and purchased red table mats, red balls to go into my silver tray, and red chair mats.  However, I later decided to have a theme each month, which has been quite a bit of fun.  For me, it’s nothing like walking into my dining area, and seeing a different setting from month to month.

I have various colored chair cushions, plates, mugs, glasses, napkins silverware, vases, flowers, bows, etc.  I bought items from Amazon, AC Moore, and even the dollar store.  I learned to mix and match the items after accumulating enough.  Sometimes, I would have two different colored chair cushions or I’d use the different vases with flowers or stones.  Believe it or not, my Dollar Store finds weren’t bad and, unless you looked really closely, you would never know.  AC Moore is notorious for their coupons, and I would wait until I had a pretty decent one to shop.  I even got a few items from the thrift store at my place of employment.  My point is, everything doesn’t have to be expensive.  You just have to know how and where to shop for the best deals.

I love seat cushions because I think they add flare and a pop of color to my wooden chocolate colored chairs.  However, I refuse to pay an exorbitant amount of money; therefore, I do some comparative pricing before making my purchase.  You can get some good prices on Amazon, but I also saw seat cushions at Walmart for $5.00 each although they are limited in their selection of colors (this was in the store, not sure about online).  I have also gotten chair cushions from the Dollar Store but they were primarily just for decoration as they were extremely thin, but what do you expect to get for $1.00 anyway?

Since we are in the Christmas season, I thought I’d share some of ways that I decorated my dining table — all on a budget…

As you can see, I’ve paired my decorations with different things for each year with the exception of the red chair cushions.  To get the most out of your decorations, try mixing and matching.  Not only will you feel like you’ve gotten your money’s worth, but also like your “old stuff” is “new.“

I’m sharing this short video clip of the rocking Santa because it’s my granddaughters absolute favorite.  According to her, this is what I sound like when I’m sleeping.  I certainly hope not.  LOL!

Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Why break the bank when you can decorate on a budget?

Start with an idea, and build from there.

Remember, always shop around for the best prices.

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

These is how I felt on days that I just couldn’t seem to stop eating…

Don’t you just hate it when people look at you non-discretely because you’re a little on the heavy side?  You see them and either they are unaware of the look they’re giving you or they simply don’t care.  Either way, it still hurts.

We’ve all seen people at the Smorgasbord (all you can eat restaurants), and wonder how they can consume so much food.  Heaven forbid if they are really on the larger side, then they get the side eye.  People ask “Why are they here, and how can they eat like that?”  I’m ashamed to admit that I used think the same thing in my younger days — that is, until I matured.  The reality of it is we don’t know what drives people to eat the way they do, so we really shouldn’t judge them.  Is it healthy to be overweight?  Of course not!  We all know that.  Being ample brings on a string of health related illnesses — some we can control if we lose weight, and for others we have to take daily medication to manage our disorder(s).

At one point, I weighed 206.4 pounds, and was told by my doctor that I was obese.  That was the first time someone had said that to me.  I was like, “Whoa, what is she talking about?” I thought to myself, “I’m not anywhere close to being obese“.  Chunky, yes — obese, definitely not!  I later came to realize that I had packed on the pounds because of the stressors in my life.  Food was my comfort — the only thing I could control and didn’t have to share with anyone else (except for when my son used to help me eat the snacks that I had bought for myself; I didn’t ask him to nor did I want him to — they were for me and me alone).  The funny thing is that when I was younger and weighed only 115 pounds, I couldn’t eat when I was stressed; thereby, losing weight when I couldn’t afford to because it left me pure skin and bones.

When I was a teenager and into my 20s, I desperately wanted to gain weight.  I ate and ate and ate and ate some more, but was still as thin as a rail — that is, until I reached the age of 30.  I had finally reached a weight that I was pleased with.  However, by the time, I reached 40, I had started to really put on weight.  Although I knew what the numbers on my scale read, I didn’t realize exactly how much weight I had actually gained until I looked at photos.  I couldn’t believe that was really me.  However, that wasn’t enough to make me change my ways.   I continued to eat and just bought larger sized clothing, and completely ignored the fact that I needed to do something.  I couldn’t bring myself to stop my out of control eating habits; therefore, I continued on a downward spiral.

After years of eating and a pretty sedentary lifestyle, I decided to do something and managed to lose 27 pounds, and finally felt pretty good about myself.  However, I allowed my stressors to control my bad eating habits again, and gained most of the weight back.  The next time I attempted weight loss it was extremely difficult because I was going through menopause.  Due to this fact, it was virtually impossible to shed a pound without adding exercise to my daily regimen although I had cut back on my eating.  Do I have a number of stressors in my life now?  Heck yeah, but I can’t allow them to drive me back to overeating.

We consume tons of food on a regular basis (let’s face it, for a good majority of us, what we eat is unhealthy).  Some have become fast food junkies because you don’t have time to cook or are just too tired after a day’s work.   You have convinced yourself that it’s so much easier just to pick up something on the go, so that you can go home and relax a little before you start your daily routine again the next day, all the while failing to take time for yourselves.

Some people are extremely disciplined, and are able to diet by eating what is called clean food.  If I had to diet, I would literally die.  Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration and is certainly overkill, but you get my point.  I’m not that disciplined, so I don’t deprive myself of anything that I want to eat — I just eat less of it.  What I have learned is not to set myself up for failure by setting unrealistic expectations (so no dieting for me).  I’ll admit that I have cut out sodas for the most part, only having one or two or three on rare occasion, but then I have to detox because soda is sooooo good but loaded with lots of sugar and calories.  I’ll have my calories in my food, thank you very much.  LOL!

Unfortunately, a lot of our unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise precipitates various illnesses, including high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity, and yes even hair loss (this topic will be covered in a later blog).  Some have developed joint pain (bad knees, back and/or hips) as a result of carrying too much weight on their frames.  Ouch!

Several months ago, my 4-year-old granddaughter touched my stomach.  I said to her, “I’ve got to lose it”.  Her response was, “No, I like the fat”.  LOL!  She has since changed her tune.  Recently, she rubbed my stomach and said there was a baby in there.  Okay.  I guess kids do say the “darnedest” things!  However, that was not funny at all! After her comment, I know that I need to stop playing and do something.  I have to take my life back and be more committed.  I have to make the time.  Thankfully for me, my place of employment started a walk/run challenge a few weeks ago, and I try and be devoted to walking and running a little five days a week.  I’m down several pounds, my knee is getting stronger (from a previous knee injury), and I’m able to get into a dress that I couldn’t even think about wearing (the pockets sit out a little, but give me a few more weeks).

As we close out the month of October, Thanksgiving and Christmas are quickly approaching.  Now, these two holidays are my biggest weakness because I love all of the food associated with them.  I’m going to have to exercise wisdom and good judgement so as not to overindulge in all of my favorite foods.  Food, I hear you calling me, but I’m not listening.  “Lalalalala!”  My menu usually consists of macaroni and cheese (no less than four or five different types of cheeses; my kids wouldn’t let me live it down if I didn’t fix this because it’s their absolute favorite), fresh greens cooked in the crockpot with hammocks (yummy), sauerkraut with pigtails (love it), sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top (I want some now), fried chicken or turkey, and roast beef or spare ribs.  Oh, and how can I forget cranberry sauce and rolls.  Some of this is unhealthy, and you may be asking yourselves, “Does she really eat that?”  The answer is, “Yes, I do”.  I’m salivating right now just thinking about it.  Sooooooo, this year, I’m determined that I will not allow my eyes to be bigger than my stomach (although I must admit that’s pretty big; one of my friends calls it a “booty do” and that means that your stomach sticks out more than your “booty do”; I know, I know, gotta do something about that).  I will decide which holiday to go all out for and scale back on the other one.  Boy, is that going to be tough.  These two holidays are not just tough for me for a number of people as we are exposed to cookies, cakes, pies, egg nog, and all of the delicious foods.  It’s extremely difficult to resist these temptations.  We can enjoy them all, but we have to remember that moderation is key.

For those of you who exercise portion control and discipline, I really do applaud you.  You
have control over your life, and told the food that you’re in the drivers seat.  I do ask one thing of you, however, and that is that you be patient with those who aren’t quite there yet.  Please don’t judge people’s poor habits.  For some, it’s extremely difficult.  So rather than looking at them with disgust and asking, “Are you really going to eat that,” maybe you could say “I make a mean (whatever your healthy dish is), I’ll let you try it the next time I prepare some.”

Ladies (and gents), portion control does indeed play a huge role — but let me just say for those of us who are in this struggle — it ain’t easy; however, it’s not impossible.  Take one day at a time.  If you fall off the wagon, don’t stay off — get back on.  Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up about it and wind up throwing your hands up in the air in defeat.  You can do it!  You got this!  We got this!

Why wait until the New Year to start working on the “new” you?

You can start now and get ahead of the game.

Start off slow.

Then, gain momentum as you become stronger and more disciplined.

My heaviest weight in 2014…

2014

These photos are from 2014 when I was at my heaviest weight.

These photos are all from 2019; however, the weight is from 10/31/19.

Halloween – 2014 vs. 2019

As I look at the photos that I’ve posted, I realize just how much of a journey it has been for me these past years to lose the weight, and try to keep it off.  I imagine I’ll be in this struggle for the rest of my days because I love food.  However, I can’t and won’t give up.  I’ve come too far — no matter if I should fall off the wagon from time to time.

P.S.:  By the way, if you have a recipe that you’re just dying to share with the world, please forward it to me at grace.deveraux@yahoo.com so that it can be featured in one of my upcoming blogs sometime between the beginning of November and the New Year.

P.S.S.:  If you have a topic that you would like to see posted, please contact me at grace.deveraux@yahoo.com.

Always remember, GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊

Communication doesn’t just exist between a husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend or friends, but it exists in every facet of our lives.  We use the art of communication daily no matter the relationship (children, coworkers, etc.).

Can you read my mind?  Absolutely not!  How many times have we gotten upset with someone when they didn’t do something we desired of them, but we never communicated our requests with them to in the first place.  Perhaps, we figured our thoughts were being transmitted telepathically.  Really?  The poor unsuspecting person had no idea why you were so ticked off with them as they scratched their heads in the wonder of it all, which is totally unfair to them.

Sometimes, you are attempting to communicate; however, it is very apparent that the other party is either distracted or clearly not interested in anything you have to say.  When my sister and I were growing up, it seemed like whenever I opened a book to read, she wanted to communicate about one thing or another.  Because I loved to read, I really wasn’t listening.  I figured out a way to say, “Uh, huh” at the right time; however, she caught on that I wasn’t really listening and would quiz me on what she had said by asking me to repeat it.  Of course, I was unable to do so.  It hurt her feelings, so I learned to listen and communicate with her.

Have you ever met someone that it’s virtually impossible to communicate with because they misconstrue everything you say?  Now, that’s a topic that I could write a book about.  There was someone that I couldn’t communicate with to save my life.  We’d start off talking, and then it would inevitably turn into a full blown argument.  Why, you may ask?  They didn’t really hear what I was saying, but rather made it about them and didn’t really care about my thoughts or feelings.  Of course, that didn’t fly with me; therefore, we didn’t have much of anything that we could communicate with one another.

Some people like to communicate when they are angry.  Let me just tell you, if you haven’t already figured it out, that’s not the right time because things are often said in the heat of the moment that you can’t take back.  Feelings are hurt and, even though you apologize, the wound is there.  I’m the type that needs to walk away to cool down if things really get out of whack.  You have to know yourself and what you can or cannot handle.  It’s okay to excuse yourself and say, “Can we discuss this later because right now I’m pretty angry and I need to calm down and process?”.  Now, the person may be willing to do that or they may just be determined to continue down the path where no one wins or hears each other.  I remember the time when I first realized that I needed to walk away from an argument, so that things didn’t get ugly.  The person followed me into the next room before I had a chance to get it together.  Unfortunately, it didn’t work out too well because I was extremely angry and all sorts of words spewed out of my mouth.  What I said was true; however, I would have been able to effectively communicate my true feelings a lot better in a much calmer fashion had I been given the opportunity to cool off.

There was a time in my life that I didn’t think I had a voice, so there was very little communication from me — part of it was due to the fact that I was extremely shy.  Now, I talk ALL OF THE TIME.  One of my friends calls me “Chatty Kathy”.  One of my other friends tells me to get to the point when she is limited for time.  Other people probably say to themselves, “Here she comes.  Let’s head in the opposite direction”.  My kids tell me that I “repeat myself.”  I had one of my friends laughing when I told them about an incident where a man used to say, “You can’t tell it all”.  They told me when I get wound up from this point on, that’s the phrase they were going to use.  LOL!  Sometimes, we can communicate too much and people tune us out because all they hear is blah, blah blah.  You have to pay attention to the signs and learn when to end the conversation without driving the other party insane.  Okay, I’m still learning this technique.  LOL!

Whether you have a little or a lot to say, please use your voice — communicate.  Don’t walk around with your thoughts and feelings bottled up inside of you.  That’s one of the worse things you can do.  You deserve to be heard.  Again, don’t overdo it.  It is okay to save some for the next time.

Lastly, communication is a two way street.  If you communicate your feelings, allow the other person to communicate theirs as well.  Don’t just be a talker, but also a listener.  Remember, that it’s not just about you and what you think or feel, but about the other person too.   I can’t tell you how crucial that is in any type of relationship.  Oh, and, one other thing — communication is not a shouting match.  If everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs, no one is being heard.

You have a voice

Don’t let it get lost

“Learn” to express yourself

You’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off

your shoulders

Don’t wait until you’re going to blow

Because that is not the right time

No matter what, always remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast that is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts and a few others, which you may find under Grace Deveraux or “Take A Leap With Grace.”  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to. 😊