There are days that you feel as though you can’t go on. Nothing is going right. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to catch a break. Your relationship has gone haywire. Your children are driving you to the psych ward. You absolutely hate your life, and on and on and on.
You put on your “happy” face, so that no one sees your pain. You have learned to be a great pretender — an actress, if you will. You are ashamed to let anyone in on your “secret”. However, you are crumbling on the inside. You’re trying to figure a way to get out of this dark hole, but you just keep sinking deeper and deeper. The hole continues to get darker and darker.
This was me at one time in my life. I was so depressed that I didn’t want to live. I thought about ending it all by taking pills, but I constantly thought what would people think of me if I did that. Instead, I prayed every single night that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, and every single morning I woke up. One of my former coworkers said to me, “You’re always happy”. She had no clue. I had learned how to hold it all together long enough to get through the day. On the bus ride home, I would shut down. There were times that I almost missed my stop because I had fallen asleep. I would go home, and pull the blinds down and get into bed. My thought process was as long as I was sleeping, I didn’t have to deal with life or the things I didn’t like about mine. No one knew this.
One day, I don’t even know when, things changed. I was no longer depressed. I should have sought out counseling, but I was just too embarrassed to talk about it. I didn’t want people to think less of me. What I realized is that depression is an all consuming spirit. Every now and again, it comes back to “knock” on my door, and I immediately pray myself out of that “dark place”.
What I would like to say to you is that help is available. You don’t have to walk around with this well kept “secret”. Don’t be ashamed to talk about your feelings with someone that you can trust. Don’t suffer in silence any longer. If you need counseling, go for it. If you need to take medication temporarily, until you “learn” how to resist those depressive thoughts, do so. Get the help that you need so that you can be a happy, healthy you.
As always, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn.
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.