Deception: The action of deceiving someone. Deceit, duplicity, double-dealing, fraud, trickery.
Usually, I have a running list of topics, and there have been times when I’ve asked friends if they had a topic of interest, but for this week’s post I decided to do something a little differently. I interviewed several men and women on what their thoughts were concerning “deception”, and boy, oh boy were the men on it. They had so much to say. In fact, I couldn’t write down their responses quick enough because they were firing them off one after another. LOL!
As I thought about “deception”, the song entitled, “Smiling Faces Sometimes” by The Undisputed Truth, popped into my head. I’ve separated the women’s and men’s responses, and find all of the answers quite fascinating.
- Villanous like behavior
- Anything that began with the letters “DE” was bad
- Lies – period
- Eye opening experience from which a lesson is learned
- It’s real, so don’t be afraid of it
- Don’t crumble under the hand of deception because you will be triumphant and stronger in the end
- The person who deceived you, will watch you as you make a comeback
- Misrepresentation of yourself
- Making your partner jealous by having them believe you’re out with someone because you’ve gone off the radar (all because you want attention from them or are trying to keep them under subjection)
One woman commented that she’s dealt with deception in both her professional and personal life. If she knows that she’s been fed a “bunch” of lies, she watches and pays close attention to the changes in body language (which is difficult to hide), and listens to the words coming out of people’s mouths. Once she has the facts of the deception, she lets them know and there is absolutely no place for “wiggle” room.
- When a woman knows that she is in a relationship and is asked if she is, and she responds “no”. When asked if she has children, her response may be none or one although she has multiple children. She fears the man may not want her or she’s going to lose out – deception.
- You can lie to the end of the world, but you can’t lie your way back; the truth will always come out when you are being deceptive
- Lying on job applications or resumes and not being able to perform once you get the job
- One man said that he wanted to be honest that men were far more deceptive than women (I had to give him kudos for his honesty); they will do whatever it takes to get the woman they want
- Portraying yourself to be one thing but the complete opposite
- Being let down as a result of being deceived
- Finding yourself deep into the relationship only to find out that you and your partner aren’t on the same page because they “pretended” to be someone they were not
- Having a separate agenda (your partner only wanting you for what they can get after promises of building a future together)
- Break or breach of trust
One of my male interviewees said that, as a man, you feel foolish, stupid and used when you discover that you were deceived. He further went on to say that guys don’t have an outlet as women do. He stated that women have each other’s shoulders to cry on but men can’t express their sense of loss; therefore, they drink or hang out at the bar to deal with their problems; men feel loss too. He also felt that when there is a bad break up, one way in which some women are deceptive is that they use the child or children as a pawn (i.e., I’m not letting you see the kids) because the women know that will make you even more miserable.
He also went on to say that he feels most of the time society holds the man responsible by blaming them and asking the question, “What did you do”? He said that sometimes women keep silent instead of speaking up in the man’s defense by simply stating that it wasn’t anything that he necessarily did wrong. He said there are good guys who do the right thing and for, whatever reason the relationship goes south, they still get blamed for it. He said that men get a bad wrap because when they leave, it is perceived that they’ve abandoned their families, including the children.
He shared that a man cries after a break up, but can’t share that because they are told to man up. He said that men get angry and depressed too when a relationship ends. He said there ought to be support groups for men, and friends should understand and allow them discuss their feelings and emotions. Men have been taught to internalize things even when they shouldn’t have to. He then got more personal by saying that when a past relationship ended, he walked away from a really nice house, even though his friends told him they wouldn’t have done that. He said he needed a peace of mind and that was the only way it was going to happen for him. He went on to say that he would be driving in his car with the radio on, and certain songs would trigger tearful emotions because it made him think about the relationship that ended. He said that after being deceived, it is a journey to get back to yourself. He was so “messed” up after this relationship that he wasn’t interested in being with any woman. He said he would see a woman and think she was pretty, and then back off because he felt she would be a headache and he wasn’t going to take that chance; he was still hurting and couldn’t “trust” that this wouldn’t happen to him again. However, one day he took a chance because he merely wanted companionship — someone to hang out with. He’s glad he came out of his shell because what he discovered was the person he chose to hang out with had the same experience that he had, and they were able to work through their pain together. She could finish his thoughts because she knew exactly how he felt.
Another one of the men commented that “Yes, men lie, cheat and steal, but women are more deceptive because they don’t get caught”. He also stated that he has only caught his partner in a couple of lies. My response to that was, “It’s probably because she’s actually not doing anything”. He agreed, with a laugh. Well, I’ll let some women weigh in on that topic at another time. LOL!
When women suspect their man is being deceptive, they go on a “witch hunt”, and become their own private detectives; they will stop at nothing until they’ve uncovered the absolute truth (that is, until they grow up and realize this is not how they want to live their lives).
If you are deceiving family, friends, etc., just know that it’s not cool. People have trusted you, and you’ve betrayed them, and FOR WHAT –– to make yourself feel good, to play games, to exact revenge? Whatever your reason, please stop hurting people. Some people even deceive themselves because they eventually believe all the lies they’ve been spewing out of their mouths or the lies they keep in their heads. STOP! You owe it to yourself to be honest as well.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and know that one person is not going to do it for you, be completely honest with your partner. It’s a possibility you may lose them but it’s not fair that you take away their right to decide whether this is something they want to contend with. On the other hand, some people may go along with it because they don’t want to be in a committed relationship. One thing for I know for sure, deception kills a relationship quick, fast, and in a hurry.
Both men and women agree that DECEPTION HURTS! Let’s try to do better. Let’s “practice” honesty and loyalty. Children stop deceiving your parents; parents stop deceiving your children. Husbands stop deceiving your wives; wives stop deceiving your husbands. Boyfriends stop deceiving your girlfriends; girlfriends stop deceiving your boyfriends. Friends stop deceiving friends. Okay, you get the point!
Always be fair.
Always be honest.
Before acting on an impulse or a whim, put yourself in someone else’s place — how would you feel.
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.