A few of you asked me to write a Part II on my previous post “De-cep-tion” because it left you wanting more. One reader even commented, “It needed a spin-off”. I hear you, and promise to revisit that topic on a later day.
However, I chose today’s topic “Heartbroken” because that’s what kept ringing in my mind in the wee hours of the morning.
Heartbroken: Overcome by sorrow; heart-sick.
I just want to start off by saying that heartbreak doesn’t always come from someone cheating on you, even though quite a few of us have experienced this. We could have an endless conversation about this topic and the pain we endured, and the distrust of everyone as a result. Some of you have healed and have been able to pick up the pieces of your life; however, there are those who are still struggling with this because they are “stuck” and have been unable to move on with their lives. Today, I want you to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Your very life depends on it.
Perhaps, your initial heartbreak was a result of your first real “crush” when you were a youngster. You secretly carried a “torch” for one of your classmates. One day, you “finally” got the nerve to say something to them, only to discover they didn’t share your feelings. Ouch! You walked away with your head held high trying to put on a brave front, but on the inside you were heartbroken.
Maybe, you were in a relationship with someone and everything “seemingly” was going well when out of nowhere, your relationship began to crumble bit by bit until there was nothing left (someone told me this could be because they sent the representative instead of allowing you to see the real them, particularly if the relationship is fairly new). You didn’t see it coming; therefore, you didn’t have time to prepare your “heart” for the “break” it was experiencing. Thus, the relationship left you with a broken heart. You’re left wondering if the relationship was ever real or had it merely been an “illusion”.
Perhaps, you’re in the group of people who married the absolute love of your life. You were blissfully in love and thought it was reciprocated and, perhaps, it was in the beginning. Now, that things have changed, the only thing you’re left with is hurt and unanswered questions
For some, “you realized” that you and your spouse were drifting apart, and, you tried your best to “fix” your issues, but to no avail. Then, you put a Band-Aid on your “boo boo” by walking around in denial; however, that only made things worse. You tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t work either. In the end, you two went your separate ways and your relationship ultimately “ended” in divorce. While you may be happy that the journey ended, it took a minute for you to “process” your feelings. Some of you may feel like a failure. Some of you may be embarrassed because you’re concerned about what people think. Some of you may over think your situation by wondering a million and one times where “you” went wrong. Oftentimes, we, as women, tend to “beat” ourselves up. We analyze every bit of the relationship. We remember all of the arguments. We remember all of the pain. We may even say to ourselves, “If only I had done…”, maybe things would have been different. For those whose relationship ended because of a cheating spouse, you ask yourself these questions, “What’s wrong with me? Wasn’t I good enough for him? Why would he seek love elsewhere? Why couldn’t he tell me he wasn’t happy?” You thought you’d grow old together; however, you realize that’s never going to happen. You two stood before friends and family and declared your love for one another while you promised “til death do us part”. Well… Honey, just let me say this, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, so stop blaming yourself. Some people can just never be satisfied with one person. They have a need to be in a relationship with multiple people for various reasons that’s far beyond my scope of understanding. We could come up with many speculations, but in the end does it really matter. You can’t make a person love you nor can you make them stay.
Some people, when heartbroken, never love again (which, in my opinion, is such a tragedy) because they feel they can’t endure another heartbreak. Then, there are those who go on to have other relationships, but are suspicious of every single thing; if their partner does anything out of the norm, they immediately freak out. It’s not intentional and they try to “turn that feature off”, but aren’t always able to — at least not right away. There are many times they have to talk themselves down, and take a deep breath as they realize this is not the person who broke their heart. Unfortunately, sometimes, they destroy a perfectly good relationship by “looking” for things that don’t exist except for “in their minds”.
Below, I’ve listed some quotes that I thought were pretty interesting and on point:
Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. – Anonymous
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. – Anonymous
The hottest love has the coldest end. – Socrates
There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. – Anonymous
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. – Anonymous
If you found this topic of interest, then tune in for Part II.
You’re not alone in your thoughts or feelings. Others have experienced this before you and may be going through a similar situation currently. Even though it doesn’t feel like it today, this too shall pass.
Always remember, #GurlYouGotItGoinOn
For my male readers who can identify, as well — #YouGotItGoinOn
This translates into, #WeAllGotItGoinOn
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.