Feeling Unloved…

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One of the many reasons for my “depressed state” was because I “felt” unloved.  I actually thought that if I were gone, no one would miss me due to the fact that I believed I played an extremely insignificant part in anyone’s life.  Pretty sad, huh?  I know.  I know.  Feelings can really mess you up because that wasn’t the case at all.  There were people who did love me; unfortunately, as I became older, I was too busy focusing on those who didn’t “show” me the love, which nearly destroyed me.

When I was eighteen years old, I once overheard one relative say to another relative “I don’t know what he sees in her (meaning my boyfriend at that time).  She was never attractive”.  In comes that saying, “Every shut-eye ain’t sleep”.  They thought I was sleeping, so they “dissed” me.  I don’t know if the ex-boyfriend heard the conversation because I never asked him.  Can you imagine how devastated I was?  These were people who I loved and cared for.  We were family, so I’m sure I must have had some of the same features as them.  How could they say something so cruel?  Did they actually think that about me?  Years later, I approached one of them about it, and was told it never happened.  I must have imagined it, right?  Wow!  Really?

What they didn’t know was that I was already struggling with my self-worth.  I didn’t like one single thing about me.  I thought I was ugly, skinny as a rail (couldn’t gain weight no matter how much food I consumed), my hair refused to grow like my friend’s, etc.  The list could go on, but I’ll stop here.

My life spun out of control to the point that I was looking for love in all the “wrong” places.  Thus, I made poor choices just to be loved by anyone.

God placed people in my life who would “attempt” to encourage and uplift me, but I was too far gone then, and couldn’t accept it.  However, today, I am grateful because I can walk in confidence with my head held high.  I no longer feel that I’m less than, and I absolutely “refuse” to accept people’s negative views about me — no matter what!

Don’t let people’s “opposing” thoughts or views of you matter; I don’t care who they are.  Don’t let them trample and trod all over you and your emotions.  Stop walking around with your head bowed down to the ground in an effort to make yourself invisible to the world because of “them”.  Take your power back.  Say “Excuse me”, as you “snatch” it right out of their hands.  What I have learned is that people feel inadequate about themselves and are often insecure, so they “pick” on other people, to make them “seem” superior.

You are victorious!  You are a Queen!  Walk in your “royalty”. 

Always remember, GurlYouGotItGoinOn!sunset-hands-love-woman.jpg

 

 

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

Depression

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There are days that you feel as though you can’t go on.  Nothing is going right.  No matter what you do, you can’t seem to catch a break.  Your relationship has gone haywire.  Your children are driving you to the psych ward.  You absolutely hate your life, and on and on and on.

You put on your “happy” face, so that no one sees your pain.  You have learned to be a great pretender — an actress, if you will.  You are ashamed to let anyone in on your “secret”.  However, you are crumbling on the inside.  You’re trying to figure a way to get out of this dark hole, but you just keep sinking deeper and deeper.  The hole continues to get darker and darker.

This was me at one time in my life.  I was so depressed that I didn’t want to live.  I thought about ending it all by taking pills, but I constantly thought what would people think of me if I did that.  Instead, I prayed every single night that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, and every single morning I woke up.  One of my former coworkers said to me, “You’re always happy”.  She had no clue.  I had learned how to hold it all together long enough to get through the day.  On the bus ride home, I would shut down.  There were times that I almost missed my stop because I had fallen asleep.  I would go home, and pull the blinds down and get into bed.  My thought process was as long as I was sleeping, I didn’t have to deal with life or the things I didn’t like about mine.  No one knew this.

One day, I don’t even know when, things changed.  I was no longer depressed.  I should have sought out counseling, but I was just too embarrassed to talk about it.  I didn’t want people to think less of me.  What I realized is that depression is an all consuming spirit.  Every now and again, it comes back to “knock” on my door, and I immediately pray myself out of that “dark place”.

What I would like to say to you is that help is available.  You don’t have to walk around with this well kept “secret”.  Don’t be ashamed to talk about your feelings with someone that you can trust.  Don’t suffer in silence any longer.  If you need counseling, go for it.  If you need to take medication temporarily, until you “learn” how to resist those depressive thoughts, do so.  Get the help that you need so that you can be a happy, healthy you.

As always, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn.

Love ya,

Grace

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.

Introduction

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Hi, my name is Grace Deveraux, and the purpose of my blog is to speak to the hearts of women everywhere.  Why women?  Because as a woman, I can relate to our joys, our fears, our disappointments, our successes, our pain, our insecurities, our strengths and our weaknesses.

As I write, I will share some of my stories with the hope that not only will you be enlightened, but that we will grow “old” together.  I want us to “learn” how to shed the “unwanted and unneeded weight” that has literally been draining and sucking the “life out of us”.  I want us to feel FREE no matter the circumstance.  We are in this together!

My hashtag will always be #GurlYouGotItGoinOn because sometimes we need to be reminded — period.

P.S.:  I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace.  Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux.  Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.