We all have these feelings which are referred to as 6th sense, intuition or discernment. We may not initially know what it is, but often the “gut” is right.
I remember when my kids were young, I would get these “feelings”. One year, when they were in middle school, I kept them all home on the last day of school because I had one of my “feelings”. I felt as though something was going to happen. They cried, moaned, pleaded and begged for me to let them go to school, but I was insistent they didn’t and they stayed home. I found out later that there was going to be a huge fight on that day. I was extremely grateful for the “feeling”. There were a few other incidents concerning my children when I got certain “feelings” about things. I didn’t get these “feelings” most of the time because, trust and believe, I would have been ahead of the game when their “undesirable” behaviors surfaced or should I call them “growing” pains. However, it happened enough that it began to “creep” them out. They would say to me “stop having those feelings”. I explained to them it wasn’t me and there was no way that I could just turn it off.
Sometimes, you’re in a relationship with someone and you know that something is “amiss”. You may even approach them about your “feelings”, but they flat-out deny there is anything wrong as they scramble to cover the “tracks” they’ve made. However, we as women, don’t give up that easily. We are natural-born “detectives”. I remember being in a relationship with someone once who would do things, and when I confronted them about my “gut feelings”, I was told that I was imagining things. Well, me being who I was back then, became my own “detective”. I could and would find out most of what I needed to know and would begin building my case. I would snoop, dig, and break into phones and various other things until I found the answers that I needed, and would come up with Exhibit A, B, C and so forth and so on. Even when I confronted them with the “proof”, they still denied it. They were pretty “convincing” at one point having me believe that I was really crazy. I think the truth of the matter was that even though I held the proof in my hands, I didn’t really want to believe it.
I had someone come to me recently who felt their partner was lying about some things and she wanted to “trap” them or “catch” them in a lie. They asked for my advice. I flat-out said, “I don’t live in that world anymore. If you’re with someone who you can’t trust, then you shouldn’t be with them at all. If you have to try to catch them in a lie or touch their things looking for evidence, they are not the one for you”. I was done with the matter, and it felt good not to be a part of that.
For women, who live like that, it takes a lot of mental energy because you’re always “looking” for something. You are so totally consumed by proving that your “gut” is right that not a whole lot else matters. You get sick to your stomach because of it. You call your girlfriends and, of course because they love you, they help you with your “witch” hunt. STOP RIGHT THERE. Love yourself enough to say, I don’t have to nor do I want to live like this.
Now, the flip side of the coin is that sometimes we suspect people that we are in relationships are doing things because of our past relationships. We can’t enjoy time spent with them, when things are going great, because we are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. You may have shared how you met this really great guy with some of your girlfriends. One of them, who isn’t in a relationship mind you, may try to put put doubt in your mind by saying, “Girl, he seems like he is too good to be true. I would watch myself if I were you”. Okay. I get it. The saying is that, “If something looks too good to be true, it usually is”. My response is “yes and no”. Women have been hurt and, sometimes, a lot in their lives by former partners. Because of this, they say there aren’t any good men around. When one does come along, it is impossible for them to rest easy. However, there are some guys out there who are still playing the “slick” game no matter how old they are; they just simply never grow up. Here’s the thing, if the person you’re in a relationship with hasn’t given you any clear indication that something is going on, don’t go looking for or borrowing trouble. Enjoy your relationship and stop waiting for it to fall apart. Stop blaming or holding all men accountable for the things that one man or a few men from your “past” have done to you. You’re either in a relationship with a man or, I hate to say this, a boy. A man won’t play games, and can be honest about what he wants — whether it’s just purely a friendship or if he, indeed, is looking to have a committed relationship (that is, as time goes on). Men usually know what they want and the type of woman they are seeking. When they find her, they do what’s necessary to keep her because they realize they’ve found the “one”. A boy will usually go from woman to woman and not commit to anyone and, quite frankly, isn’t relationship material — period! He wants to date for 100 years without any real intention on settling down. If this is you, I’m not knocking it. At the end of the day, you have to do you. I’m just saying, women, you’ve got to know the difference. “Stay woke”, as they say.
Now, let’s pause here for a minute. If you have a guy who is still running around playing “little boy” games, shame on him. I prefer to be told that, “I’m just not into you anymore” than to be strung along. Oh, yes, it will hurt like the dickens and my heart will have stabbing pains for a minute or two, but I will, ultimately, get over it. We have to respect it when people’s feelings change toward us, and they are mature enough communicate it.
Now, if you have a “strong” feeling about something, don’t ignore it but, rather, observe. People’s behaviors and patterns will usually change when something “fishy” is going on. Again, in a past relationship, sometimes this person would arouse my suspicion by giving me too much information about something that didn’t really matter. Immediately, my antenna would go up, and the “detective” was all over it.
We get feelings about many things, not just relationships. It could be about taking or not taking a job or maybe taking a different route in to work. There are so many times our “gut” is speaking to us.
Learn to listen to your “gut”. It won’t steer you wrong.
Always remember that #GurlYouGotItGoingOn
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.