One day, you meet someone who you are immediately drawn to. You know you shouldn’t ask for their number because you’re currently in a relationship but you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know this person as your curiosity has gotten the best of you. It’s just “something” about them that has caught your attention, even though it was a brief encounter. In your heart of hearts, you know it’s not the right thing to do, particularly, if you’re married, but you do it anyway. You convince yourself that it’s okay. After all, you’re not committing a crime by asking for a phone number. You say to yourself ,”What’s the harm in that”?
Maybe your situation is that, you’re attracted to someone you work with. You see this same person day in and day out. You like the way he or she dresses. You like their smell. You two share a lot of the same interests. You also communicate with this person comfortably. Before you realize what has happened, you develop feelings for them, which is easy to do, since you spend most of your waking hours on your job. As the song goes “Oops, there it is”. You’ve now messed up. You have created a love triangle which was the last thing in the world you planned to do. You have a great person at home whom you love dearly, but there is just something about this other person that you can’t seem to shake. Eventually, you start “sneaking” around with them and the sordid “affair” begins. The person knows you’re married, and you tell them that you absolutely have no intention on leaving your current relationship for them, and they’re down with it — that is, until their feelings become involved. Now, it becomes “complicated”.
Cheater: A person who acts dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.
Now, that you’re doing your thing by pursing an outside interest, think of all of the energy you are expending in pursuing that person which could be used to repair your “broken” relationship. You tear your partner down to ease your “guilty” conscience and drag their names through the mud by accusing them outwardly of things you know they’re not doing. Will there always be someone who looks better, be more intelligent, be a sharper dresser, etc. then the person you’re with? Absolutely. However, that doesn’t give you the right to take a detour and cross the line.
The day finally comes along when you totally get busted because your partner unexpectedly found out about your “philandering” ways. This was the day you’d hope would never come. Well, now, all heck breaks loose. You have hurt the last person in the world that you really wanted to cause harm. You apologize and tell them that it meant nothing. You tell them that you just got caught up in the moment. You watch your partner crumble from the hurt and the pain that you alone are responsible for. Now, you feel like a heel. No amount of apologizing can turn back the hands of time. What’s done in the dark will come to light every single time.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and things aren’t going well, before deciding to check out whether or not the grass is greener on the other side, how about talking to your partner first about the things that make you unhappy. Perhaps, you’d like to be able to communicate more or split up the housework more evenly or spend more time together, etc. I think they’d rather know you aren’t feeling the relationship than have you break their heart. Also, you can’t expect things to get better if your partner is unaware that you’re not happy in the first place, and let’s face it, it’s totally unfair for you to assume they can read your mind. Once you two sit down and decide on what course of action to take, remember that things won’t necessarily change immediately, so don’t expect an overnight sensation; give your partner a chance as you two work together to make things better. Remember, it took a while for things to derail.
When you’re cheating, you have no idea how much pain or the sometimes irreversible damage you’ve caused or the fragility of your partners mind. A long time ago, someone shared a real life story with me about a person they knew who had been cheated on. A woman that they knew was engaged to marry and was excited, as we women usually are, when we are asked, “Will you marry me”. However, what she didn’t know was that he had also asked someone else to marry him as well. As it turned out, he married the other woman. She was completely devastated and pretty much lost it, and had to take medication for the remainder of her life because her mind was blown. Was that fair? Not at all! She didn’t deserve that. The “ex” was able to go on and live a happy life with his bride while this poor woman was never the same. Wouldn’t it have been much simpler for him to tell her that it was over rather than completely destroying her by deceit?
When I was in my early 20’s this married guy tried hitting on me by “dogging” his wife. My response was, “If your relationship is that bad, why are you still there”? Guess what? He walked away and I never had that issue from him again. I respected myself enough and this guy’s wife enough to not get caught up in his foolishness, even though he obviously didn’t respect the vows that he took.
No matter how “slick” or “sneaky” you think you are, eventually you do get caught. Before crossing the line, ask yourself “Is it really worth it? What’s the point”?
Cheating hurts! It doesn’t feel good to be cheated on. It’s never cool and it’s never okay.
If you’re being cheated on or have been cheated on in the past, I understand the hurt and pain you are experiencing today; however, trust me, it won’t last forever. You have to find a way to let go of the pain and part of your healing process is by forgiving (easier said than done, I know). You have to move on. You will need a good support system to surround yourself with. You may need a therapist. You will definitely need to pray your way through the agony. In the end, you will get through this!
Work on your current relationship.
If your relationship is unsalvageable, move on before starting another one.
No one deserves to get hurt or mixed up in your love triangle.
It’s not just about you; people have feelings.
No matter what you’re experiencing today, remember #GurlYouGotItGoinOn
P.S.: I now have a podcast which is featured on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts which you may find under Grace Deveraux or Chat With Grace. Also, you may find me on Instagram @Gracedeveraux. Please stop by and check out what I’ve been up to lately.