One of my friends (who ask not to be identified) read last week’s post, “Still No Bun in the Oven”, and this is what he had to say about it:
“Please allow me to contribute to your posting on January 18, 2019. Infertility in women is a very sensitive subject and for a very long time to present, women have been blamed or, sadly, blamed themselves for this unfortunate situation. I am an African immigrant and I witnessed this growing up. To this very day, women are being blamed for their infertility in most African tribes. Women are divorced for their inability to have children or husbands are allowed to bring other women into the marriage all in the name of searching for fertility. Women are reduced to last class or no class citizens for their inability to bear children. To a larger extent, I would say, this is due to lack of education and ignorance in the Western civilization on one hand, and beliefs rooted in deep African cultures where the “gods” are blamed for everything on the other.
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), pregnancy is the result of a process that has many steps.
Infertility may result from a problem with ovaries (ovulation), fallopian tube or uterus.
So it is the woman’s fault if she’s not pregnant! Yeah! This is what the myth of the African “gods” and the Western ignorance stem from.
To all the women out there, you have been blamed for many things but infertility should not be one of them. Most of us “men” do not understand your plight, disappointment and desperation.
I wish to share some facts with you. According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), infertility is also prevalent among men. Smoking, drinking too much alcohol and using “street” drugs can cause infertility among men. Exposure to toxic substances and other harmful materials at work or at home, such as synthetic chemicals, metals, fertilizer, bug spray, and cat or rodent feces, can hurt the reproductive systems of men and women (NIH). What kind of job does your man do? Sometimes a man is born with problems that affect his sperm. Other times, problems start later in life due to illness or injury. A man’s sperm can be changed by his overall health and lifestyle (NIH).
In addition, STD’s can cause infertility in both men and women. Age is another factor. In most African cultures, men are marrying girls two or three times younger and yet it is the wife that is infertile. Also, prescribed, unprescribed or herbal medication cannot be ruled out for our infertility.
All I’m saying guys is that we should give our women a break. I f we truly love them, don’t blame them. Join them in finding out the problem of their infertility and how to address it. It should be a family process and not intended to find out who’s fault if there is “no bun in the oven” borrowing Devereau’s phrase. Also, remember that there is a divine reason why some women are infertile and neither Science nor the “gods” can explain.
Finally, I will leave this with your many readers: Two years ago on Mother’s Day, I sent out a text to my many female friends on my social list. The title was “Who is a Mother?” I went on to write: “mother” means so much to so many people in so many different ways. To define the word “mother” is far beyond the scope of our intelligence. There are women who have had a child or children and are not mothers, and sadly, there are many women who have never had a child and are, mothers! Great mothers! I went on to state the qualities of a mother and how some women have forfeited it while others have earned it. In a true sense of the word, Some Men are Mothers! Too deep. Isn’t it?”
I found it quite interesting to hear about infertility from a man’s point of view. I hope this not only enlightens everyone, but also aid in being sensitive to those who have infertility issues, and also as a reminder that infertility affects both men and women.
As always, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.